Thought for RH and the Yamim Noraim
Surround yourself with moral exemplars -- it will encourage you to try to improve your own behavior.
I started thinking about this based on a series of events that happened over the past few weeks.
Two weeks ago, I had an interaction with a certain person, Ploni.* I thought he seemed slightly odd, but not exceedingly so. I mentioned to my father that I dealt with him, and my father asked, "Did he give you a hard time?" When I told my father that no, he hadn't, my father expressed relief, saying the Ploni could be quite a difficult to deal with at times. And that was the end of that conversation.
I was curious about Ploni, since, as I mentioned, some of the things he said seemed strange. But talking with my father inspired me to leave it be and respect Ploni's privacy.
Why did my father inspire me thus? My father runs a tzedaka (charity) fund in our area, a grassroots organization he started on his own about 20 years ago. It provides monthly assistance, either in with rent or utilities or with coupons good at local kosher grocery stores. He also provides small interest-free loans (his fund is the only institutional gemach in the area that we know about). There is no overhead for the fund, meaning 100% of donations go directly to aiding the poor. This is because my father does nearly everything for the fund and takes no salary for it. He has help from volunteers, and his brother donates all of the paper goods necessary for mailings and coupons and such. He is widely regarded as one of the genuinely good people running around this world of ours. When asked about my father, many of his acquaintances will answer, "He is a tzadik (a very righteous person)." My mom sometimes calls him a lamed vav-nik.** My father is also extremely sensitive to the non-financial needs of the people whom he helps, many of whom are in emotional straights due to needing financial aid, some of whom do not have a job because they are exceedingly difficult characters. He also maintains their privacy in the utmost.
Inspired by my father's example, I decided to leave Ploni's personal story alone. Then, this past Tuesday, I was part of a conversation where Ploni came up, and I did happen to learn more about his situation and why he seemed so odd (seems my dad was understating when he called him difficult). And I was upset that people were spreading this story around. Now, those of you who know me well know that there are many things that concern me, but lashon hara, or spreading of tales (even true ones), is not even one of my pet peeves, much less a major moral concern. But this upset me. And I could not understand why. Why would lashon hara disturb me in this particular case, but not in others?
The conclusion I reached was that it bothered me because I had made a conscious decision not to engage in it, and found myself doing so anyway. I was annoyed because my decision was overturned without my consent. I was also angry with myself for not immediately speaking up and demanding that the tale-telling end. So it was mostly about me. But then I realized that this would not have even been an issue for me had I not had this conversation specifically with my father. And that is when I thought that I should maximize my contact with good people, to inspire me to try to do better myself.
I think the whole incident was worth it, if only to learn this lesson. And should I run into Ploni again, which is unlikely, I shall continue to treat him with respect and kindness.
Shana tova everyone.
*Note: Ploni is the traditional Jewish placeholder name, like John Doe in America.
**Lamed vav means 36, and it generally refers to the legend that G-d refrains from destroying the world based on the presence of 36 truly righteous people in the world whose deeds balance the wickedness performed by everyone else.
I started thinking about this based on a series of events that happened over the past few weeks.
Two weeks ago, I had an interaction with a certain person, Ploni.* I thought he seemed slightly odd, but not exceedingly so. I mentioned to my father that I dealt with him, and my father asked, "Did he give you a hard time?" When I told my father that no, he hadn't, my father expressed relief, saying the Ploni could be quite a difficult to deal with at times. And that was the end of that conversation.
I was curious about Ploni, since, as I mentioned, some of the things he said seemed strange. But talking with my father inspired me to leave it be and respect Ploni's privacy.
Why did my father inspire me thus? My father runs a tzedaka (charity) fund in our area, a grassroots organization he started on his own about 20 years ago. It provides monthly assistance, either in with rent or utilities or with coupons good at local kosher grocery stores. He also provides small interest-free loans (his fund is the only institutional gemach in the area that we know about). There is no overhead for the fund, meaning 100% of donations go directly to aiding the poor. This is because my father does nearly everything for the fund and takes no salary for it. He has help from volunteers, and his brother donates all of the paper goods necessary for mailings and coupons and such. He is widely regarded as one of the genuinely good people running around this world of ours. When asked about my father, many of his acquaintances will answer, "He is a tzadik (a very righteous person)." My mom sometimes calls him a lamed vav-nik.** My father is also extremely sensitive to the non-financial needs of the people whom he helps, many of whom are in emotional straights due to needing financial aid, some of whom do not have a job because they are exceedingly difficult characters. He also maintains their privacy in the utmost.
Inspired by my father's example, I decided to leave Ploni's personal story alone. Then, this past Tuesday, I was part of a conversation where Ploni came up, and I did happen to learn more about his situation and why he seemed so odd (seems my dad was understating when he called him difficult). And I was upset that people were spreading this story around. Now, those of you who know me well know that there are many things that concern me, but lashon hara, or spreading of tales (even true ones), is not even one of my pet peeves, much less a major moral concern. But this upset me. And I could not understand why. Why would lashon hara disturb me in this particular case, but not in others?
The conclusion I reached was that it bothered me because I had made a conscious decision not to engage in it, and found myself doing so anyway. I was annoyed because my decision was overturned without my consent. I was also angry with myself for not immediately speaking up and demanding that the tale-telling end. So it was mostly about me. But then I realized that this would not have even been an issue for me had I not had this conversation specifically with my father. And that is when I thought that I should maximize my contact with good people, to inspire me to try to do better myself.
I think the whole incident was worth it, if only to learn this lesson. And should I run into Ploni again, which is unlikely, I shall continue to treat him with respect and kindness.
Shana tova everyone.
*Note: Ploni is the traditional Jewish placeholder name, like John Doe in America.
**Lamed vav means 36, and it generally refers to the legend that G-d refrains from destroying the world based on the presence of 36 truly righteous people in the world whose deeds balance the wickedness performed by everyone else.