(no subject)
I don't write in my blog any more because I feel disconnected to my community.
I don't feel like I am part of anything when it comes to friendships.
I feel like I am drifting in and out of all of thes spectacularly solid friendships. I am usually on the outskirts. When the guest list allows, invite Alanna-otherwise business as usual.
I have been having a really hard time with my blood sugars in the afternoons. They go so high for absolutely no track able reason, then they crash. That's very hard on brain chemistry....very very hard.
I have a friend who joined my curling team, who isn't exactly a great team player-she has trouble not being in charge. I am the captain of this team. So yesterday in our curling group on FB she posted an order to which we play without consulting me. She inadvertently left another member off the play list. That member was obviously hurt they had some snarky words and the player who was left off privately messaged me and said she won't be on the team again. She doesn't have fun with the two new players. And you know what?? Neither do I so I get it! They aren't as fun, they try and control everything instead of just letting it be.
It is SO silly but it is stressing me out so bad. And in the end, I am a fringe friend anyway! Why should I bother trying to mend fences for every fucking person when I don't think they would do it for me anyway.
I just want to be someone's person. That isn't Todd, obviously. We are first and foremost in the friends thing-but I mean outside of my relationship. I wAnt to have one friend who will call or text and ask me to grab a coffee or go to Michaels or do whatever.
I have honestly not had that in a long time. It's something that I need in my life, and it's really not being fufilled.
I have these friends from my blogging community that I actually text with and talk with more than anyone who is here. They have skyped me from dinners at conferences I wasn't able to go to because of money. I wish I was closer to my tribes.
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
The least stressful and most amazing thing in my life is wedding planning and I'm scared that I am going to annoy people talking about it all the time so I don't talk about it to anyone but my maid of honour!
Oh my fuck anxiety. GET OUT
I don't feel like I am part of anything when it comes to friendships.
I feel like I am drifting in and out of all of thes spectacularly solid friendships. I am usually on the outskirts. When the guest list allows, invite Alanna-otherwise business as usual.
I have been having a really hard time with my blood sugars in the afternoons. They go so high for absolutely no track able reason, then they crash. That's very hard on brain chemistry....very very hard.
I have a friend who joined my curling team, who isn't exactly a great team player-she has trouble not being in charge. I am the captain of this team. So yesterday in our curling group on FB she posted an order to which we play without consulting me. She inadvertently left another member off the play list. That member was obviously hurt they had some snarky words and the player who was left off privately messaged me and said she won't be on the team again. She doesn't have fun with the two new players. And you know what?? Neither do I so I get it! They aren't as fun, they try and control everything instead of just letting it be.
It is SO silly but it is stressing me out so bad. And in the end, I am a fringe friend anyway! Why should I bother trying to mend fences for every fucking person when I don't think they would do it for me anyway.
I just want to be someone's person. That isn't Todd, obviously. We are first and foremost in the friends thing-but I mean outside of my relationship. I wAnt to have one friend who will call or text and ask me to grab a coffee or go to Michaels or do whatever.
I have honestly not had that in a long time. It's something that I need in my life, and it's really not being fufilled.
I have these friends from my blogging community that I actually text with and talk with more than anyone who is here. They have skyped me from dinners at conferences I wasn't able to go to because of money. I wish I was closer to my tribes.
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
The least stressful and most amazing thing in my life is wedding planning and I'm scared that I am going to annoy people talking about it all the time so I don't talk about it to anyone but my maid of honour!
Oh my fuck anxiety. GET OUT