Complaining ....
It's 2:30 am here and instead of sleeping I feel like rambling on... why? well, I just read Kelly's responses to the postings me, Alaina and Lorraine left, and I feel really critical of myself for some reason - I feel like I haven't expressed as much as I wanted to. I always blame it on the lack of words in my vocabulary, but I do read, often but maybe not what I should...
I get frustrated when I want to describe something, or express myself in more words which are formed all beautifully in my head, but when it comes to speaking or writing them out they seem to disappear in translation...
I haven't finished elementary school in Poland (left at the beginning of grade 7) so obviously I learned how to read and write properly in polish...but missed out on great classics (meaning books that were menditory to read during next years of school that would make my vocabulary more rich in a way)
In Canada I started mid grade 8, finished elementary school mostly because of the transcripts and doing math since the system is a bit different in Poland so I knew a bit more of math (don't need much english for math I guess), all through high school I usually got by because the teachers felt sorry for me that poor immigrant girl has to learn english so I got marks based on what I wrote not how I wrote, which was a very unfair thing when you think about it. I should've been tought proper english, proper grammar but everyone just wanted me to learn to speak, the rest would come "naturally". I didn't go to university even though I really wanted to, because of fear! fear of not knowing if I will be able to keep up with other students that did not have a language barrier. So I went to college, met two great polish girls and since we had the same courses got by once again...
What am I complaining about? well, I wished someone has pushed me more in school to not just get by and "oh with time you will learn the english language properly" I think this has prevented me from doing a lot of things I have wanted, writing being one of them...I think the only person that has truly made me want to write more then ever is Kelly! cause she didn't laugh at my spelling mistakes, or bad sentence structure or any other error, she took my story as a whole and didn't care that I am some poor immigrant girl who doesn't speak or write properly in english...
Conclusion?
Well I am truly lucky to have stumbled upon LJ and found Kelly and Alaina and Lorraine and Rozarka and Sare_Liz and Staciey and Drakelle and Icequeenselene and Dreamerdust and Brit and whoever else that has been kind and understanding and wonderful and "didn't laugh" at what I post and what I write.. that has always been my biggest fear - people laughing at me, not liking me - and I think this community has tought me that there are nice people in the world, that there is a reason I am writing here on lj that I am surrounded by talented people who - just like me - want to write, want to share want to be part of something great, want to meet and keep wonderful friendships...
So I am lucky, with that I can peacefully go to sleep...
I get frustrated when I want to describe something, or express myself in more words which are formed all beautifully in my head, but when it comes to speaking or writing them out they seem to disappear in translation...
I haven't finished elementary school in Poland (left at the beginning of grade 7) so obviously I learned how to read and write properly in polish...but missed out on great classics (meaning books that were menditory to read during next years of school that would make my vocabulary more rich in a way)
In Canada I started mid grade 8, finished elementary school mostly because of the transcripts and doing math since the system is a bit different in Poland so I knew a bit more of math (don't need much english for math I guess), all through high school I usually got by because the teachers felt sorry for me that poor immigrant girl has to learn english so I got marks based on what I wrote not how I wrote, which was a very unfair thing when you think about it. I should've been tought proper english, proper grammar but everyone just wanted me to learn to speak, the rest would come "naturally". I didn't go to university even though I really wanted to, because of fear! fear of not knowing if I will be able to keep up with other students that did not have a language barrier. So I went to college, met two great polish girls and since we had the same courses got by once again...
What am I complaining about? well, I wished someone has pushed me more in school to not just get by and "oh with time you will learn the english language properly" I think this has prevented me from doing a lot of things I have wanted, writing being one of them...I think the only person that has truly made me want to write more then ever is Kelly! cause she didn't laugh at my spelling mistakes, or bad sentence structure or any other error, she took my story as a whole and didn't care that I am some poor immigrant girl who doesn't speak or write properly in english...
Conclusion?
Well I am truly lucky to have stumbled upon LJ and found Kelly and Alaina and Lorraine and Rozarka and Sare_Liz and Staciey and Drakelle and Icequeenselene and Dreamerdust and Brit and whoever else that has been kind and understanding and wonderful and "didn't laugh" at what I post and what I write.. that has always been my biggest fear - people laughing at me, not liking me - and I think this community has tought me that there are nice people in the world, that there is a reason I am writing here on lj that I am surrounded by talented people who - just like me - want to write, want to share want to be part of something great, want to meet and keep wonderful friendships...
So I am lucky, with that I can peacefully go to sleep...