I'm Happy AND Angry!!!
That's a quote, by the way. The indelible Ralph Wiggum on mood enhancing drugs.
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But it's true. I am happy and angry. The former can be accounted for (ack passive phrasing) by the fact that I managed to convince my dad (and by proxy, although begrudgingly and not entirely, my mother) that the apartment with Katie was far too good a deal to pass up. Namely: rent is very cheap for a 2B2P, it's within walking/biking distance to Union Station (where a free tram runs each day to USC), Clara left all her furniture and dishes so no expenditures necessary for that, I know the person I'll be living with (hell I lived there before), view, pool, spa, gym, my own bathroom, washer, dryer, dishwasher, and I don't have to move in til December 1. It doesn't get better than that. Mom is concerned because I don't yet have employment (see next paragraph) and what if I don't have money to pay January or February rent? No bailouts from the folks. Plus I'm not 100% (though closer to 85% now) and, well, blah. But we made the decision. I now have a place to live.
.
Angry? Got my first "thanks for applying but we hired someone better" letter yesterday: one down, four to go, and still no word. I mean, everyone wants experience, and while I have experience during school, how am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me without experience? It's bull. So much so that I wrote to the head of Admission Processing (a smelly computer lab of people scanning and typing and listening to iPods all day...wait that doesn't sound so bad) to ask him about temporary employment. It's the only interview I've gotten, and it's a two month job 40 hours a week at $10 an hour. More than I've ever made before but still pathetic for someone with a BA and half an MA, but it will pay rent for a month or two and it's not very physically active, so it won't be too hard on me. Plus it's on campus so I'll be there to do job interviews if they ever materialize. It's not something I want to do but it's better than Paperchase, and it'll get me money. It's frustrating that so many of my friends (Aaron, Sally, Chris, Caitlin, etc.) have already started careers and I can't even get an interview for a relatively entry-level job. Granted, they had the advantage of good timing, and as Grandma Marilyn said, it's probably the hardest time to get a job at a university, right before winter break. I just can't help feeling inadequate, but then I've never been good at failure.
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On another note, I had the oddest sequence of dreams last night. I was apparently hooking up with some handsome guy at his apartment and somehow stole out to the lobby to get a soda from the soda machine or something. Apparently I told him I was going to get my teeth. Then he went to some conference and called me on a payphone and said "you know it's illegal for non-residents to use the soda machine" or something and then when I stammered I heard a bunch of his colleagues laughing at my bumbling excuses. So I ran back to his place to get all my clothes (SO MANY they couldn't fit into what I was packing) and he came home before I could leave, and I said "I'm leaving," and he said "yeah, yes you are" like I had committed a deadly sin. Later, for some reason, Andrew came and we broke into the guy's apartment to get the rest of my stuff, and he came home in the middle and threatened to have me arrested or killed or something. Then somehow there was a chase over the rafters and I tried to escape the complex but just heard him laughing maniacally. Then I realized I had checked my dog at the desk kennel, and I couldn't get her back without the resident. So Andrew and I went back because it was almost midnight and that was when the kennel closed, and we discovered the guy had been taking a bunch of human hormones because he was actually...a FISH!!! So we threatened to tell unless he got Lady from the kennel, then we ran away as he lounged around in his aquarium and I got on my bike with the dog on a leash and tried to find the 110. Then I woke up.
.
Psycho.
.
But it's true. I am happy and angry. The former can be accounted for (ack passive phrasing) by the fact that I managed to convince my dad (and by proxy, although begrudgingly and not entirely, my mother) that the apartment with Katie was far too good a deal to pass up. Namely: rent is very cheap for a 2B2P, it's within walking/biking distance to Union Station (where a free tram runs each day to USC), Clara left all her furniture and dishes so no expenditures necessary for that, I know the person I'll be living with (hell I lived there before), view, pool, spa, gym, my own bathroom, washer, dryer, dishwasher, and I don't have to move in til December 1. It doesn't get better than that. Mom is concerned because I don't yet have employment (see next paragraph) and what if I don't have money to pay January or February rent? No bailouts from the folks. Plus I'm not 100% (though closer to 85% now) and, well, blah. But we made the decision. I now have a place to live.
.
Angry? Got my first "thanks for applying but we hired someone better" letter yesterday: one down, four to go, and still no word. I mean, everyone wants experience, and while I have experience during school, how am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me without experience? It's bull. So much so that I wrote to the head of Admission Processing (a smelly computer lab of people scanning and typing and listening to iPods all day...wait that doesn't sound so bad) to ask him about temporary employment. It's the only interview I've gotten, and it's a two month job 40 hours a week at $10 an hour. More than I've ever made before but still pathetic for someone with a BA and half an MA, but it will pay rent for a month or two and it's not very physically active, so it won't be too hard on me. Plus it's on campus so I'll be there to do job interviews if they ever materialize. It's not something I want to do but it's better than Paperchase, and it'll get me money. It's frustrating that so many of my friends (Aaron, Sally, Chris, Caitlin, etc.) have already started careers and I can't even get an interview for a relatively entry-level job. Granted, they had the advantage of good timing, and as Grandma Marilyn said, it's probably the hardest time to get a job at a university, right before winter break. I just can't help feeling inadequate, but then I've never been good at failure.
.
On another note, I had the oddest sequence of dreams last night. I was apparently hooking up with some handsome guy at his apartment and somehow stole out to the lobby to get a soda from the soda machine or something. Apparently I told him I was going to get my teeth. Then he went to some conference and called me on a payphone and said "you know it's illegal for non-residents to use the soda machine" or something and then when I stammered I heard a bunch of his colleagues laughing at my bumbling excuses. So I ran back to his place to get all my clothes (SO MANY they couldn't fit into what I was packing) and he came home before I could leave, and I said "I'm leaving," and he said "yeah, yes you are" like I had committed a deadly sin. Later, for some reason, Andrew came and we broke into the guy's apartment to get the rest of my stuff, and he came home in the middle and threatened to have me arrested or killed or something. Then somehow there was a chase over the rafters and I tried to escape the complex but just heard him laughing maniacally. Then I realized I had checked my dog at the desk kennel, and I couldn't get her back without the resident. So Andrew and I went back because it was almost midnight and that was when the kennel closed, and we discovered the guy had been taking a bunch of human hormones because he was actually...a FISH!!! So we threatened to tell unless he got Lady from the kennel, then we ran away as he lounged around in his aquarium and I got on my bike with the dog on a leash and tried to find the 110. Then I woke up.
.
Psycho.