What do I do now?
The basics:
I'm 21. I can drink legally, book a room, support myself by working, and basically do whatever I want when just a few years ago I was just a teenager kid in high school with a curfew and allowance, living with Mommy and Daddy. I like to think I generally enjoy life right now. I'm young, I've been told I'm attractive, I have lots of freedom and independence, and there's theoretically not much to hold me back.
The good:
I have a car in my own name, I manage 2 credit cards, I have a nice apartment to live in, and I 'm able to pay my own bills.
I have a full time job by night, and take college courses by day. I'm privileged enough to be employed in a difficult job market and I have the advantage that millions of others don't have: I'm getting a college education.
I can support myself--I have some money, enough to live on, but maybe not as comfortably as I'd like.
I have a best friend, fantastic roommate, and a loving partner all wrapped into one (I love you, stormhusky ).
I have one or two great friends, a few good friends, and lots of cordial acquaintances who always seem happy to see me.
I am able to do some things I enjoy, and I have been lots of interesting places and had lots of fun in my young adult life thus far.
The bad:
I'm about $20K in student loan debt, thanks to me being too much of a sucker to realize what a fraud private colleges can be until I saw the light and transferred to a state school.
I currently live almost 1,000 miles away from my family, my home, and everything I ever used to care about, and I've planted too many roots out here to be able to go back home. Plus, Mom and Dad don't have space for me anymore and I'd never be able to afford living on my own in New York.
All my friends live hundreds of miles away, and it's a fillup (or two) and several hours on the road (or an expensive plane ticket) more often than not if I want some company.
I'm tired ALL THE TIME these days. Part of it is my schedule, part of it is the depression, but I feel like a walking zombie more often than not.
The ugly:
I won't have enough money to make it through the rest of the year unless I work dozens of overtime hours between now and January.
I have no idea what my living situation is going to be like in months, because we're currently trying to figure out what the rooming situation is going to be for next year. The only thing we know is that I won't be extending my lease at my current apartment.
I feel like I never talk to lots of my friends anymore, and that my life is pretty much taken up by bills, work, and homework right now. Instead of being with friends, I'm most often by myself these days, and instead of having fun, I'm working my ass off every day just to stay afloat.
I'm a rising senior in college and a young professional with 2 years of working experience, but I can honestly say I have no clue as to where I want to go in life, what I want to do, or who I want to be.
I'm clinically depressed and have low self-esteem, but I can't afford therapy or medication on top of all my other financial commitments.
The bottom line:
I've been growing up for 21 years, and I've been able to learn and cover most of the basics of life. I'm doing relatively well for my age, and I feel that things are generally stable for me right now. But what kills me is always wondering if I REALLY like the person I've grown up to be, and whether I've been making good choices or wasting my time and money, especially in the last year since I moved out from home.
So what do I do now? Because despite all this, it still feels like something's missing. Any comments are definitely appreciated.
I'm 21. I can drink legally, book a room, support myself by working, and basically do whatever I want when just a few years ago I was just a teenager kid in high school with a curfew and allowance, living with Mommy and Daddy. I like to think I generally enjoy life right now. I'm young, I've been told I'm attractive, I have lots of freedom and independence, and there's theoretically not much to hold me back.
The good:
I have a car in my own name, I manage 2 credit cards, I have a nice apartment to live in, and I 'm able to pay my own bills.
I have a full time job by night, and take college courses by day. I'm privileged enough to be employed in a difficult job market and I have the advantage that millions of others don't have: I'm getting a college education.
I can support myself--I have some money, enough to live on, but maybe not as comfortably as I'd like.
I have a best friend, fantastic roommate, and a loving partner all wrapped into one (I love you, stormhusky ).
I have one or two great friends, a few good friends, and lots of cordial acquaintances who always seem happy to see me.
I am able to do some things I enjoy, and I have been lots of interesting places and had lots of fun in my young adult life thus far.
The bad:
I'm about $20K in student loan debt, thanks to me being too much of a sucker to realize what a fraud private colleges can be until I saw the light and transferred to a state school.
I currently live almost 1,000 miles away from my family, my home, and everything I ever used to care about, and I've planted too many roots out here to be able to go back home. Plus, Mom and Dad don't have space for me anymore and I'd never be able to afford living on my own in New York.
All my friends live hundreds of miles away, and it's a fillup (or two) and several hours on the road (or an expensive plane ticket) more often than not if I want some company.
I'm tired ALL THE TIME these days. Part of it is my schedule, part of it is the depression, but I feel like a walking zombie more often than not.
The ugly:
I won't have enough money to make it through the rest of the year unless I work dozens of overtime hours between now and January.
I have no idea what my living situation is going to be like in months, because we're currently trying to figure out what the rooming situation is going to be for next year. The only thing we know is that I won't be extending my lease at my current apartment.
I feel like I never talk to lots of my friends anymore, and that my life is pretty much taken up by bills, work, and homework right now. Instead of being with friends, I'm most often by myself these days, and instead of having fun, I'm working my ass off every day just to stay afloat.
I'm a rising senior in college and a young professional with 2 years of working experience, but I can honestly say I have no clue as to where I want to go in life, what I want to do, or who I want to be.
I'm clinically depressed and have low self-esteem, but I can't afford therapy or medication on top of all my other financial commitments.
The bottom line:
I've been growing up for 21 years, and I've been able to learn and cover most of the basics of life. I'm doing relatively well for my age, and I feel that things are generally stable for me right now. But what kills me is always wondering if I REALLY like the person I've grown up to be, and whether I've been making good choices or wasting my time and money, especially in the last year since I moved out from home.
So what do I do now? Because despite all this, it still feels like something's missing. Any comments are definitely appreciated.