I find myself lost
I was surfing through LJ, looking at various posters, following links, finding communities etc, when I found this community pro_ana. A group dedicated pushing the cause of anorexia, and those who have it.
This sort of took me by surprise. I've always had problems understanding the mindset behind this particular disorder, as I simply can't understand it on any level. But I figured it had something to do with self image (duh). So those who have it, hate their self image and are trying to shape themself to something they like. However, I always figured it was some sort of skewed self perception. So an anorexic still saw themself as "too fat" etc, however thin they got. Which means that in their mind, they aren't anorexic, because they are still "fat"
But now, I see a group of misguided young idiots that don't have false impressions of their self image. They know exactly how they look, they know exactly the damage it does and they revel in it. I am stunned at the level of self loathing this must require.
As a race, have we always been like this? Has this self loathing and self destruction always been there, but simply hidden away by harder lifestyles or the like? Or is this something new? I can't believe that there have always been this many people cutting themselves in private, starving themselves to death, forcing themselves to throw up or otherwise indulging in self destructive cries for attention.
What has changed? And why can't I understand it?
This sort of took me by surprise. I've always had problems understanding the mindset behind this particular disorder, as I simply can't understand it on any level. But I figured it had something to do with self image (duh). So those who have it, hate their self image and are trying to shape themself to something they like. However, I always figured it was some sort of skewed self perception. So an anorexic still saw themself as "too fat" etc, however thin they got. Which means that in their mind, they aren't anorexic, because they are still "fat"
But now, I see a group of misguided young idiots that don't have false impressions of their self image. They know exactly how they look, they know exactly the damage it does and they revel in it. I am stunned at the level of self loathing this must require.
As a race, have we always been like this? Has this self loathing and self destruction always been there, but simply hidden away by harder lifestyles or the like? Or is this something new? I can't believe that there have always been this many people cutting themselves in private, starving themselves to death, forcing themselves to throw up or otherwise indulging in self destructive cries for attention.
What has changed? And why can't I understand it?