auto bio?
I'll be the first to admit to it. I am a pussy. I am afraid of most things… hell, I'm afraid of pretty much anything and everything, spiders, relationships, ghosts, roller coasters, dying, loneliness; I run the gamut of pussyness. Everything about me screams 'lost wuss, beware!' I'm unkempt, I often wear novelty shirts, I only wear 2 pairs of jeans, and I look like a scared and lost homeless man. I suppose my self-esteem could use a boost or two, but I suppose I get that from how I was raised. Being afraid of everything, for 22 years can kind of have that effect on how you feel about yourself. I constantly feared something, my mother would make me watch Hard Copy with her and they'd showcase horrible serial killers, I watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was 11, in my bedroom, one time my door slammed shut and by the time I opened it my window was open and there was a dollar under my pillow (consequently I became fucking TERRIFIED of the tooth fairy), I was even afraid that if I wiped my ass with too much toilet paper that I would cause a huge flood in my house because it would overflow… I had no idea all these fears and idiocy would stick with me all this time. Without those fears I guess I wouldn't be who I am now. So I'm going to randomly go through all the fears, beliefs and random thoughts that shaped me into me.
Nowadays horror films do nothing for me. They just aren't scary. I suppose it's because I lived through all the crazy scary stuff when I was smaller. I used to hear voiced in my room just saying my name over and over again. I slept with the blanket over my head, cause if you can't see the monster, it can't see you. I learned that from my sister. I think she stopped sleeping like that when she was 11, however I still sleep like that… Nonetheless not too much scares me these days. I dare to be extremely awkward, I could care less if people know I had a big pants-pissing-problem, ghosts are the coolest things ever, girls don't scare me nearly as much as they used to (although I still can't talk to them, but I believe that's by choice), …spiders still scare the shit out of me though, oh well. I know that above I said I'm still a pussy but I guess I'm just less of a pussy than I was when I was a youngster, which I guess makes sense because you learn stuff while turning into a bitter cynical 20-something.
I'm afraid of dying. Honestly. Truthfully. I am afraid of death. Sometimes I think about what would happen if for whatever reason I was sent to Iraq to fight for this country. I would be fucking terrified. I'll give you an example here: I really strongly dislike my job. It frightens me very much. Each morning that I come into work I get a horrible migraine and stomachache, instantly. The stress of each new day at a BS office job makes me physically ill! Now can you picture me with a semi automatic, uniformed in a desert somewhere trying to hold off some crazy people that want me dead? I would fail miserably. I don't know why that scares me so much. But it does.
What else am I afraid of that I can make a paragraph out of? How about the ghosts? Though I'm not really afraid of them anymore, in fact I really want to be one of them ghosthunter paranormal investigator dudes. Anywho, for a long long time I was afraid of monsters, ghosts, all that stuff. So my mother is big into true crime novels and Stephen King novels, which in itself is kind of scary am I right? Anyway, there was a time in my life when I though my mom was in fact a monster and/or a ghost because she wasn't afraid of ANYTHING! I would try my hardest to scare her to no avail and that definitely kind of creeped me out. So put that ontop of her obsession with true crime and scary stories well, obviously that means she's a friggin ghost! So the day of truth presented itself one random day where I decided I would hide in her closet for like an hour and when the time presented itself I'd jump out and scare the bejesus out of her. Well in the end I did scare her which proved to me that she was a real human, which was good. But the whole thing was kind of awkward for a few reasons. Firstly, hiding in a dark closet by myself in my parents room, whom I think is a monster was pretty freaking scary! And secondly, I was hiding in my parents closet for multiple hours… that's weird isn't it? So my dear friend Lauren used to live in a haunted house apparently and she told some crazy ass stories about various factors of hauntedness that she had to deal with, and my friend Josh and Nick had an experience with a grey-cloaked ghost huddled in a corner of a room they were both in and those stories messed with me too. However it kind of makes me feel a little better about dying, although I'm still very scared of death, it's good to know that I can just float around and scare people instead of just rotting in the ground.
From a very young age and onward I used to think my whole life was a television show and that I was the center of attention. I used to think that whenever I was away nobody did anything, like everyone was an animatronic robot. In fact I literally pictured a scenario where it was very much like the hall of presidents at Disney Land and that when I showed up everybody did their little monologue and then rolled back to 'idle robotness' just quietly standing back in their corner. So the cool thing is, when I would take a shower and stuff at the beginning of each day I'd dry myself off and wipe the fog from the mirror and look into it and sing a random theme song and welcome the 'audience' to the Jordan show, and I seriously legitimately thought that there was a show being watched. Anywho, years went by and the movie The Truman Show came out and it freaked me out. Because that is how I thought my life was. I still kind of hope it is. And I still definitely think about it every now and then. I think about all the awesome storylines and my season finale cliffhangers, special guest stars, all that stuff. How badass would it be if your life was a TV show?!
I used to have an issue with grudges. I still kind of do, but I've gotten better about it. I think the biggest issue I had was that I felt as though my friends took me for granted. Like I would go out of my way to cheer them up and help them through their issues, however when I had problems they'd leave me hanging. That would really piss me off. I like to think of myself as a pretty selfless dude when it comes to my friends, and when I need to be serious I am a serious guy and I listen to their problems and help them out. One thing that pretty much ruined my life was when I had a strong interest in this girl and I was very excited about the situation of me possibly having that elusive first girlfriend! So I introduced her to my friends and they all agreed she was a pretty cool chick, and one of my friends was all like 'Wow dude! You guys are great for eachother I'm so proud of you guys, awesome!' And that made me feel pretty cool, and although me and her were not an official couple or anything like that, I still felt pretty good like we'd possibly be going somewhere. So anywho, this is the summertime and I go down to southern California to visit my cousins for a few weeks and have a nice little vacation, and I come back to hear some dissatisfying news. The friend who was proud of me and told me that we were great for eachother had in fact gone on several dates with the girl I fancied, while I was away, and they infact had sex. This whole thing messed with me big time. My whole summer was ruined, my self-esteem was gone, and my lack of being depressed was no longer there. I was done. Tons of horrible, generic depressed poetry and me ONLY leaving my house to go work at a horrible pizza place, was what my summer consisted of. I strongly hated both he and her for multiple years. But I got over it. I overreacted big time, and was an uber drama queen, which I tend to be in general.
What's up with psychics and astrologists? My mom had some readings from both of them a while back and they were both frighteningly accurate. One of them foresaw a pigeon knocking on our door and leading to a flood. Another foresaw my future in being humorous and an actor, ten years before any of that came to be. About 4 years ago my mother chatted with another and asked about how I'd fair with the females and he said that they love me, but only as a friend and that I will have a big problem getting to that next level. How lame is that to hear? This future foreseer bashing my hopes and dreams though I haven't let it get to me much, in fact I hadn't thought about it until right now. And shortly after that, I had my first girlfriend, so choke on that, psychic man!
Why not talk about some interesting failed relationships with the ladies. That'd make for entertainment I think! My first love dated back to elementary school, Allison Farmer. I don't know what it was but we flirted all the time. She liked me, I liked her, she smelled good, I… was prepubescent. It was a good match. I remember she had a party, I think for like 6th grade graduation and I went to it and was exceedingly nervous. I remember slow dancing to Bone Thug n Harmony, and running around to Bicycle by Queen. But the main thing I remember is not having the guts to ask Allison out. Even though we both wanted it, or at least to hang out, I hadn't the courage. We went our separate ways. And that was the end of that. Who was after that? Nikki. I couldn't even get the courage to talk to her, so that led to nothing.
How about Mimi? That was a weird situation, that I'm not sure anybody knows about, not even my best friends. This girl, Mimi, for a short period of time was at EVERY concert I'd gone to, and it was one of the rare times that I ever had the gut to talk to an attractive girl I didn't know. Some weird drunk guy was like kind of hitting on her in line for an Our Lady Peace concert and I kind of interjected and steered the guy away somehow. We got to chatting and exchanged phone numbers and information, and we chatted a whole lot! At that time I was working at Nordstroms in downtown Seattle, and she lived downtown. So we set up an awesome date. We would hit the Bite of Seattle and then go to EMP and it would be fantastic. So a couple things I had learned after setting up this date was that she had just recently broken up with her longtime boyfriend, and by longtime I mean multiple years. The other is that her friends were still desperately trying to get them back together. So we went to the Bite and had some fabulous Thai food, then we walked somewhere else and got some gelato with a friend of hers who actually talked about her ex boyfriend the whole time which made me feel mildy uncomfortable, but it was okay because Mimi had shown a ton of interest in me. We were holding hands and everything, I felt amazing! Her friend left and it was back to Mimi and Jordan. We went to the Experience Music Project, which if you don't know what it is; it's a music museum and the coolest place ever! We were in this little reggae hut and she danced for me and I danced for her it was cute-filled good times. But the best part was cuddling on a picnic table underneath the space needle. It was awesome! Her ride showed up to take her away and I didn't want her to leave, but she left. That was the first and last date we'd ever go on together. She hooked back up with her boyfriend the day after. I would see them, together, at a few more concerts. He was big, tall and scary. I felt like shit.
I haven't even talked about my girlfriend I had, Kate. She's a fantastic person. Always has been one of my favorite people. I went to school with her for a long time. I started becoming interested in her when she started dating a guy I had respect for. However I shouldn't have had any respect for him because he ended up cheating on her, which really upset me. Kate is fantastic in so many ways. She's creative, sweet, cute, shy, and smart. I was a horrible boyfriend. I think I took her for granted. I think I thought I'd always have her around. We dated when I was 19 years old, and our relationship mainly consisted of going to the movies and making out. Before we started dating she said she wanted it to just be a couple months because she didn't want to have a relationship when she went to college. Being me, I said that was all good and I'd have no issue with it. However I did have a big problem with it. When we broke up I cried, even though I knew it was coming. My friend Russell came over to console me. Which was pretty awkward in itself, cause we went into my new hot tub. And there I was crying, in a hot tub with my friend just sitting there listening to me make an ass of myself. I missed Kate. I still miss Kate. I think our relationship is awkward nowadays after that relationship. And I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of upset that she's become such good friends with her ex boyfriend, the one who cheated on her. She came to my birthday party in March. That was an awesome surprise, and she said she'd call me some time soon after and we'd hang out. She never did.
When I was in Junior High School I had this phase where I liked to wear eccentrically shiny shirts. The reason behind this was that I was a big time professional wrestling fan. My favorite wrestler was the cocky self-obsessed Chris Jericho. His whole shtick was that he was insanely charismatic, cocky, arrogant, and he whore amazing shiny shirts. Thirteen-year-old Jordan had a new hero. I wore these shirts all the time. I looked very awkward. I think at this time my family started piecing together a non-existent puzzle. Jordan has terrible luck with ladies… does he even try? Wait a second he wears shiny shirts? Oh my god! Jordan is gay! That was fun to think about as a tweenager. Eventually I got over Chris Jericho, and got over shiny shirts.
I don't know what I'm going to do in life. I'm 22 years old and I live at my parent's house and I just got a transfer degree from a community college. That's not even an AA. It just means I can transfer somewhere else. I have no clue where I want to transfer; I have no idea what I want to do. I wanna be in radio, I want to be a writer; I want to be a rock star, but I'll probably be stuck at a horrible office job not doing anything I want to do. Do you ever wish that money wasn't an issue, ever? I do. Money is horrible. Everything cost so much money. Especially education. What am I going to do? What am I going to be? Hopefully somebody worthwhile.
Humiliating, failure, life changing… You have to go through humiliation and failure to become who you are. I'm not afraid to admit to any of the above. Why should I be? I don't care if Allison Farmer knows that I feel responsible for her descent into drug abuse and whatever else she's gone through because I didn't make a move in 6th grade that would have stopped her from hooking up with drug dealers. I don't mind if people know that I don't know how to ride a bike, or the fact that I used to have a horrible issue with peeing my pants when I laughed too hard. I could care less if people know about my shit luck with the opposite sex. I know that everybody goes through this stuff, and I know that I'm no different from you. We've all been through a lot of shit, and for whatever reason we think about it too much. We really shouldn't even let this stuff bother us, it happened so long ago. But what can you do? These are the foundations that make us who we are. All our failures, fears and crazy ass thoughts are the reasons that we are who we are. We can't look forward without looking back. We always need to remember how we got here, before we move on.
Nowadays horror films do nothing for me. They just aren't scary. I suppose it's because I lived through all the crazy scary stuff when I was smaller. I used to hear voiced in my room just saying my name over and over again. I slept with the blanket over my head, cause if you can't see the monster, it can't see you. I learned that from my sister. I think she stopped sleeping like that when she was 11, however I still sleep like that… Nonetheless not too much scares me these days. I dare to be extremely awkward, I could care less if people know I had a big pants-pissing-problem, ghosts are the coolest things ever, girls don't scare me nearly as much as they used to (although I still can't talk to them, but I believe that's by choice), …spiders still scare the shit out of me though, oh well. I know that above I said I'm still a pussy but I guess I'm just less of a pussy than I was when I was a youngster, which I guess makes sense because you learn stuff while turning into a bitter cynical 20-something.
I'm afraid of dying. Honestly. Truthfully. I am afraid of death. Sometimes I think about what would happen if for whatever reason I was sent to Iraq to fight for this country. I would be fucking terrified. I'll give you an example here: I really strongly dislike my job. It frightens me very much. Each morning that I come into work I get a horrible migraine and stomachache, instantly. The stress of each new day at a BS office job makes me physically ill! Now can you picture me with a semi automatic, uniformed in a desert somewhere trying to hold off some crazy people that want me dead? I would fail miserably. I don't know why that scares me so much. But it does.
What else am I afraid of that I can make a paragraph out of? How about the ghosts? Though I'm not really afraid of them anymore, in fact I really want to be one of them ghosthunter paranormal investigator dudes. Anywho, for a long long time I was afraid of monsters, ghosts, all that stuff. So my mother is big into true crime novels and Stephen King novels, which in itself is kind of scary am I right? Anyway, there was a time in my life when I though my mom was in fact a monster and/or a ghost because she wasn't afraid of ANYTHING! I would try my hardest to scare her to no avail and that definitely kind of creeped me out. So put that ontop of her obsession with true crime and scary stories well, obviously that means she's a friggin ghost! So the day of truth presented itself one random day where I decided I would hide in her closet for like an hour and when the time presented itself I'd jump out and scare the bejesus out of her. Well in the end I did scare her which proved to me that she was a real human, which was good. But the whole thing was kind of awkward for a few reasons. Firstly, hiding in a dark closet by myself in my parents room, whom I think is a monster was pretty freaking scary! And secondly, I was hiding in my parents closet for multiple hours… that's weird isn't it? So my dear friend Lauren used to live in a haunted house apparently and she told some crazy ass stories about various factors of hauntedness that she had to deal with, and my friend Josh and Nick had an experience with a grey-cloaked ghost huddled in a corner of a room they were both in and those stories messed with me too. However it kind of makes me feel a little better about dying, although I'm still very scared of death, it's good to know that I can just float around and scare people instead of just rotting in the ground.
From a very young age and onward I used to think my whole life was a television show and that I was the center of attention. I used to think that whenever I was away nobody did anything, like everyone was an animatronic robot. In fact I literally pictured a scenario where it was very much like the hall of presidents at Disney Land and that when I showed up everybody did their little monologue and then rolled back to 'idle robotness' just quietly standing back in their corner. So the cool thing is, when I would take a shower and stuff at the beginning of each day I'd dry myself off and wipe the fog from the mirror and look into it and sing a random theme song and welcome the 'audience' to the Jordan show, and I seriously legitimately thought that there was a show being watched. Anywho, years went by and the movie The Truman Show came out and it freaked me out. Because that is how I thought my life was. I still kind of hope it is. And I still definitely think about it every now and then. I think about all the awesome storylines and my season finale cliffhangers, special guest stars, all that stuff. How badass would it be if your life was a TV show?!
I used to have an issue with grudges. I still kind of do, but I've gotten better about it. I think the biggest issue I had was that I felt as though my friends took me for granted. Like I would go out of my way to cheer them up and help them through their issues, however when I had problems they'd leave me hanging. That would really piss me off. I like to think of myself as a pretty selfless dude when it comes to my friends, and when I need to be serious I am a serious guy and I listen to their problems and help them out. One thing that pretty much ruined my life was when I had a strong interest in this girl and I was very excited about the situation of me possibly having that elusive first girlfriend! So I introduced her to my friends and they all agreed she was a pretty cool chick, and one of my friends was all like 'Wow dude! You guys are great for eachother I'm so proud of you guys, awesome!' And that made me feel pretty cool, and although me and her were not an official couple or anything like that, I still felt pretty good like we'd possibly be going somewhere. So anywho, this is the summertime and I go down to southern California to visit my cousins for a few weeks and have a nice little vacation, and I come back to hear some dissatisfying news. The friend who was proud of me and told me that we were great for eachother had in fact gone on several dates with the girl I fancied, while I was away, and they infact had sex. This whole thing messed with me big time. My whole summer was ruined, my self-esteem was gone, and my lack of being depressed was no longer there. I was done. Tons of horrible, generic depressed poetry and me ONLY leaving my house to go work at a horrible pizza place, was what my summer consisted of. I strongly hated both he and her for multiple years. But I got over it. I overreacted big time, and was an uber drama queen, which I tend to be in general.
What's up with psychics and astrologists? My mom had some readings from both of them a while back and they were both frighteningly accurate. One of them foresaw a pigeon knocking on our door and leading to a flood. Another foresaw my future in being humorous and an actor, ten years before any of that came to be. About 4 years ago my mother chatted with another and asked about how I'd fair with the females and he said that they love me, but only as a friend and that I will have a big problem getting to that next level. How lame is that to hear? This future foreseer bashing my hopes and dreams though I haven't let it get to me much, in fact I hadn't thought about it until right now. And shortly after that, I had my first girlfriend, so choke on that, psychic man!
Why not talk about some interesting failed relationships with the ladies. That'd make for entertainment I think! My first love dated back to elementary school, Allison Farmer. I don't know what it was but we flirted all the time. She liked me, I liked her, she smelled good, I… was prepubescent. It was a good match. I remember she had a party, I think for like 6th grade graduation and I went to it and was exceedingly nervous. I remember slow dancing to Bone Thug n Harmony, and running around to Bicycle by Queen. But the main thing I remember is not having the guts to ask Allison out. Even though we both wanted it, or at least to hang out, I hadn't the courage. We went our separate ways. And that was the end of that. Who was after that? Nikki. I couldn't even get the courage to talk to her, so that led to nothing.
How about Mimi? That was a weird situation, that I'm not sure anybody knows about, not even my best friends. This girl, Mimi, for a short period of time was at EVERY concert I'd gone to, and it was one of the rare times that I ever had the gut to talk to an attractive girl I didn't know. Some weird drunk guy was like kind of hitting on her in line for an Our Lady Peace concert and I kind of interjected and steered the guy away somehow. We got to chatting and exchanged phone numbers and information, and we chatted a whole lot! At that time I was working at Nordstroms in downtown Seattle, and she lived downtown. So we set up an awesome date. We would hit the Bite of Seattle and then go to EMP and it would be fantastic. So a couple things I had learned after setting up this date was that she had just recently broken up with her longtime boyfriend, and by longtime I mean multiple years. The other is that her friends were still desperately trying to get them back together. So we went to the Bite and had some fabulous Thai food, then we walked somewhere else and got some gelato with a friend of hers who actually talked about her ex boyfriend the whole time which made me feel mildy uncomfortable, but it was okay because Mimi had shown a ton of interest in me. We were holding hands and everything, I felt amazing! Her friend left and it was back to Mimi and Jordan. We went to the Experience Music Project, which if you don't know what it is; it's a music museum and the coolest place ever! We were in this little reggae hut and she danced for me and I danced for her it was cute-filled good times. But the best part was cuddling on a picnic table underneath the space needle. It was awesome! Her ride showed up to take her away and I didn't want her to leave, but she left. That was the first and last date we'd ever go on together. She hooked back up with her boyfriend the day after. I would see them, together, at a few more concerts. He was big, tall and scary. I felt like shit.
I haven't even talked about my girlfriend I had, Kate. She's a fantastic person. Always has been one of my favorite people. I went to school with her for a long time. I started becoming interested in her when she started dating a guy I had respect for. However I shouldn't have had any respect for him because he ended up cheating on her, which really upset me. Kate is fantastic in so many ways. She's creative, sweet, cute, shy, and smart. I was a horrible boyfriend. I think I took her for granted. I think I thought I'd always have her around. We dated when I was 19 years old, and our relationship mainly consisted of going to the movies and making out. Before we started dating she said she wanted it to just be a couple months because she didn't want to have a relationship when she went to college. Being me, I said that was all good and I'd have no issue with it. However I did have a big problem with it. When we broke up I cried, even though I knew it was coming. My friend Russell came over to console me. Which was pretty awkward in itself, cause we went into my new hot tub. And there I was crying, in a hot tub with my friend just sitting there listening to me make an ass of myself. I missed Kate. I still miss Kate. I think our relationship is awkward nowadays after that relationship. And I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of upset that she's become such good friends with her ex boyfriend, the one who cheated on her. She came to my birthday party in March. That was an awesome surprise, and she said she'd call me some time soon after and we'd hang out. She never did.
When I was in Junior High School I had this phase where I liked to wear eccentrically shiny shirts. The reason behind this was that I was a big time professional wrestling fan. My favorite wrestler was the cocky self-obsessed Chris Jericho. His whole shtick was that he was insanely charismatic, cocky, arrogant, and he whore amazing shiny shirts. Thirteen-year-old Jordan had a new hero. I wore these shirts all the time. I looked very awkward. I think at this time my family started piecing together a non-existent puzzle. Jordan has terrible luck with ladies… does he even try? Wait a second he wears shiny shirts? Oh my god! Jordan is gay! That was fun to think about as a tweenager. Eventually I got over Chris Jericho, and got over shiny shirts.
I don't know what I'm going to do in life. I'm 22 years old and I live at my parent's house and I just got a transfer degree from a community college. That's not even an AA. It just means I can transfer somewhere else. I have no clue where I want to transfer; I have no idea what I want to do. I wanna be in radio, I want to be a writer; I want to be a rock star, but I'll probably be stuck at a horrible office job not doing anything I want to do. Do you ever wish that money wasn't an issue, ever? I do. Money is horrible. Everything cost so much money. Especially education. What am I going to do? What am I going to be? Hopefully somebody worthwhile.
Humiliating, failure, life changing… You have to go through humiliation and failure to become who you are. I'm not afraid to admit to any of the above. Why should I be? I don't care if Allison Farmer knows that I feel responsible for her descent into drug abuse and whatever else she's gone through because I didn't make a move in 6th grade that would have stopped her from hooking up with drug dealers. I don't mind if people know that I don't know how to ride a bike, or the fact that I used to have a horrible issue with peeing my pants when I laughed too hard. I could care less if people know about my shit luck with the opposite sex. I know that everybody goes through this stuff, and I know that I'm no different from you. We've all been through a lot of shit, and for whatever reason we think about it too much. We really shouldn't even let this stuff bother us, it happened so long ago. But what can you do? These are the foundations that make us who we are. All our failures, fears and crazy ass thoughts are the reasons that we are who we are. We can't look forward without looking back. We always need to remember how we got here, before we move on.