.: 013 :.
What is with this place that I’m having nightmares again? Shou. Shaoran killed him like he killed the others. He was my friend but when I saw him die, I didn’t feel any grief for him just like I didn’t feel grief for any of the others. Is it the recent many deaths in Econtra that’s making me feel like this? But it’s been over a year, two years almost. I can hardly even remember his face…
…I know it’s nothing like Yuli’s though! That was-that was embarrassing. I woke up and I was kissing Yuli. I shouldn’t have. I don’t even know why I had because, well, I was dreaming of Shou and I have kissed him before, but--I shouldn’t have.
Yuli. He said he loved me. How can he love someone like me? He doesn’t know the things I’ve done or the people I’ve hurt. He said he doesn’t care, but, how can he not care? I’m a terrible person and-
I like being held by Yuli though. He’s the first person in a long while that I can stand to touch me. Even Shaoran…well, Shaoran won’t hold me like that so I don’t know. Still. Being held by Yuli feels safe. But-I don’t know. It’s just-just not right.
And Shaoran and Sakura and the others. I have to make contact with them again. What am I doing forgetting about them? If we’re all still here, if Shaoran’s still here, there’s still a chance to make everything right. I have to keep my focus!