I am hoping you would, so I could say don't
Once again, I start off with the links in hopes you will continue reading my entry (not that it matters as I write for myself once the links are up). I've been perusing some favored blogs, and I thought I would share :D Most are self-explanatory.
Texts from last night : WTF texts that leave you D:
Why the fuck do you have a kid : If you aren't in favor of breeding liscenses, you might after this blog.
This is why you're fat : Yeah, don't look at this on an weak stomach. You'll either vomit or gulp down drool from all the fattening foods, and you don't really want both to happen within seconds.
Haute Macabre : I am in love with this dark, fashion blog. Periodically (often at that) the blog has links to nine items at a particular price increment ($50 was the highest, and I have seen $10 posts) that are fairly hot and of course -- Black. :D
I mean, come on! I love this shit.
Karla's Closet : This is a new one, but I really enjoy it. Street fashion, ftw! :D
And only half a crappy Dunkin Donuts chocolate cake donut was eaten this morning :D I actually grabbed it because I thought I was getting Starbucks drip coffee, and I felt guilty about grabbing the donut and not eating. Should have dropped the whole damn thing in the trash.
Oi, how do I explain just how happy I am? Since being with S, it's like I have encountered an explosion of resolute strength and burning desire to straight up pwn life. And all those skills I was wondering "what happened to 'em" are back in force. I blow off bs, I laugh at myself, I don't rehash former events becoming angrier as I think of them, and I don't feel as obsessive. I am reinvigorated, excited, eating more (depression does one of two things for me... undereat or overeat... now I feel a healthy balance), focusing on what makes me happy. And I am so happy to say it's not all him.
Oh yes, S entering my life and knowingly being for me what I need (a strong, hot, caring male to show me that I am worth far more than being disrespected and talked down to), it's a great thing! It was simply the catalyst for my phoenix-like awakening, though saying simple dumbs down just how I feel about him. I have been questioning why I have been stuck on assholes who have very little respect for me, and my thoughts came down to not knowing what chemistry existed between the guys I have loved and myself. I was opting for guys I had a good connect to, not realizing that "Hey, they aren't the kinda guy that's good for you to date." It's like I ignored the red flags because I thought "Oh, all things take work."
Ummm, not so. There was no work in falling for Chris. There was no work in loving Tom. So why has there been work for the assholes I have dated (though I give Jesse credit in that we really just weren't compatible... there wasn't much work in the relationship, though I was disinterested most of the time). Now, to sustain a relationship is definite work. But to fall for someone? Bah, that shit should be like butter for the first few months, and I'm really too old/mature/focused to really want to date anyone that I won't fall for. Oh yippee... take up my time when I could be doing something that I enjoy and makes me happy. I could be working out, gaming, playing with Sam, taking care of my business. Why date just to hit road blocks?
So, I see the internal problems with why I have chosen the wrong guys. Let's be honest with ourself, Meshell. BB and D are not real assholes, out to fuck me over at every corner. The former is emotionally immature and the latter lacks sensitivity (actually that describes them both), but that doesn't make them bad people. That makes them just not for me.
How do I know who's for me and who isn't? Well, I suppose I could go back and think about what Tom and Chris did right (Yes, I should consider Bob, as he does have my love and has for a long time). I can't really pinpoint what it was about us that worked so well. Why was it that it was complete smooth sailing until near the end? ARHGARHGARGH I want a book of Meshell that tells me how I figure this out, marry a tall, dark, and handsome gentleman, and raise doggies.
I will figure it out; this much I am sure of. S is there to reinforce the thought that I am too good of a woman to be treated without the utmost respect and that it's ok to have high expectations and standards for your partner. I don't need to drop my standards to find a great mate; I just need to make sure they aren't moving to California in 3 months ;D
For the longest time I was convinced I wouldn't find anyone that met those standards. S proves that it isn't true. Next time I start thinking that, I got this experience with S to keep me going.
Here's to the next 3 months.
Texts from last night : WTF texts that leave you D:
Why the fuck do you have a kid : If you aren't in favor of breeding liscenses, you might after this blog.
This is why you're fat : Yeah, don't look at this on an weak stomach. You'll either vomit or gulp down drool from all the fattening foods, and you don't really want both to happen within seconds.
Haute Macabre : I am in love with this dark, fashion blog. Periodically (often at that) the blog has links to nine items at a particular price increment ($50 was the highest, and I have seen $10 posts) that are fairly hot and of course -- Black. :D
I mean, come on! I love this shit.
Karla's Closet : This is a new one, but I really enjoy it. Street fashion, ftw! :D
And only half a crappy Dunkin Donuts chocolate cake donut was eaten this morning :D I actually grabbed it because I thought I was getting Starbucks drip coffee, and I felt guilty about grabbing the donut and not eating. Should have dropped the whole damn thing in the trash.
Oi, how do I explain just how happy I am? Since being with S, it's like I have encountered an explosion of resolute strength and burning desire to straight up pwn life. And all those skills I was wondering "what happened to 'em" are back in force. I blow off bs, I laugh at myself, I don't rehash former events becoming angrier as I think of them, and I don't feel as obsessive. I am reinvigorated, excited, eating more (depression does one of two things for me... undereat or overeat... now I feel a healthy balance), focusing on what makes me happy. And I am so happy to say it's not all him.
Oh yes, S entering my life and knowingly being for me what I need (a strong, hot, caring male to show me that I am worth far more than being disrespected and talked down to), it's a great thing! It was simply the catalyst for my phoenix-like awakening, though saying simple dumbs down just how I feel about him. I have been questioning why I have been stuck on assholes who have very little respect for me, and my thoughts came down to not knowing what chemistry existed between the guys I have loved and myself. I was opting for guys I had a good connect to, not realizing that "Hey, they aren't the kinda guy that's good for you to date." It's like I ignored the red flags because I thought "Oh, all things take work."
Ummm, not so. There was no work in falling for Chris. There was no work in loving Tom. So why has there been work for the assholes I have dated (though I give Jesse credit in that we really just weren't compatible... there wasn't much work in the relationship, though I was disinterested most of the time). Now, to sustain a relationship is definite work. But to fall for someone? Bah, that shit should be like butter for the first few months, and I'm really too old/mature/focused to really want to date anyone that I won't fall for. Oh yippee... take up my time when I could be doing something that I enjoy and makes me happy. I could be working out, gaming, playing with Sam, taking care of my business. Why date just to hit road blocks?
So, I see the internal problems with why I have chosen the wrong guys. Let's be honest with ourself, Meshell. BB and D are not real assholes, out to fuck me over at every corner. The former is emotionally immature and the latter lacks sensitivity (actually that describes them both), but that doesn't make them bad people. That makes them just not for me.
How do I know who's for me and who isn't? Well, I suppose I could go back and think about what Tom and Chris did right (Yes, I should consider Bob, as he does have my love and has for a long time). I can't really pinpoint what it was about us that worked so well. Why was it that it was complete smooth sailing until near the end? ARHGARHGARGH I want a book of Meshell that tells me how I figure this out, marry a tall, dark, and handsome gentleman, and raise doggies.
I will figure it out; this much I am sure of. S is there to reinforce the thought that I am too good of a woman to be treated without the utmost respect and that it's ok to have high expectations and standards for your partner. I don't need to drop my standards to find a great mate; I just need to make sure they aren't moving to California in 3 months ;D
For the longest time I was convinced I wouldn't find anyone that met those standards. S proves that it isn't true. Next time I start thinking that, I got this experience with S to keep me going.
Here's to the next 3 months.