its 4:14am

[cynicalblank]

I am sitting alone in my messy room, wearing the shirt that he gave me... left with nothing but thoughts.. i have become nervous, and shakey.. my mind is scrambled and i have found myself doing something i wouldn't never imagine myself doing... things slow down for a bit and i begin to cry thoughtlessly, then i turn over just a big and feel the body pillow resting against my back... i feel comfort... i feel warm like his body heat standing next to me as we walk the neighborhood in the cold.. tonight was a perfect shade fo dark blue.. I hate going nights without seeing him.. even for one or two seconds.. i don't care... I hate not being with him...I hope he can stay over tomorow night.. i would love to share everything with him, stay awake allll night talking, and once again i can listen to his heart beat and fall asleep happy because hes with me....

but let msyelf fall apart as i let him go home in the morning as i get ready for abother day at work.

ohh for christ sakes... i hate me right now...

I hate how my emotions hit me like a ton of multch.