reaching the surface, gasping for air
(damn I'm lazy. still not keeping up on the whole everyday thing, though maybe it'd better to just write when I've something to say. In any case i've been meanin to write this entry for 2-3 weeks now. better late than never?)
I've been feeling pretty good lately. On an everyday basis, that is. Sure work sucks, but what's new? Aside from that, the world is seeming sane again.
I got my ass good and kicked about 5 months ago now. I was battered and bruised pretty bad for about 3 months and at about 4 months I started to notice not feeling like complete shit on a hourly basis anymore. Now at % I'm pretty damned OK.
I hope this trend continues. I really really need a fucking UPSWING again. My life tends to go towards dramatic ups and downs. Five months of "down" is enough, I hope. I just hope that the karmic scales don't go for perfect symmetry when seeking cosmic balance. I had about 10 months of some pretty serious upswing before I stepped onto a karmic landmine back in June.
Looking back to last September, things went amazing. The Bears '06 season started with a bang and just kept on going, resulting in a fucking MAGICAL season. ( sure it didn't have the perfect ending, but wow was it fun to watch). Also, I had a whole semester of school that went REALLY well. I had just moved in with my brother and sister-in-law when the semester started so I was out of that hellhole apartment. The Bears season carried me into February and right about the time that was going away, the whole experience with.... HER had started. That was fantastic enough to carry me through several more months.
Really the only BAD thing that happened from September '06 to mid-June '07 was that eight months after moving IN with my brother and sister-in-law, I was swiftly kicked out in that wonderful "get out or we'll throw your shit in the dumpster while you're at work manner." Because, y'know... family is IMPORTANT. But that's okay. My sister-in-law is batshit insane; Rachel Ray probably told her to do it. I digress.
In any case, even THAT wasn't all bad. In fact it was a blessing in disguise.
My roommate is really cool, and we're pretty good friends now. His sister is also completely awesome. She's the younger sibling I never got to beat up on. We fight accordingly. I'd win more often, but she cheats (oh, that right. I said it. I'll say it again: CHEATS!) And her boyfriend is really cool as well (despite the fact that he seems to be of the terribly misguided opinion that I'm, apparently, asian).
Furthermore, my roommate's whole group of friends are people I get along surprisingly well with, despite my antisocial tendencies. La, Sa, Ta, and }:-(!) are all totally cool (in a completely out of control kind of way. So, yeah. Crazy in-laws aside, getting kicked out was the best thing that could've happened. That's how awesome sept-thru-june was, even the WORST thing to happen turned out great.
Things STARTED going bad in early June but I didn't catch on because other things were going really well and it just sorta creeped up on me. Then came the karmic pile-driver. The emotional equivalent to what happened to Joe Pesci's character at the end of Casino. Only instead of burying him, they wail on him until he passes out, wake him up with smelling salts, repeat that process four more times, douse him in gasoline, set him on fire, then piss on the fiery mess. (I hope I'm making clear JUST how much June sucked). It's been long enough that the details are fuzzy aside from the fact that i slept a cumulative of about 8 hours in the last 1/3 of June. (sure A LOT of it was MY fault, but there was still some really fucked-up, unfair shit that went down that to this very day I understand very little of what happened and still think there's a lot that I was either never told or flat-out lied to about. Regardless, I have to take fault).
If June wasn't bad enough, it was all downhill from there. Yes there were a few good times, but even those where generally followed by a gut-punch and kick in the jewels. But whatever. Fuck it.
The point is that I finally feel like I'm about the reach the surface after several months of drowning in bullshit, and take a nice big gasp. I just hope it's not an illusion or apparition. 10 months of good, 5 months of bad... that evens out, right? I certainly fucking hope so.
Here's to mornings worth waking up to.
I've been feeling pretty good lately. On an everyday basis, that is. Sure work sucks, but what's new? Aside from that, the world is seeming sane again.
I got my ass good and kicked about 5 months ago now. I was battered and bruised pretty bad for about 3 months and at about 4 months I started to notice not feeling like complete shit on a hourly basis anymore. Now at % I'm pretty damned OK.
I hope this trend continues. I really really need a fucking UPSWING again. My life tends to go towards dramatic ups and downs. Five months of "down" is enough, I hope. I just hope that the karmic scales don't go for perfect symmetry when seeking cosmic balance. I had about 10 months of some pretty serious upswing before I stepped onto a karmic landmine back in June.
Looking back to last September, things went amazing. The Bears '06 season started with a bang and just kept on going, resulting in a fucking MAGICAL season. ( sure it didn't have the perfect ending, but wow was it fun to watch). Also, I had a whole semester of school that went REALLY well. I had just moved in with my brother and sister-in-law when the semester started so I was out of that hellhole apartment. The Bears season carried me into February and right about the time that was going away, the whole experience with.... HER had started. That was fantastic enough to carry me through several more months.
Really the only BAD thing that happened from September '06 to mid-June '07 was that eight months after moving IN with my brother and sister-in-law, I was swiftly kicked out in that wonderful "get out or we'll throw your shit in the dumpster while you're at work manner." Because, y'know... family is IMPORTANT. But that's okay. My sister-in-law is batshit insane; Rachel Ray probably told her to do it. I digress.
In any case, even THAT wasn't all bad. In fact it was a blessing in disguise.
My roommate is really cool, and we're pretty good friends now. His sister is also completely awesome. She's the younger sibling I never got to beat up on. We fight accordingly. I'd win more often, but she cheats (oh, that right. I said it. I'll say it again: CHEATS!) And her boyfriend is really cool as well (despite the fact that he seems to be of the terribly misguided opinion that I'm, apparently, asian).
Furthermore, my roommate's whole group of friends are people I get along surprisingly well with, despite my antisocial tendencies. La, Sa, Ta, and }:-(!) are all totally cool (in a completely out of control kind of way. So, yeah. Crazy in-laws aside, getting kicked out was the best thing that could've happened. That's how awesome sept-thru-june was, even the WORST thing to happen turned out great.
Things STARTED going bad in early June but I didn't catch on because other things were going really well and it just sorta creeped up on me. Then came the karmic pile-driver. The emotional equivalent to what happened to Joe Pesci's character at the end of Casino. Only instead of burying him, they wail on him until he passes out, wake him up with smelling salts, repeat that process four more times, douse him in gasoline, set him on fire, then piss on the fiery mess. (I hope I'm making clear JUST how much June sucked). It's been long enough that the details are fuzzy aside from the fact that i slept a cumulative of about 8 hours in the last 1/3 of June. (sure A LOT of it was MY fault, but there was still some really fucked-up, unfair shit that went down that to this very day I understand very little of what happened and still think there's a lot that I was either never told or flat-out lied to about. Regardless, I have to take fault).
If June wasn't bad enough, it was all downhill from there. Yes there were a few good times, but even those where generally followed by a gut-punch and kick in the jewels. But whatever. Fuck it.
The point is that I finally feel like I'm about the reach the surface after several months of drowning in bullshit, and take a nice big gasp. I just hope it's not an illusion or apparition. 10 months of good, 5 months of bad... that evens out, right? I certainly fucking hope so.
Here's to mornings worth waking up to.