Recovery is a slow process.
I'm finally back on my feet again. Literally. And it was amazing how quickly I went from bedridden to having energy and wanting to just go and go. I guess that is how antibiotics often work...the infection has you down, and then just suddently, *wham*, you're on the better side of the recovery.
I have not heard from my doctor yet, but she is pretty optimistic that the biopsy should come back clear this time. And if it does, it means I won't have to do anything else, and can put this behind me.
But being on quite literally out of the flow for a week really gives someone time to pause and just think. And in my own fevered way, I did a lot of that over this last weekend. At one point while laying in bed I had a rather zen moment of understanding in regards to expectations and relationships...I felt like I had actually reached a point where I literally had none. I don't mean this in a negative way in that I didn't care...it was just that I realized that when we have these preconceived fantasies of what someone or something should be, even an imaginary someone or someting, it also opens us up to an equal depression or negative. And too often the two go hand in hand. To walk the balance, I have to tear down these filters and see the world through...well...itself.
Last night I had some rather odd dreams. Only way to describe them is 'world ending'. But it wasn't in a bad way...more of a re-birth type destruction. I'm going to attribute it to watching an older Miyazaki movie last night (Castle in the Sky). But it has lingered with me, and given me a sense of perspective this morning that could best be described as...reflectively sad. Not about the past, or the future. Just for now.
So when I woke up this morning, I put on a CD from a local Boulder singer. Her name is Wendy Woo...and she used to play the coffee houses and local bars in and around Boulder. She was one of my favorites, and I've probably seen her perform 20+ times. But the CD was a compilation of her music with her dad's poetry (he is a poetry teacher at Naropa), and while it was written in dedication of Wendy's mom who had recently died of cancer, and it has a very melancholy feel to it...there is still a lot of beauty and whmsy in it.
Enough said.
I have not heard from my doctor yet, but she is pretty optimistic that the biopsy should come back clear this time. And if it does, it means I won't have to do anything else, and can put this behind me.
But being on quite literally out of the flow for a week really gives someone time to pause and just think. And in my own fevered way, I did a lot of that over this last weekend. At one point while laying in bed I had a rather zen moment of understanding in regards to expectations and relationships...I felt like I had actually reached a point where I literally had none. I don't mean this in a negative way in that I didn't care...it was just that I realized that when we have these preconceived fantasies of what someone or something should be, even an imaginary someone or someting, it also opens us up to an equal depression or negative. And too often the two go hand in hand. To walk the balance, I have to tear down these filters and see the world through...well...itself.
Last night I had some rather odd dreams. Only way to describe them is 'world ending'. But it wasn't in a bad way...more of a re-birth type destruction. I'm going to attribute it to watching an older Miyazaki movie last night (Castle in the Sky). But it has lingered with me, and given me a sense of perspective this morning that could best be described as...reflectively sad. Not about the past, or the future. Just for now.
So when I woke up this morning, I put on a CD from a local Boulder singer. Her name is Wendy Woo...and she used to play the coffee houses and local bars in and around Boulder. She was one of my favorites, and I've probably seen her perform 20+ times. But the CD was a compilation of her music with her dad's poetry (he is a poetry teacher at Naropa), and while it was written in dedication of Wendy's mom who had recently died of cancer, and it has a very melancholy feel to it...there is still a lot of beauty and whmsy in it.
Enough said.