I know I made mistakes in this, and I am ready to admit to them. I could go on and on about times I let my insecurities and fears keep me from being the kick-ass person that I am.
Yeah, I will get over D and the relationship. I think I am just angry that he whipped me around and got me so confused, but that was a constant aspect the whole time we were together. I never knew what he thought of me or what he wanted from me other than physical things (sex, cuddles, food, video games).
He would have made a great person to hang out with. I can't say friend because I expect my friends to listen, to want to know about me, and to have some feelings towards me. I mean, hell... Why would I want to waste my time with ANYONE that didn't care about me? I can do everything I did the day before alone far better than I can with someone who doesn't care about, respect, or believe in me.
And yeah... the Yuchas thing was so much fun. I really enjoyed being around them (though D.Y. would throw me under the bus for a good laugh... She didn't realize that when I say "please don't tell others" or "please don't put that picture in the album" because either would embarass me, I mean it), but they only took me in because of D. Not because they actually liked me.
I will continue to go to HH. I feel pretty nervous about going there though (I am convinced the B team feels I am off limits, therefore I am the annoying D-gf, not the hawtie single they want). Insecurities!!! It also doesn't help that one of the girls in the group (R.R.) has decided she doesn't want anything to do with me. It's so sickeningly obvious that I want to shake my head at the passive aggressive attitude.
Just be sure to let me know when you or Val go. I would be 1000 times more comfortable with having a safe group I can be around.
And focusing on myself? Hehe, I've already lost the Xmas fat I gained from tasty foods and lack of exercise just this week from focusing on myself (walking sam, work out vids, healthy balanced diet returning ^_^ ). Focusing on myself always brings great, pants-size dropping results. Maybe we can go to Schlitterbahn and I can run around in a bikini again :) And this time I won't let the weirdo workers point out that I have cleavage *eyeroll*
I don't really know EY but his wifey is a major bitch and I could do without her forever.
Go to HH. You are like freaking Norm (Cheers reference) when you walk in there. BradB, JeffB, and the other guys love having you around because of you, not because you were D's GF. I know you'd be missed if you quit showing.
And really, don't worry about RR. She has a rep as the local whore because she seemingly made the rounds of a small group of guys. If she is so shallow as to forget you because you are no longer with D, she can suck it. And she probably has. :X
I understand. I'm trying to go regularly because I miss some of the guys, but I'm just now getting over the surgery + holidays + sickness. I'll keep you posted when I go.
Yeah, DY was enjoyable to be around, but I was very cautious with her. She was not to be trusted with any secret in my book.
Haha, I will have to watch some Cheers so I can see Norm in action again. I really shouldn't let my insecurities keep me from enjoying the people I like to be around. Though I gotta say it's time to lay the smack down on Tank for being a general douche.
I don't think D would sleep with RR, and she seemed pretty pissed about the way he spoke/treated me. But then she suddenly decided she didn't want to talk to me *shrugs* I'm just gonna confront her about it and go from there. People who profess to be uber Christian always disappoint me when they pull this shit (she said she was very open, honest, and caring and then she plays this game).
Hahaha, when you typed surgery, I thought it said "sugary." I was like WTF sugary? The sugary things attacked her during Xmas? Please do keep me posted, but now I feel more confident about going to HH.
The Norm reference was purely that when you walk in to Star, the entire place goes "HEY MUHSHEEEEEELL!" very excitedly. No one else gets that treatment.
Tank is a big loser. After we tried to nurse him to life that night, he completely ignored me anytime he saw me. He can jump up my ass.
HAhaha, I see what you mean. I'm gonna have to pay attention so that I get that reaffirmation of awesome-icity.
I think it was because he was so embarrassed to be in that situation that if he doesn't talk to you, it didn't happen. Really mature and all. Whatever people want to do to fool themselves into believing that they aren't human and don't make mistakes/fuck up *eye roll* I'm so tired of that mentality with D.
Speaking of which... I've decided that there is this subset of engineer males full of ego centric little boys that are convinced they are the best thing since sliced bread. Now that D is single, he can join them in their Lonely As Fuck party.
His college-like binge drinking is quite passe. When Val and I were closing her tab at Star he was busy chugging a beer in contest with another young engineer. They had a group of boys cheering them on too. It makes me *sigh*. I'm all for enjoying yourself and perhaps playing a party game or two, but public acts of drunken stupidity and excessive drinking are not cool past the age of 20.
I can name the cool young engineers on one hand. Maybe two and a foot. Most of the do not run around with the B team.
OH god, that is so childish too. I mean, I think it's cool when you're at a party and that's the sole intent -- to party and binge on stupidity. But in a public place? Oh lord. Call D up so he can compete too and wonder why there are so few girls hanging around them.
Oh lord, I did not tell you about me pwning one of the engineers. I didn't know his name, but a couple of us were standing around and "More than a feeling" comes on. Of course I gotta rock out and sing silly made up lyrics to it. So, I do and say "This is why I got a liberal arts degree." This one guy goes "Yeah, that was lame." I wasn't having it, so I said "Whatever, man. You just wish you had the fucking talent to improv like that. Go ahead. Do it. NOW!" I start laughing, and he frowns and walks off.
I mean, seriously... Did he want me to take that shit lying down? People better be ready to walk the walk if they are gonna mock the talk. I might not use my degree to make money, but I use it to have fun. I avidly remember sitting around the piano in the band hall/choir room, playing covers to songs with made up words on some random subject we chose.
It sucks that the better guys don't run around with the B team. I feel silly, but I really want to stick around the B team because I want a group of people like I did in HS. I will hate some, love others, and have frenemies. I can already tell RR wants to become frenemies with her Jesus On Her Sleeve attitude.
Yeah, I will get over D and the relationship. I think I am just angry that he whipped me around and got me so confused, but that was a constant aspect the whole time we were together. I never knew what he thought of me or what he wanted from me other than physical things (sex, cuddles, food, video games).
He would have made a great person to hang out with. I can't say friend because I expect my friends to listen, to want to know about me, and to have some feelings towards me. I mean, hell... Why would I want to waste my time with ANYONE that didn't care about me? I can do everything I did the day before alone far better than I can with someone who doesn't care about, respect, or believe in me.
And yeah... the Yuchas thing was so much fun. I really enjoyed being around them (though D.Y. would throw me under the bus for a good laugh... She didn't realize that when I say "please don't tell others" or "please don't put that picture in the album" because either would embarass me, I mean it), but they only took me in because of D. Not because they actually liked me.
I will continue to go to HH. I feel pretty nervous about going there though (I am convinced the B team feels I am off limits, therefore I am the annoying D-gf, not the hawtie single they want). Insecurities!!! It also doesn't help that one of the girls in the group (R.R.) has decided she doesn't want anything to do with me. It's so sickeningly obvious that I want to shake my head at the passive aggressive attitude.
Just be sure to let me know when you or Val go. I would be 1000 times more comfortable with having a safe group I can be around.
And focusing on myself? Hehe, I've already lost the Xmas fat I gained from tasty foods and lack of exercise just this week from focusing on myself (walking sam, work out vids, healthy balanced diet returning ^_^ ). Focusing on myself always brings great, pants-size dropping results. Maybe we can go to Schlitterbahn and I can run around in a bikini again :) And this time I won't let the weirdo workers point out that I have cleavage *eyeroll*
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Go to HH. You are like freaking Norm (Cheers reference) when you walk in there. BradB, JeffB, and the other guys love having you around because of you, not because you were D's GF. I know you'd be missed if you quit showing.
And really, don't worry about RR. She has a rep as the local whore because she seemingly made the rounds of a small group of guys. If she is so shallow as to forget you because you are no longer with D, she can suck it. And she probably has. :X
I understand. I'm trying to go regularly because I miss some of the guys, but I'm just now getting over the surgery + holidays + sickness. I'll keep you posted when I go.
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Haha, I will have to watch some Cheers so I can see Norm in action again. I really shouldn't let my insecurities keep me from enjoying the people I like to be around. Though I gotta say it's time to lay the smack down on Tank for being a general douche.
I don't think D would sleep with RR, and she seemed pretty pissed about the way he spoke/treated me. But then she suddenly decided she didn't want to talk to me *shrugs* I'm just gonna confront her about it and go from there. People who profess to be uber Christian always disappoint me when they pull this shit (she said she was very open, honest, and caring and then she plays this game).
Hahaha, when you typed surgery, I thought it said "sugary." I was like WTF sugary? The sugary things attacked her during Xmas? Please do keep me posted, but now I feel more confident about going to HH.
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Tank is a big loser. After we tried to nurse him to life that night, he completely ignored me anytime he saw me. He can jump up my ass.
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I think it was because he was so embarrassed to be in that situation that if he doesn't talk to you, it didn't happen. Really mature and all. Whatever people want to do to fool themselves into believing that they aren't human and don't make mistakes/fuck up *eye roll* I'm so tired of that mentality with D.
Speaking of which... I've decided that there is this subset of engineer males full of ego centric little boys that are convinced they are the best thing since sliced bread. Now that D is single, he can join them in their Lonely As Fuck party.
Reply
I can name the cool young engineers on one hand. Maybe two and a foot. Most of the do not run around with the B team.
Reply
Oh lord, I did not tell you about me pwning one of the engineers. I didn't know his name, but a couple of us were standing around and "More than a feeling" comes on. Of course I gotta rock out and sing silly made up lyrics to it. So, I do and say "This is why I got a liberal arts degree." This one guy goes "Yeah, that was lame." I wasn't having it, so I said "Whatever, man. You just wish you had the fucking talent to improv like that. Go ahead. Do it. NOW!" I start laughing, and he frowns and walks off.
I mean, seriously... Did he want me to take that shit lying down? People better be ready to walk the walk if they are gonna mock the talk. I might not use my degree to make money, but I use it to have fun. I avidly remember sitting around the piano in the band hall/choir room, playing covers to songs with made up words on some random subject we chose.
It sucks that the better guys don't run around with the B team. I feel silly, but I really want to stick around the B team because I want a group of people like I did in HS. I will hate some, love others, and have frenemies. I can already tell RR wants to become frenemies with her Jesus On Her Sleeve attitude.
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