I'm a bit anti-social at the moment...
And I've been this way probably for a few weeks....
It's really weird. I'm an outgoing person, but there are times when I honestly don't feel like being bothered with people. Especially this week when I get a phone call from my boss telling me that my co-worker feels that I'm not training her properly. Talk about a blow to the chest. I'm glad that he and I have a tight relationship because I'm sure most bosses may not be so subjective in their opinions. But I did explain to him that she's been doing a lot of the daily tasks while I handle all of the trouble shooting so I don't understand why she feels like she doesn't know what she's doing. And this lady is a nice person, but she does not follow instructions very well at times. Overall she can do the job when I tell her to do it, but critical thinking will be her biggest difficulty because I don't think any job she's ever had required that she had to do research or investigate. But I'm already at the mindset that I don't want to be there for any longer than necessary.
The job could be a part of my being anti-social at the present moment. And part of the reason why I have been motivated to go and exercise like I should. I do plan to go to 24 fitness since they built one within walking distance of my house and sign up for a membership. That way I can use their pool. I've definitely taken a liking to swimming again after I took the one swimming class last semester which I plan to take again.School starts soon and I am glad for it, nothing like mental stimulation to take your mind off of the crap.
I know people have been calling me on my phone a lot lately and I just don't feel inspired to return the call. Maybe because I spend a good portion of my day at work on the phone that I literally toss my phone to the side on my weekends. Yeah that's bad because there could be an emergency that I may need to attend to, but I grow weary of always having to take care of things. I do feel alone in my job because I often feel like the weight of everything is contengent on whether I can make things work. I'm part of a team, yet I feel as if no one else helps out when I need help. It's like the ol "hang in there" speech. A person can only listen to that for so long before feeling like this isn't worth the blood, sweat or tears and Lord knows how many times I've spent crying at my desk. That is never a fun task. That's probably why I get sick so often, not to mention the fact that the last time they added filters to their ventilation system was probably when I was born (circa 1981).
The challenge I face now is not to let it get to me so much. I guess it's partially my pride because I take pride in my work and I know nobody in that place knows the ropes like I do. Yes bold words from such a bold girl, but it is the truth. My boss tells me when he takes over the world I will be his assistant. Talk about admiration right? And I love him as a person because he has my true interests at heart and although he's not always there to share in my grief I know he tries his best. And that's all you can ever ask of a person is to give their all. Not to get off topic, but I just wanted to put that out there. There are very few people in this world who will go to bat for you and it's always nice to acknowledge them when the opportunity is afforded.
So I've talked to my mom about it and she says that I shouldn't let it affect me so much, but again it is hard because I do care to see that the company I work for is successful. Despite the fact that they make an absurd amount of money I still like to say that I do my part. But then I've been doing my part solo for quite some time so I hope that accounts for something. But all in all I must keep my focus so that I can attain my degree. It's really sucky that I can't change jobs since the economy is so bad I'm afraid of leaving for fear that I may end up at a place that could be defunct within the year. I know that my job is secure for the next few years so I'm not too worried. I just think that job is definitely affecting my mood.
I am excited that I will be going sky diving on February 28th. Once in a lifetime deal and I'm fortunate to have friends who actually have the nerve to want to do it. My friend Laura is turning 30 so she figured why not let's go for it. I think when I turn 30 I will try to plan a trip to Europe. I figure since the economy sucks so bad it will effect tourism too and I bet I can get some sweet deals. If I do plan to take a trip I will want to take my mom. She reads in her romance novels about these places and I know she's always wanted to go see them. So I definitely will try to make that happen.
My love life is non-existent through no fault of my own. I did sign up on e-Harmony, but lazy me didn't want to pay the fee to communicate with the people who did express interest in me. One of these days I'll give it a try. I know a few people who've tried it and found happiness. I just don't know if I'm ready for that type of commitment just yet. I've had a lot of up's and downs with the opposite sex. Not to mention mixed signals. I do know what I'm not looking for and I definitely don't want someone who is not going to show up %100. No more part time lovers, homie lover friends, friends with benefits. Been there done all of that! Plus, I'm STD paranoid so you definitely would have to get tested because I don't have STD's or HIV and I'm not about to get it because someone else is careless in whom they have sex with.
So this journal entry didn't really lighten my mood. Maybe I just need to find some other means to vent.