oksana vs. bus; traffic violations bureau
Today I had to pay 40 dollars to "CKCD AUTH 07/19 NEW YORK STATE", as it appears on my bank statement, for 'biking off lane' in the March Critical Mass. Usually these bullshit CM tickets are dismissed due to the failure of the second party, a NYC police officer to show up (They are too busy A. enjoying their 25 percent discount at the West Side Shooting Range; B. Giving Lang students public drunkenness violations; C. Racially Profiling) But, alas, no. Not only did the issuing cop show up, he showed up with a report of me 'swerving dangerously in and out of traffic'...Dickhead if you try to grab my bag while I am riding, simple laws of physics will tell you that my bike will continue to stay in motion but I will come to a stop, causing me to panic, pedal harder and swerve, dangerously. In and out of traffic even.
Missing work and paying 40 bucks to NYS (it'll go towards road development around Ratner's stadium to accommodate all the suburbanite assholes coming in to see 'the game', and dooring me in the future on Atlantic ave.) putting me at a -$120 for the day. Financial losses stress me out; when I get stressed out I ride too fast.
On my way back to work, going at a rather fast pace I was confronted with a cab door. I missed the door but rode into a parked bus, knee first. I ended up stretched out in a lane, with my lower leg forming a perfect 90 degree angle to my thigh. The first thing i saw when i looked up was an angry bus driver yelling at me about license plates. 'no i did not get the cabbie's license plate…i was busy crashing into your bus; no i will not be sticking around until your supervisor gets here, so i can proclaim that you had nothing to do with the accident. From this position, i can brake both of your kneecaps with my U-lock if you don't fuck off, because I am in a lot of pain.' The ambulance came, the paramedics were relieved that 'cyclist vs. bus' call they got did not mean they had to scrape my face off the concrete. The police showed up as well, and seemed astonished by the fact that i was not hysterical. I thought about explaining to them that the irony of the situation was too amusing, but decided against it.
The paramedics were both sweet, and spared me the worry about leaving my bike fuck knows where in the financial district.
In short, I dealt with too many of nyc's fine institutions today; I am sitting at home with my leg wrapped in foam; my knee pops out every single time i put weight on it making it difficult for me to obtain the nutrients necessary for it to heal faster so i can be up an walking/riding for next week (critical mass! one night of fire! world inferno!). These nutrients are mostly found in Guinness + various Chocolate Stouts.
I am accepting donations of the two fine beverages at my house, by appointment. Call in advance, as it takes me about 30 minutes to hobble to the front door.
Missing work and paying 40 bucks to NYS (it'll go towards road development around Ratner's stadium to accommodate all the suburbanite assholes coming in to see 'the game', and dooring me in the future on Atlantic ave.) putting me at a -$120 for the day. Financial losses stress me out; when I get stressed out I ride too fast.
On my way back to work, going at a rather fast pace I was confronted with a cab door. I missed the door but rode into a parked bus, knee first. I ended up stretched out in a lane, with my lower leg forming a perfect 90 degree angle to my thigh. The first thing i saw when i looked up was an angry bus driver yelling at me about license plates. 'no i did not get the cabbie's license plate…i was busy crashing into your bus; no i will not be sticking around until your supervisor gets here, so i can proclaim that you had nothing to do with the accident. From this position, i can brake both of your kneecaps with my U-lock if you don't fuck off, because I am in a lot of pain.' The ambulance came, the paramedics were relieved that 'cyclist vs. bus' call they got did not mean they had to scrape my face off the concrete. The police showed up as well, and seemed astonished by the fact that i was not hysterical. I thought about explaining to them that the irony of the situation was too amusing, but decided against it.
The paramedics were both sweet, and spared me the worry about leaving my bike fuck knows where in the financial district.
In short, I dealt with too many of nyc's fine institutions today; I am sitting at home with my leg wrapped in foam; my knee pops out every single time i put weight on it making it difficult for me to obtain the nutrients necessary for it to heal faster so i can be up an walking/riding for next week (critical mass! one night of fire! world inferno!). These nutrients are mostly found in Guinness + various Chocolate Stouts.
I am accepting donations of the two fine beverages at my house, by appointment. Call in advance, as it takes me about 30 minutes to hobble to the front door.