(no subject)
I hate that I'm 30 and I have massive blow outs with my mother every year or so. She says something mean, I say she hurt my feelings, she comes back about why what she said shouldn't have been taken as "mean" and it's all in my head and why am I such an angry person? And she will never stop trying and she hopes and prays I will find a doctor who will help me with anger problems and and
Holy fuck is it so hard to fucking say SORRY? Why? Why can't she just say "sorry that offended you"? Why does she turn the tables on me and fucking flip the fuck out when I tell her she fucking hurt me, hurting me even further.
I feel so bad for my father because he is in the middle, he says I'm too hard on her.
I can't deal with it, but I can't disown them. I just want to talk to them and love them and spend time with them like they're my PARENTS not constantly feelings like I am walking on egg shells. Dads brush with cancer made me realize that our relationship is not what I want and I can't make it that way f this is the reaction I get when I say "that thing you said hurt my feelings."
Fuck.