Journal Entry: 259.
Holy shit LiveJournal.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm sitting in my room, which is a complete disaster area. I'm cleaning it out. This is the last few days that I'm ever going to be living in White Hall. Thank god. It's so nasty, community bathrooms, showers, and everything. But, I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. And Rosie isn't online to help me from freaking out about my nostalgia. ...
I don't even want to read the journal entries from how I started this year. Maybe after I write this.
Overall, Freshmen year. what a mother fucking blast. Like seriously, Senior Year in high school was great ( and I'm going to even go with saying better), but Freshmen year, like holy shit. What a good time. I know it's only going to get harder from here on out. Academics, more responsibility. But seriously, idk. I am loving it here in Boston and I'm enjoying my life here. But, I get so anxious to go home at times. I know people that have turned their back on their home town, and are just like fuck it. But honestly, it may have taken a year, but I have made a decision that Buffalo/Lewiston is my home, and Boston is my residence that I've fallen in love with. Home is definitely where the heart is. And I know my heart is in Buffalo, but Boston has a shiny glamour feel to it, for this newness of life. I can't help but reach for more and more and more. There's endless opportunities here for me. I can't turn around without someone handing me something else.
With reflection on this past year, I've gained a lot of knowledge. The year began with me sitting at my desk, highlighting a welcome week booklet. "What is interesting to me?," "Where do I want to get involved in on campus?" and now as I sit here watching my first year of college fade away, I realized that I can't decide if I made the right decisions, but I do know one thing, that I am for sure, one of the happiest people alive. I have wonderful friends in both Buffalo & Boston, who care for me and would do anything for me, I have a new wonderful boyfriend, who is beyond caring, seriously, I don't know what I would do without him, and life is just great. God may have given me a few challenges along the way, but I'm sure that is only to test me to see how I can deal with home while being away. As some of you might know, my grandmother passed away recently, along with my family cat, Sneakers. It was very sad, seriously, I feel a part of me missing. And I know when I go home, I will constantly be reminded of the fact that both are not around for me. However, I do have faith that my life will not stop. My life will not stop because something has happened. I think that is a good thing, and I think by knowing that my life won't stop, it gives me a good sense of character. Plus, I know that my grandmother wouldn't want me to just stop, because she never did.
Looking back on the choices I made, I realized that I can't be mad either way. Liam & I are done, for good. While I can't say for good, but I know that it's not going to happen in the near future. Maybe it took physical separation from it to actually realize how unhealthy the whole thing was for me. Oh well, Dylan is by far a perfect gem in my life for as far as I can see it. I went home with him to meet his family in February 2008, along with meeting his half sister that lives in NYC in Dec of 2008. Quirky, yet loving. Everyone has their skeletons in their closets. They loved me, and that's what I loved the most. Knowing that they haven't really liked many of his previous, and they definitely liked me. So, that makes me feel good. My friends here have possibly turned around a lot. I don't really hang out with many of the people I hung out with at the beginning of the year. Alyssa has turned into a very great academic friend, but I know our friendship will weaken as we move out of the same building/on opposite sides of campus. Eve, Sean, ...all those people, well, I don't even hear from them anymore. James and I are friends when we see each other, but we don't really go out of the way to see each other. Jackie, Erin & Carolina, kinda just disappeared on the face of this earth. But the thing is, other friendships have grown & flourished. Yona, Jill & all the peeps from RSA/NRHH have taken a very important role in my life. Along with my pharmacy friends that are becoming so essential, like Lauren, Katie ... etc. Even some of my pharmacy friends that I used to hang out with in the first semester are just becoming acquaintances, such as Dan & Julie. Oh well. But some friends have remained there this whole time. Celia & Ryan and that crew, Erin Olveri (from Six Flags to now complete disappearance), Tom & Ben who I see periodically, and we can not forget Sam. Sam has stuck there for me through it all. I thought it might have been flaky to make a friendship from facebook, and I was warned. I was warned not to have a friendship forced by two people. But, it worked. From the first nights with him & James going to Mission Hill being freshmen idiots, from walking home from Park street cause we missed the T coming from Sean's place, to mini fights, to Harvard parties, BU dances, & going to six parties in one night; he's seen it all. Maybe this is all just part of growing up; actually, I KNOW this is all part of growing up.
The thing I always say, and I mean it the most, I love my LJ cause it captures these thoughts and memories so very perfectly. The words that flow from my head to my fingers to my keyboard to this, are all reflective of my thoughts that I just don't want to die away. I got to give the eulogy at my grandmother's wake, that made my life. One of those gratifying moments, that at first you're like hesitant to do, but it just all falls into place. I'm so glad, it was such an honor.
My friends at home. Thank you. That's alll. Just thank you. For putting up with me through all of these hard transitions, but you'll be getting more of that when I get home.
Life is weird sometimes. That's all. My life was so planned out for me during high school. To the point where I couldn't even fathom the idea of a year past 2007. But now, it is April 2008, and I'm finishing my freshmen year in college! Who would have ever thought... definitely not me. I'm definitely going into uncharted territory. But you know what, it's all going to be okay. Cause I have the best God damned people in the world in my life, by my side.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm sitting in my room, which is a complete disaster area. I'm cleaning it out. This is the last few days that I'm ever going to be living in White Hall. Thank god. It's so nasty, community bathrooms, showers, and everything. But, I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. And Rosie isn't online to help me from freaking out about my nostalgia. ...
I don't even want to read the journal entries from how I started this year. Maybe after I write this.
Overall, Freshmen year. what a mother fucking blast. Like seriously, Senior Year in high school was great ( and I'm going to even go with saying better), but Freshmen year, like holy shit. What a good time. I know it's only going to get harder from here on out. Academics, more responsibility. But seriously, idk. I am loving it here in Boston and I'm enjoying my life here. But, I get so anxious to go home at times. I know people that have turned their back on their home town, and are just like fuck it. But honestly, it may have taken a year, but I have made a decision that Buffalo/Lewiston is my home, and Boston is my residence that I've fallen in love with. Home is definitely where the heart is. And I know my heart is in Buffalo, but Boston has a shiny glamour feel to it, for this newness of life. I can't help but reach for more and more and more. There's endless opportunities here for me. I can't turn around without someone handing me something else.
With reflection on this past year, I've gained a lot of knowledge. The year began with me sitting at my desk, highlighting a welcome week booklet. "What is interesting to me?," "Where do I want to get involved in on campus?" and now as I sit here watching my first year of college fade away, I realized that I can't decide if I made the right decisions, but I do know one thing, that I am for sure, one of the happiest people alive. I have wonderful friends in both Buffalo & Boston, who care for me and would do anything for me, I have a new wonderful boyfriend, who is beyond caring, seriously, I don't know what I would do without him, and life is just great. God may have given me a few challenges along the way, but I'm sure that is only to test me to see how I can deal with home while being away. As some of you might know, my grandmother passed away recently, along with my family cat, Sneakers. It was very sad, seriously, I feel a part of me missing. And I know when I go home, I will constantly be reminded of the fact that both are not around for me. However, I do have faith that my life will not stop. My life will not stop because something has happened. I think that is a good thing, and I think by knowing that my life won't stop, it gives me a good sense of character. Plus, I know that my grandmother wouldn't want me to just stop, because she never did.
Looking back on the choices I made, I realized that I can't be mad either way. Liam & I are done, for good. While I can't say for good, but I know that it's not going to happen in the near future. Maybe it took physical separation from it to actually realize how unhealthy the whole thing was for me. Oh well, Dylan is by far a perfect gem in my life for as far as I can see it. I went home with him to meet his family in February 2008, along with meeting his half sister that lives in NYC in Dec of 2008. Quirky, yet loving. Everyone has their skeletons in their closets. They loved me, and that's what I loved the most. Knowing that they haven't really liked many of his previous, and they definitely liked me. So, that makes me feel good. My friends here have possibly turned around a lot. I don't really hang out with many of the people I hung out with at the beginning of the year. Alyssa has turned into a very great academic friend, but I know our friendship will weaken as we move out of the same building/on opposite sides of campus. Eve, Sean, ...all those people, well, I don't even hear from them anymore. James and I are friends when we see each other, but we don't really go out of the way to see each other. Jackie, Erin & Carolina, kinda just disappeared on the face of this earth. But the thing is, other friendships have grown & flourished. Yona, Jill & all the peeps from RSA/NRHH have taken a very important role in my life. Along with my pharmacy friends that are becoming so essential, like Lauren, Katie ... etc. Even some of my pharmacy friends that I used to hang out with in the first semester are just becoming acquaintances, such as Dan & Julie. Oh well. But some friends have remained there this whole time. Celia & Ryan and that crew, Erin Olveri (from Six Flags to now complete disappearance), Tom & Ben who I see periodically, and we can not forget Sam. Sam has stuck there for me through it all. I thought it might have been flaky to make a friendship from facebook, and I was warned. I was warned not to have a friendship forced by two people. But, it worked. From the first nights with him & James going to Mission Hill being freshmen idiots, from walking home from Park street cause we missed the T coming from Sean's place, to mini fights, to Harvard parties, BU dances, & going to six parties in one night; he's seen it all. Maybe this is all just part of growing up; actually, I KNOW this is all part of growing up.
The thing I always say, and I mean it the most, I love my LJ cause it captures these thoughts and memories so very perfectly. The words that flow from my head to my fingers to my keyboard to this, are all reflective of my thoughts that I just don't want to die away. I got to give the eulogy at my grandmother's wake, that made my life. One of those gratifying moments, that at first you're like hesitant to do, but it just all falls into place. I'm so glad, it was such an honor.
My friends at home. Thank you. That's alll. Just thank you. For putting up with me through all of these hard transitions, but you'll be getting more of that when I get home.
Life is weird sometimes. That's all. My life was so planned out for me during high school. To the point where I couldn't even fathom the idea of a year past 2007. But now, it is April 2008, and I'm finishing my freshmen year in college! Who would have ever thought... definitely not me. I'm definitely going into uncharted territory. But you know what, it's all going to be okay. Cause I have the best God damned people in the world in my life, by my side.