(no subject)
I'm so torn.
First the great news: my dad is officially cancer free. He is a cancer survivor. Two years is when the doctors can mark you a survivor with this type of cancer. The feelings I have are overwhelming. I am so grateful. I watched 3 of my very close friends lose parents in the past two years, I know I have another few friends who are struggling with parents who are aging or battling illness or both. I am so lucky. My family is so lucky. I will never forget that. The tragedy of quietly observing my friends go through the loss has made my relationship with my father closer than ever and I hope that I can keep it that way....
Which leads me to this: I hate when my parents visit...or come to Halifax I should say. I know this totally goes against what I just wrote, but it's true and I'm a bad person for saying it.
Anyway, they aren't ever HERE when they're here, you know. They are the type of people who can not just sit down and relax, they have to be doing or entertaining or something. This is the opposite of Todd and I. We can sit with a glass of wine in complete silence with books on the deck and be totally happy. My parents are always complaining about t brother and his wife never making time for them, so I try to leave my schedule wide open for them.
They came on Wednesday night at 10pm, they made supper on Thursday....I haven't seen them since.
I asked dad to do sushi with me and mom to go shopping with me they said they will see how plans turn out (they packed up and are staying at their friends' place). Mom texted me this morning and asked what's up, she was out shopping with her friend. I asked her why she didn't call me to go she said "we'll I didn't know your schedule" despite me clearly stating I'm free all weekend.
Dad texted me to make plans for tomorrow which I am sure will be a rushed breakfast since they will be heading home.
It's heartbreaking. I don't even know how to tell them this without them turning it on
Me, because that's what they do (see moms statement above).
Dad told me last year that they aren't comfortable here because we are so cold and distant to them, but I don't know what that even means in context. When I asked what he meant he said he got that feeling.
I can't stop what he's feeling and I can't change behaviour if they don't tell me! Argh.
Admittedly, my mother drives me bonkers. I love her because she is my mom but I don't like her. She is self righteous and a know it all who tries to diagnose everyone she comes in contact with. I always have my guard up around her because she says things that are just mean. If you dare point that out she claims that I am "internalizing" everything and I am too harsh on her.
I have learned that less is more with her, but I am anxious a lot around her.
I miss not being an adult!
How do I tell them I want to spend time with them but I don't want them to be mean? Because like, I already said those exact words and clearly it didn't work since they have spent a few hours out of the 4 days they have been here with me.