Hershey Park: Complete Cess Pool
OK, that's a bold title. But as you will soon see, Hershey park is literally a cesspool, so this had to be written:
A few months ago my company sponsored a trip to Hershey Park as our annual summer/fall outing. It was a great idea, this is the kind of place I work for, they do incredible stuff like this for their people. They really do neat stuff, and this would probably be one of the best ever including a rented pavilion for lunch, food, fun, entertainment, face painting for the kids, all sorts of family activities, and a day at the park.
In retrospect there were only two small, tiny problems:
1) It was in Pennsylvania.
2) It was at Hershey Park
PA has the worst roads on the Earth, probably including war torn nations. It's loaded with potholes, but on a Saturday it should be passable. And while HP was normally crowded we would have some space dedicated so why not.
Anyway... We set out from home at 10am, would be a 90 minute drive. The first indication of trouble came when we hit Harrison berg, and the road signs said 83 was closed. Of course they would close a major highway, why not, this is PA. I didn't think they would really DO it, but well they did. Google Maps was totally happy about this, but when I fired up Waze I got a very different story: Every road within 10 miles of Hershey PA was solid red. Apparently the state of PA decided to close the highway right before the Hershey park exit and it was a disaster.
So we got off the highway at the Detour and Waze offered a back road. I tend to view those as "interesting" as we have gone on some pretty interesting cross countries with Waze in TN. But the alternative was a parking lot, so we took the path.
And WHAT A PATH! It was an amazing two lane road that at some times went through people's homes. Literally. We went through small church cemeteries, up and down side roads a mountain goat would puke on, and through some of the most gorgeous countryside one could hope for. It was beautiful, and a nice 30 minute ride through the countryside to within 1 mile of Hershey park.
However it brought us to the Animal Kingdom entrance, and we noticed all the roads were clogged with no one directing traffic. Total disaster. So we fired up Google again and it told us to make a right on Chocolate road to the "Old Chocolate highway". So we did. And sat in stopped traffic, letting hours pass by to get to the parking lot.
As we were stopping and going I saw a merry go round come up on the side of the road! Oh yes, this must be the Hershey Park! And it was. It was the Chocolate Highway, the great stirring machine, where all the dark chocolate was sprayed in the air over huge vats!
Nope. It was the Hershey cesspool. Literally crap and human waste being aerated and rotted as a part of the water reclamation system. I guess you could say it was the Old Chocolate Highway, and I managed to turn off the outside air vents before the stench overpowered us, but we spent about a half an hour sitting there watching shit turned into chocolate....
Finally we got to a highway and I looked to my right. Not only was it completely JAMMED, but there was once again no one directing traffic and it looked like the "parking was an hour or two of solid cars snaking around the park, under an overpass (where we were) where they would take your money, then out to... well, nowhere. Then I saw the MOBS of people crossing the highway to get to the park. And I realized:
"This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen".
We wrote off lunch, that would end at 1:30pm. Yes, we spent about 2 hours sitting next to the Chocolate Cesspool known as Hershey. In fact we would not make the 3pm cutoff when tickets would not longer be given out. It was stupid.
I thought about the fact that all lots were packed. I thought about a thousand people crossing the street at a light change. I thought the park would literally be a deathtrap, and this is how people die in stampedes. And I realized that the two or three people with orange vests laying at the side of the road (maybe the Hershey Park traffic patrol? Maybe drunken hobos?) were all the organization there was, and would be completely useless.
And we turned around in the middle of the road and got the hell out of there. No problem, there was no one on the roads. But I passed about 5 MILES of solid backup leading to the park. And we didn't stop till a Ruby Tuesdays about a half hour away.
I'm really sorry we couldn't make it, I feel personally bad because people had worked really hard to make this happen. But the situation was literally hopeless and I thought physically dangerous, and the staff of Hershey Park did absolutely NOTHING to help. No signs, no notices, no people helping with traffic, they must have over-booked a bunch of events, took the money then went "Eh, we got your money, tough crap".
The phrase "I will NEVER go back to HP again in my life or my kids' lives" is an understatement. Maybe I have been spoiled by nice parks like Knobels and Dollywood or something but the people at those places actually seem to CARE. They have people working the roads, planning capacity, arranging thing so everyone is not totally screwed. HP just wants the money, then drops people into a really dangerous situation with no help, and no thought.
But at least we got to see some very nice scenery. And we stopped at Shed world on the way back and enjoyed walking around there. Honestly I doubt we would have been able to ride one ride at HP, and the swings and play sets at Shed World were far more fun. And they had parking. And food.
HP? The main attraction is the cesspool. That is what you will get.
A few months ago my company sponsored a trip to Hershey Park as our annual summer/fall outing. It was a great idea, this is the kind of place I work for, they do incredible stuff like this for their people. They really do neat stuff, and this would probably be one of the best ever including a rented pavilion for lunch, food, fun, entertainment, face painting for the kids, all sorts of family activities, and a day at the park.
In retrospect there were only two small, tiny problems:
1) It was in Pennsylvania.
2) It was at Hershey Park
PA has the worst roads on the Earth, probably including war torn nations. It's loaded with potholes, but on a Saturday it should be passable. And while HP was normally crowded we would have some space dedicated so why not.
Anyway... We set out from home at 10am, would be a 90 minute drive. The first indication of trouble came when we hit Harrison berg, and the road signs said 83 was closed. Of course they would close a major highway, why not, this is PA. I didn't think they would really DO it, but well they did. Google Maps was totally happy about this, but when I fired up Waze I got a very different story: Every road within 10 miles of Hershey PA was solid red. Apparently the state of PA decided to close the highway right before the Hershey park exit and it was a disaster.
So we got off the highway at the Detour and Waze offered a back road. I tend to view those as "interesting" as we have gone on some pretty interesting cross countries with Waze in TN. But the alternative was a parking lot, so we took the path.
And WHAT A PATH! It was an amazing two lane road that at some times went through people's homes. Literally. We went through small church cemeteries, up and down side roads a mountain goat would puke on, and through some of the most gorgeous countryside one could hope for. It was beautiful, and a nice 30 minute ride through the countryside to within 1 mile of Hershey park.
However it brought us to the Animal Kingdom entrance, and we noticed all the roads were clogged with no one directing traffic. Total disaster. So we fired up Google again and it told us to make a right on Chocolate road to the "Old Chocolate highway". So we did. And sat in stopped traffic, letting hours pass by to get to the parking lot.
As we were stopping and going I saw a merry go round come up on the side of the road! Oh yes, this must be the Hershey Park! And it was. It was the Chocolate Highway, the great stirring machine, where all the dark chocolate was sprayed in the air over huge vats!
Nope. It was the Hershey cesspool. Literally crap and human waste being aerated and rotted as a part of the water reclamation system. I guess you could say it was the Old Chocolate Highway, and I managed to turn off the outside air vents before the stench overpowered us, but we spent about a half an hour sitting there watching shit turned into chocolate....
Finally we got to a highway and I looked to my right. Not only was it completely JAMMED, but there was once again no one directing traffic and it looked like the "parking was an hour or two of solid cars snaking around the park, under an overpass (where we were) where they would take your money, then out to... well, nowhere. Then I saw the MOBS of people crossing the highway to get to the park. And I realized:
"This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen".
We wrote off lunch, that would end at 1:30pm. Yes, we spent about 2 hours sitting next to the Chocolate Cesspool known as Hershey. In fact we would not make the 3pm cutoff when tickets would not longer be given out. It was stupid.
I thought about the fact that all lots were packed. I thought about a thousand people crossing the street at a light change. I thought the park would literally be a deathtrap, and this is how people die in stampedes. And I realized that the two or three people with orange vests laying at the side of the road (maybe the Hershey Park traffic patrol? Maybe drunken hobos?) were all the organization there was, and would be completely useless.
And we turned around in the middle of the road and got the hell out of there. No problem, there was no one on the roads. But I passed about 5 MILES of solid backup leading to the park. And we didn't stop till a Ruby Tuesdays about a half hour away.
I'm really sorry we couldn't make it, I feel personally bad because people had worked really hard to make this happen. But the situation was literally hopeless and I thought physically dangerous, and the staff of Hershey Park did absolutely NOTHING to help. No signs, no notices, no people helping with traffic, they must have over-booked a bunch of events, took the money then went "Eh, we got your money, tough crap".
The phrase "I will NEVER go back to HP again in my life or my kids' lives" is an understatement. Maybe I have been spoiled by nice parks like Knobels and Dollywood or something but the people at those places actually seem to CARE. They have people working the roads, planning capacity, arranging thing so everyone is not totally screwed. HP just wants the money, then drops people into a really dangerous situation with no help, and no thought.
But at least we got to see some very nice scenery. And we stopped at Shed world on the way back and enjoyed walking around there. Honestly I doubt we would have been able to ride one ride at HP, and the swings and play sets at Shed World were far more fun. And they had parking. And food.
HP? The main attraction is the cesspool. That is what you will get.
