Please don't think that i don't enjoy talking to you. Before, it was because i had given all i could to Sonya, so i just didn't really have more room for someone else, now... well, i think i'm afraid to let anyone else in like that again. In fact i know i am. I keep everyone at a guarded distance now i think. It's because i know i'm not good at putting up barriers and putting limits on people. I don't know. probably doesn't make sense. But even just knowing that i have a few friends back in Ohio comforts me. Like there is still some semblance of my old life still there, because everything else is gone.
I'm making some tentative plans for my future. I'm trying to be more social. Hell, i'm going to church this weekend because i'm told that they're really active with the community and what not and have a lot to offer for people my age.
I know i've always seemed helpless. I don't know why i'm like that. I was looking back on it today and i havn't changed a lick since highschool. Middle school even. My train of thought is still exactly the same. I think i always expected someone would be there for me, because that was after all what i wanted. I'm coming to find that the only person i can rely on to take care of me is me, because everyone else will get burnt out and leave me. Even my own parents are at the breaking point. It's time to grow up and face responsibility, something that i have been dreading since i could remember. I think i want to blame it on never really having a childhood like other kids, but what do i know. I'm no psych major... yet...
The only thing i can do is thank you for being there for me, to listen to me, to give me sound advice... Never in a million years would i imagine it would be you that's sort of let me stick around for so long. I thought for sure that you'd hate me for the rest of your life. But thank you. Maybe keeping you at that distance has kept you from burning out on me, i don't know. But i do appreciate everything you've done. Whether you know it or not you've been a great friend in my eyes.
I'm making some tentative plans for my future. I'm trying to be more social. Hell, i'm going to church this weekend because i'm told that they're really active with the community and what not and have a lot to offer for people my age.
I know i've always seemed helpless. I don't know why i'm like that. I was looking back on it today and i havn't changed a lick since highschool. Middle school even. My train of thought is still exactly the same. I think i always expected someone would be there for me, because that was after all what i wanted. I'm coming to find that the only person i can rely on to take care of me is me, because everyone else will get burnt out and leave me. Even my own parents are at the breaking point. It's time to grow up and face responsibility, something that i have been dreading since i could remember. I think i want to blame it on never really having a childhood like other kids, but what do i know. I'm no psych major... yet...
The only thing i can do is thank you for being there for me, to listen to me, to give me sound advice... Never in a million years would i imagine it would be you that's sort of let me stick around for so long. I thought for sure that you'd hate me for the rest of your life. But thank you. Maybe keeping you at that distance has kept you from burning out on me, i don't know. But i do appreciate everything you've done. Whether you know it or not you've been a great friend in my eyes.
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