(no subject)
the past few days have been so plain.
i feel so plain.
i wish i had bigger dreams,
more motives, more..anything.
i'm very worried about what will happen when i graduate high school.
i have no idea what i want to do with my life,
what career i would like to pursue,
i just know - i want out of here.
i wasted my money on a cell phone that i'll probably barely ever use
just so i could say i had one.
so, that's lots of paychecks down the drain.
i need a second job. bad. since i've started working, i've wanted to work more
because when i get those paychecks i'm like "damn, i earned this."
kind of like getting a good grade on my report card,
which i have been doing lately also.
i'm pretty pleased with myself.
melanie has a pretty intense music collection.
the songs, remind me a lot of my dad. & that NEVER happens.
i think i've had a strong hatred for my dad up until...last night.
it's been over 6 months since i've lived with my dad,
and i mean it's a better lifestyle for all of us. BUT,
when i heard those songs it reminded me of all the good times we all had.
i know i always just sit here saying "oh my dad's terrible,"
which he was, BUT - he was ALWAYS like that. so, what's different now?
that's just him.
i'll admit that he has made me laugh, and taught me a lot of things.
i used to love going down to our camp & riding the four-wheeler and stuff.
and i was into a lot of older bands because of him.
& i always find myself wondering..
"what's going on inside of his head?"
he lost his wife, and all 3 of his children.
lost everything.
BUT, he deserved it.
so, i guess i shouldn't sympathize. whatever should, will be, and is.
but, that doesn't stop me from the worst question that eats you alive...
"WHY?"
i would love to play the piano.
i really like classical music. and, i have a new interest in the olden days.
everything seemed so simple. no complications.
women were so elegant, so proper. i'm just so interested.
i'm interested in everything.
i don't think the city is the right place for me,
i was meant to be a country girl.
i would love to have wild horses in my back yard.
and just lay on a hammock, and smell the fresh air.
i'm wondering how Eddie is going to look. i mean he couldn't possibly look ALL that different,
but you never know. if i could relive a few past times, i would.
i would wrestle with eddie one last time, and see a real smile on his face.
i would watch amy roll over, because that's all she could do. time's going by so fast.
seems like just yesterday i was in 7th grade.
..i want something more.
i feel so plain.
i wish i had bigger dreams,
more motives, more..anything.
i'm very worried about what will happen when i graduate high school.
i have no idea what i want to do with my life,
what career i would like to pursue,
i just know - i want out of here.
i wasted my money on a cell phone that i'll probably barely ever use
just so i could say i had one.
so, that's lots of paychecks down the drain.
i need a second job. bad. since i've started working, i've wanted to work more
because when i get those paychecks i'm like "damn, i earned this."
kind of like getting a good grade on my report card,
which i have been doing lately also.
i'm pretty pleased with myself.
melanie has a pretty intense music collection.
the songs, remind me a lot of my dad. & that NEVER happens.
i think i've had a strong hatred for my dad up until...last night.
it's been over 6 months since i've lived with my dad,
and i mean it's a better lifestyle for all of us. BUT,
when i heard those songs it reminded me of all the good times we all had.
i know i always just sit here saying "oh my dad's terrible,"
which he was, BUT - he was ALWAYS like that. so, what's different now?
that's just him.
i'll admit that he has made me laugh, and taught me a lot of things.
i used to love going down to our camp & riding the four-wheeler and stuff.
and i was into a lot of older bands because of him.
& i always find myself wondering..
"what's going on inside of his head?"
he lost his wife, and all 3 of his children.
lost everything.
BUT, he deserved it.
so, i guess i shouldn't sympathize. whatever should, will be, and is.
but, that doesn't stop me from the worst question that eats you alive...
"WHY?"
i would love to play the piano.
i really like classical music. and, i have a new interest in the olden days.
everything seemed so simple. no complications.
women were so elegant, so proper. i'm just so interested.
i'm interested in everything.
i don't think the city is the right place for me,
i was meant to be a country girl.
i would love to have wild horses in my back yard.
and just lay on a hammock, and smell the fresh air.
i'm wondering how Eddie is going to look. i mean he couldn't possibly look ALL that different,
but you never know. if i could relive a few past times, i would.
i would wrestle with eddie one last time, and see a real smile on his face.
i would watch amy roll over, because that's all she could do. time's going by so fast.
seems like just yesterday i was in 7th grade.
..i want something more.