This is why I always thought the worst of you.

[cynicalgrey]

Today I went biking, listening to Tom's mididisk player (He said I could have it. Yippee...). Flaming Lips' Feeling Yourself Disintegrate with the sun in my sunglassed eyes

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[cynicalgrey]

True. As I said, it wasn't all his fault. I didn't progress with my life because I wanted to wait until we could continue it on together (I believed that he was going to devote the same amount of energy as I had into the relationship; it's disheartening that this little set back allowed him to act on the things he always wanted with others). I willingly chose to put my life on hold for him, a huge mistake. I know if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be in the pickle I am in now. But it's a nice pickle, and I do like kosher.

Hey, that's what a new year is for! I couldn't have been forced into change at a better time. I love the single, free, beautiful, mysterious little girl I have always been (mabe not the single part). It always makes me giggle that people think they know what I am thinking behind my smiles.

I won't admit I am a hottie right now, but I feel really fugly atm. Maybe when I rebuild that selfconfidence, I will. It's odd how not being told you look beautiful or pretty for a month can get you down. It's not like Tom told me anything like that for the whole 9 months prior to this mess. Once again, I was just waiting around. ^_~