Yeas and Nays for Today
Nay:
A Texas judge threw out a lawsuit against Victoria Osteen, wife of Joel Osteen, pastor a mega-church and overall douchebag. According to reports, Osteen shoved a flight attendant against a wall and elbowed her over a stain on her first-class seat. Why? It's pretty simple. She loves Jesus. She'd never do anything like that. She's not a spoiled little rich girl but a Christian spoiled little rich girl. Once again, fundies get a free pass in litigation. I think the real question is: if all you do is shit a bunch of antediluvian nonsense on thousands each Sunday morning, should you really make enough money to fly your wife's skanky ass first class?
Yea:
To Tropic Thunder. The Special Olympics are calling for a boycott of this movie due to its frequent use of the word "retard." Well, of course retards can't understand satire and humor--they're retards. What the hell is wrong with calling a spade a spade? They're not intellectually challenged; they have the mental maturity of a sea sponge. I am encouraging everyone to see this movie, just to spite the Special Olympics. Why should we reward someone for being able to hobble twenty yards anyways? Then again, maybe I should dial back the anti-retard rhetoric. After all, retards are people too. They just don't know they're people.
Nay:
Russia is invading Georgia? What the fuck? Why aren't we more up in arms about this? A foreign country attacking one of the most venerable states in our blessed U. S. of A.? It's the home of the Braves, and Michael Vick, for crying out loud! I knew we made a mistake in trusting those damned vodka-swilling Ruskies after Glasnost. Oh, and I gotta know--Katy a.k.a. Bozartsgirl, are you OK? Have you been killed by a MIG bomber yet? Damn those Commies!
Yea:
To the U.S. Women's Softball team! I know, I have been notorious for my utter hatred of the Olympics, and that hasn't changed. I still hate the Olympics, and I hate softball. I'm sorry, that fast pitch shit just looks ridiculous. If you want to be a true talent, hit a goddamned baseball. But, still, yea, because of Jessica Mendoza:
When you have players that look like this, how can you not get that patriotic spirit? Go USA! Where's my American flag to wave? Can we put it in super-slo-mo when she runs the baseline so I can watch her cans jiggle like she were an extra on Baywatch? God bless the USA!
Wait a minute? USA? And her last name is Mendoza? Ah, I think we've hit upon why Mexico never wins any gold at the Olympics: because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the US.
And by saying U.S. Women's softball, does that imply there is a men's softball team? Guess they don't need jock straps, cause any man playing softball is a mega-pussy.
Yea:
For dry flaky skin. Apparently researchers have concluded that moisturizers have upped cancer rates in lab mice. Guess being all ashy ain't such a bad thing after all. Then again, we don't eat copious amounts of cheese, or drop pellets everywhere we go, or have little ugly pink tails. Jeez, next thing you know they're going to tell us that drinking out of aluminum cans gives you Alzheimer's or frequent cell phone use can cause cancer or Chinese heparin can cause major health complications. Idiot scientists!
Yea:
For beer in the afternoon. 'Nuff said.
Fight the power, my obsequious underlings!
A Texas judge threw out a lawsuit against Victoria Osteen, wife of Joel Osteen, pastor a mega-church and overall douchebag. According to reports, Osteen shoved a flight attendant against a wall and elbowed her over a stain on her first-class seat. Why? It's pretty simple. She loves Jesus. She'd never do anything like that. She's not a spoiled little rich girl but a Christian spoiled little rich girl. Once again, fundies get a free pass in litigation. I think the real question is: if all you do is shit a bunch of antediluvian nonsense on thousands each Sunday morning, should you really make enough money to fly your wife's skanky ass first class?
Yea:
To Tropic Thunder. The Special Olympics are calling for a boycott of this movie due to its frequent use of the word "retard." Well, of course retards can't understand satire and humor--they're retards. What the hell is wrong with calling a spade a spade? They're not intellectually challenged; they have the mental maturity of a sea sponge. I am encouraging everyone to see this movie, just to spite the Special Olympics. Why should we reward someone for being able to hobble twenty yards anyways? Then again, maybe I should dial back the anti-retard rhetoric. After all, retards are people too. They just don't know they're people.
Nay:
Russia is invading Georgia? What the fuck? Why aren't we more up in arms about this? A foreign country attacking one of the most venerable states in our blessed U. S. of A.? It's the home of the Braves, and Michael Vick, for crying out loud! I knew we made a mistake in trusting those damned vodka-swilling Ruskies after Glasnost. Oh, and I gotta know--Katy a.k.a. Bozartsgirl, are you OK? Have you been killed by a MIG bomber yet? Damn those Commies!
Yea:
To the U.S. Women's Softball team! I know, I have been notorious for my utter hatred of the Olympics, and that hasn't changed. I still hate the Olympics, and I hate softball. I'm sorry, that fast pitch shit just looks ridiculous. If you want to be a true talent, hit a goddamned baseball. But, still, yea, because of Jessica Mendoza:
When you have players that look like this, how can you not get that patriotic spirit? Go USA! Where's my American flag to wave? Can we put it in super-slo-mo when she runs the baseline so I can watch her cans jiggle like she were an extra on Baywatch? God bless the USA!
Wait a minute? USA? And her last name is Mendoza? Ah, I think we've hit upon why Mexico never wins any gold at the Olympics: because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the US.
And by saying U.S. Women's softball, does that imply there is a men's softball team? Guess they don't need jock straps, cause any man playing softball is a mega-pussy.
Yea:
For dry flaky skin. Apparently researchers have concluded that moisturizers have upped cancer rates in lab mice. Guess being all ashy ain't such a bad thing after all. Then again, we don't eat copious amounts of cheese, or drop pellets everywhere we go, or have little ugly pink tails. Jeez, next thing you know they're going to tell us that drinking out of aluminum cans gives you Alzheimer's or frequent cell phone use can cause cancer or Chinese heparin can cause major health complications. Idiot scientists!
Yea:
For beer in the afternoon. 'Nuff said.
Fight the power, my obsequious underlings!