Jokes
Okay these are some jokes Men probably won't wanna read unless they got a real good sense of humour lol.
Some naughty words.
These are for the women on my flist.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask directions.
Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.
Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted
Q: Why do you always show up late for a date?
A: Define late? If she is still there when I get there, its obviously not "too" late.
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals".
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
Some naughty words.
These are for the women on my flist.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask directions.
Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.
Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted
Q: Why do you always show up late for a date?
A: Define late? If she is still there when I get there, its obviously not "too" late.
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals".
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.