Fic: Waiting on a Friend
Written for intoabar
Title: Waiting on a Friend
Author: Cyloran
Challenge: Iolaus walks to a bar and meets Sarah Jane Smith
Fandoms: Hercules the Legendary Journeys and Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,924
Rating/Warning: G/No warning needed
Disclaimer: Neither Hercules the Legendary Journeys or Doctor Who belong to me. Just passing through.
As far as Iolaus was concerned, if you’d seen one backwater tavern, you’d seen ‘em all. Hymera’s contribution to the list of forgettable hostelries was a two story shack of wood and mud brick on the outskirts of a tiny farming village.
Standing in the narrow doorway, Iolaus paused to survey the common room beyond. Although the late afternoon sun was bright in a cloudless sky, the tavern was as gloomy as the dock on the river Styx. Windows were shuttered tight and lanterns of olive oil and pig grease diffused the darkness with a sickly yellow glow. Stained, filthy swatches of straw covered the dirt floor in uneven patches like grimy stepping stones to the counter against the far wall. The room was furnished with crude trestle tables and benches in varying sizes, all positioned randomly around a small, cold fireplace.
All conversation stopped when Iolaus walked into the tavern. The locals - men dressed in the rough homespun of rural farmers - stared at him openly as he crossed the room toward the bar. Iolaus, however, was far more interested in the more unusual aspects of the room. Three men wearing leather armor and wearing short swords sat at a table in a corner where they could watch the entire room while keeping their backs to the wall. Or perhaps they were watching the attractive woman who sat at the smallest table in the very center of the room.
“’Afternoon, stranger,” said the tavern keeper from his place behind the bar. “Need a room for the night?”
“No thanks. I’m just waiting on a friend,” Iolaus replied. “I could use a drink, though.”
“What’ll ya have?”
“What’ve you got?”
“Ale. Make it m’self. Won’t find better in Hymera.”
“Is that what the lady’s drinking?”
The owner glanced over Iolaus’ shoulder at the woman and frowned. Clearly, he wasn’t used to having the fairer sex as a patron. “Water,” he said with disgust.
Smart girl, thought Iolaus.
“Ale for me and another water for the lady,” he said, laying a copper coin on the scarred wooden counter.
“Good luck with that,” snorted the owner as he plunked down two pottery mugs. “Other’s’ve tried. She ain’t very friendly.” He sent another frown in the woman’s direction. The lady in question was apparently too busy staring at the tavern doorway to notice any hostility.
“Maybe the others haven’t used the right approach,” said Iolaus as he took possession of the drinks. “What’s her story?”
“Waitin’ on a friend, she says. Like you.” He turned his scowl to Iolaus. “Mebbe you’re waiting on the same one.”
“Maybe,” replied Iolaus, loud enough for the benefit of those occupants intent on listening into their conversation. He doubted that anyone else knew that Hercules would be passing through Hymera but it couldn’t hurt to give these folks the impression that their female visitor wasn’t entirely alone among wolves.
Armed with a mug in either hand, Iolaus headed toward the woman’s table. She was so absorbed in watching the doorway that she actually jumped a bit in her seat when he walked into her line of sight.
“Hello,” he said, offering her his most charming smile. “Is this bench tak-“
“Step away from the Mistress!” ordered a sharp, disembodied voice.
Surprised, Iolaus looked first left, then right, then - seeing no one standing immediately around him - glanced down. A little silver dog-shaped statue rolled toward him from its place beneath the table.
“Step away from the Mistress,” it ordered again.
Muffled cursing and a few pointed gestures to ward off the Evil Eye were flung by several of the locals as they fled the establishment in the wake of this startling display of magic.
“No, wait!” the woman called after them, clearly chagrined. “He won’t hurt you! He-“
Two more patrons made a hasty exit before she could finish. The little metal dog, however, was only interested in Iolaus and his close proximity to his Mistress.
“State your intentions!” it demanded.
Taking care not to spill the drinks, Iolaus raised his hands to show that he was unarmed. “Honorable intentions.” He smiled once more at the woman. “Just looking for a little conversation to pass the time. No pressure. If you’d rather not, I’ll leave you and your champion alone.”
“Activating scan,” advised the dog before his Mistress could reply. Its oddly-shaped ears, like miniature ship’s sails, rotated back and forth a few times as it spoke, generating a strange whirring noise.
“Please forgive K-9,” said the woman with a tentative smile of apology. “He gets a bit overprotective in strange time- um, places.”
“No immediate threat detected,” K-9 concluded, almost grudgingly. “I advise caution, Mistress.”
“That’s great advice,” Iolaus agreed as he slowly lowered his arms. “You can’t be too careful with strangers.” He set the mugs down on the table and, once free, extended a hand to her. “My name’s Iolaus.”
“Sarah Jane Smith,” she replied, accepting his hand under her guardian’s watchful gaze.
“There. See? Not a stranger any more,” concluded Iolaus. “Now, where was I? Oh, right.” He grinned. “Is this bench taken?”
Sarah Jane’s laugh was warm and bright. “It is now. Please, sit down.”
There was something about his name, something familiar just on the edge of memory, but she couldn’t quite grasp it. Unfortunately, Greek history and mythology weren’t her strongest subjects. Egyptian mythology, on the other hand, was something she excelled at, especially after that unhappy encounter with Sutek.
Ears still whirring, K-9 slid back into the shadows under the table as Iolaus took his seat.
“You don’t seem very surprised by K-9,” Sarah Jane observed. “Everyone else here is afraid of him.”
“Afraid of him? Nahhhh. Actually, he’s kind of cute.”
There was tone of indignation from under the table.
“I mean ‘cute’ in a dangerous, guard dog, Cerberus-with-one-head kind of way,” Iolaus was quick to add.
“Affirmative,” came the mollified reply.
“Believe me, I’ve seen some pretty dangerous things come in small metal packages,” Iolaus continued. “Is he one of Atlantea’s toys?”
“Atlantea?”
“The smith. No? Must be one of Hephaestus’ then,” he mused. “He’s always trying to make metal weapons and soldiers in unusual shapes and sizes. It helps him pass the time when ‘Dite is away from home.” Which was a lot, lately. For some reason, the Goddess of Love was especially busy in the Spring. “So! What brings you to Hymera?” He glanced down at the swill inside his mug then over at the muddy brown liquid in Sarah Jane's. “I’ll go out on a limb here and say it’s probably not for the ale.”
“No, it’s not,” she admitted as she gently pushed her mug away. “Actually, maybe you can help me! My friend and I -“
“K-9?”
“Oh, no! I mean, my other friend.”
“The one you’re waiting for?”
“That’s right. Do you know him?”
“Is his name Hercules?”
“Hercules? No, of course not.”
“Oh. Well then. Nope, sorry. I probably don’t know him. Anyway, so you and K-9 and this friend of yours…?” he encouraged.
“We’ve heard some stories about the area. Strange stories. Frankly, very disturbing stories. About strange lights in the sky-“
“-and disappearing livestock, only now there are farmers disappearing too, and talk about some kind of giant, gold-colored squid-thing slithering across the countryside. Those stories?”
“You’ve heard them too!”
“Sure. Everyone this side of the Hellispont has. That’s why I’m here waiting for my friend,” said Iolaus. “We’re going to check it out and see if there really is a monster that needs bashing. That’s what we do. Rescue villages, stop warlords, save damsels in distress--” A slight movement in the far corner brought his gaze from Sarah Jane’s lovely features to the leather-armored mercenaries. “Speaking of which … Hi ya, fellas. Anything we can do for you?”
Sarah Jane turned slightly in her seat and gasped. The three very ugly, brutish looking men were now striding their way.
“If there’s anyone going to be catching a golden squid monster, it’s gonna be us,” said the tallest of the three. To emphasize his point, he slapped the flat of his short sword’s blade in the palm of his hand. “Not some little runt - SLAP! - or some pretty witch - SLAP! - and her magic dog - SLAP! - is gonna stop us.”
“Yeah,” grunted the mercenary to his right. “Ajax don’t like compe-compe-“
“Competition, dummy,” said the third.
“Right. What Jorrin said.”
Ajax narrowed his dark, piggy eyes as his gaze skated over Sarah Jane, lingering on her chest. “Or maybe we could take the witch with. She might be useful.”
“Yeah! As bait!” guffawed Jorrin.
“You don’t mind, do you, Shorty?” said Ajax as he reached out to lay a meaty paw on Sarah Jane’s shoulder.
K-9 slid forward and barked, “You will release the Mistress!”
“Who’s gonna make me, shrimp?” laughed Ajax.
“Me!” replied Sarah Jane and Iolaus in unison.
As Iolaus jumped up, knocking the bench backward, Sarah Jane wrapped her fingers around her mug of water and slammed her reinforced fist into Ajax’s crotch. The big, burly, fierce looking warrior squealed like a pig as he cupped his privates and dropped to his knees.
“Have a chaser,” said Sarah helpfully. She slammed the mug of ale against the man’s head, shattering the pottery and splashing foul-smelling brew everywhere.
Ajax’s eyes rolled back in his head as he toppled backward like a felled tree.
“HEY! You can’t do that to da boss!” protested Jorrin, drawing his sword.
“Sure she can,” said Iolaus. “An Amazon can do anything she wants.”
“Amazon? She’s a - OWWW!!” Jorrin’s head snapped backward as Iolaus jumped and spun, landing an expertly executed kick on the mercenary’s jaw. There was a crunch of bone and spurt of blood as Jorrin flew backward, landing across Ajax’ prone body.
The last mercenary paused for a split second, not exactly certain whether he should attack Iolaus, Sara Jane, or run. It was at that moment that the all but forgotten little metal dog announced, “You have been warned!”
A thin red beam of light shot from K-9’s elongated nose, briefly illuminating the warrior in glowing light. With barely a grunt, he collapsed into a limp puddle.
Still balanced in a fighting stance, Iolaus glanced around at the other occupants of the tavern. “Anyone else?”
The remaining locals made a hasty retreat from the establishment, leaving behind Iolaus, K-9, Sarah Jane, and a very agitated owner.
“Clean up on aisle three,” Iolaus announced.
“Sorry about the mess,” Sarah Jane apologized.
“Affirmative,” agreed K-9.
“I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?” said a voice from the tavern doorway.
The owner squeaked and ducked behind his counter, anticipating more mayhem.
“Hey, don’t blame me,” said Iolaus as he turned to look at Hercules. “I’m just doing my job. You know, fighting the bad guys, saving the damsel in distress. Thing is, she’s pretty good at handling herself. I -oh! Hey, Doc! How’re you doing?”
“I’m good, thanks. Very good,” said the auburn, not-ginger-haired man standing next to the muscular Son of Zeus. He wore a strangely cut, short brown jacket, loose cloth leggings, and a strange sort of amulet at his throat.
“Ward against evil?” asked Iolaus, pointing to the item.
“Bow tie,” replied the Doctor. “Where I come from, bow ties are cool.”
“Oh. Sure. Okay.” Iolaus could think of better ways to beat Greece’s heat than a scrappy little amulet.
“You know the Doctor?” asked Sarah Jane in surprise.
“Well, sure,” said Iolaus. “Doesn’t everyone?”
Title: Waiting on a Friend
Author: Cyloran
Challenge: Iolaus walks to a bar and meets Sarah Jane Smith
Fandoms: Hercules the Legendary Journeys and Doctor Who
Word Count: 1,924
Rating/Warning: G/No warning needed
Disclaimer: Neither Hercules the Legendary Journeys or Doctor Who belong to me. Just passing through.
As far as Iolaus was concerned, if you’d seen one backwater tavern, you’d seen ‘em all. Hymera’s contribution to the list of forgettable hostelries was a two story shack of wood and mud brick on the outskirts of a tiny farming village.
Standing in the narrow doorway, Iolaus paused to survey the common room beyond. Although the late afternoon sun was bright in a cloudless sky, the tavern was as gloomy as the dock on the river Styx. Windows were shuttered tight and lanterns of olive oil and pig grease diffused the darkness with a sickly yellow glow. Stained, filthy swatches of straw covered the dirt floor in uneven patches like grimy stepping stones to the counter against the far wall. The room was furnished with crude trestle tables and benches in varying sizes, all positioned randomly around a small, cold fireplace.
All conversation stopped when Iolaus walked into the tavern. The locals - men dressed in the rough homespun of rural farmers - stared at him openly as he crossed the room toward the bar. Iolaus, however, was far more interested in the more unusual aspects of the room. Three men wearing leather armor and wearing short swords sat at a table in a corner where they could watch the entire room while keeping their backs to the wall. Or perhaps they were watching the attractive woman who sat at the smallest table in the very center of the room.
“’Afternoon, stranger,” said the tavern keeper from his place behind the bar. “Need a room for the night?”
“No thanks. I’m just waiting on a friend,” Iolaus replied. “I could use a drink, though.”
“What’ll ya have?”
“What’ve you got?”
“Ale. Make it m’self. Won’t find better in Hymera.”
“Is that what the lady’s drinking?”
The owner glanced over Iolaus’ shoulder at the woman and frowned. Clearly, he wasn’t used to having the fairer sex as a patron. “Water,” he said with disgust.
Smart girl, thought Iolaus.
“Ale for me and another water for the lady,” he said, laying a copper coin on the scarred wooden counter.
“Good luck with that,” snorted the owner as he plunked down two pottery mugs. “Other’s’ve tried. She ain’t very friendly.” He sent another frown in the woman’s direction. The lady in question was apparently too busy staring at the tavern doorway to notice any hostility.
“Maybe the others haven’t used the right approach,” said Iolaus as he took possession of the drinks. “What’s her story?”
“Waitin’ on a friend, she says. Like you.” He turned his scowl to Iolaus. “Mebbe you’re waiting on the same one.”
“Maybe,” replied Iolaus, loud enough for the benefit of those occupants intent on listening into their conversation. He doubted that anyone else knew that Hercules would be passing through Hymera but it couldn’t hurt to give these folks the impression that their female visitor wasn’t entirely alone among wolves.
Armed with a mug in either hand, Iolaus headed toward the woman’s table. She was so absorbed in watching the doorway that she actually jumped a bit in her seat when he walked into her line of sight.
“Hello,” he said, offering her his most charming smile. “Is this bench tak-“
“Step away from the Mistress!” ordered a sharp, disembodied voice.
Surprised, Iolaus looked first left, then right, then - seeing no one standing immediately around him - glanced down. A little silver dog-shaped statue rolled toward him from its place beneath the table.
“Step away from the Mistress,” it ordered again.
Muffled cursing and a few pointed gestures to ward off the Evil Eye were flung by several of the locals as they fled the establishment in the wake of this startling display of magic.
“No, wait!” the woman called after them, clearly chagrined. “He won’t hurt you! He-“
Two more patrons made a hasty exit before she could finish. The little metal dog, however, was only interested in Iolaus and his close proximity to his Mistress.
“State your intentions!” it demanded.
Taking care not to spill the drinks, Iolaus raised his hands to show that he was unarmed. “Honorable intentions.” He smiled once more at the woman. “Just looking for a little conversation to pass the time. No pressure. If you’d rather not, I’ll leave you and your champion alone.”
“Activating scan,” advised the dog before his Mistress could reply. Its oddly-shaped ears, like miniature ship’s sails, rotated back and forth a few times as it spoke, generating a strange whirring noise.
“Please forgive K-9,” said the woman with a tentative smile of apology. “He gets a bit overprotective in strange time- um, places.”
“No immediate threat detected,” K-9 concluded, almost grudgingly. “I advise caution, Mistress.”
“That’s great advice,” Iolaus agreed as he slowly lowered his arms. “You can’t be too careful with strangers.” He set the mugs down on the table and, once free, extended a hand to her. “My name’s Iolaus.”
“Sarah Jane Smith,” she replied, accepting his hand under her guardian’s watchful gaze.
“There. See? Not a stranger any more,” concluded Iolaus. “Now, where was I? Oh, right.” He grinned. “Is this bench taken?”
Sarah Jane’s laugh was warm and bright. “It is now. Please, sit down.”
There was something about his name, something familiar just on the edge of memory, but she couldn’t quite grasp it. Unfortunately, Greek history and mythology weren’t her strongest subjects. Egyptian mythology, on the other hand, was something she excelled at, especially after that unhappy encounter with Sutek.
Ears still whirring, K-9 slid back into the shadows under the table as Iolaus took his seat.
“You don’t seem very surprised by K-9,” Sarah Jane observed. “Everyone else here is afraid of him.”
“Afraid of him? Nahhhh. Actually, he’s kind of cute.”
There was tone of indignation from under the table.
“I mean ‘cute’ in a dangerous, guard dog, Cerberus-with-one-head kind of way,” Iolaus was quick to add.
“Affirmative,” came the mollified reply.
“Believe me, I’ve seen some pretty dangerous things come in small metal packages,” Iolaus continued. “Is he one of Atlantea’s toys?”
“Atlantea?”
“The smith. No? Must be one of Hephaestus’ then,” he mused. “He’s always trying to make metal weapons and soldiers in unusual shapes and sizes. It helps him pass the time when ‘Dite is away from home.” Which was a lot, lately. For some reason, the Goddess of Love was especially busy in the Spring. “So! What brings you to Hymera?” He glanced down at the swill inside his mug then over at the muddy brown liquid in Sarah Jane's. “I’ll go out on a limb here and say it’s probably not for the ale.”
“No, it’s not,” she admitted as she gently pushed her mug away. “Actually, maybe you can help me! My friend and I -“
“K-9?”
“Oh, no! I mean, my other friend.”
“The one you’re waiting for?”
“That’s right. Do you know him?”
“Is his name Hercules?”
“Hercules? No, of course not.”
“Oh. Well then. Nope, sorry. I probably don’t know him. Anyway, so you and K-9 and this friend of yours…?” he encouraged.
“We’ve heard some stories about the area. Strange stories. Frankly, very disturbing stories. About strange lights in the sky-“
“-and disappearing livestock, only now there are farmers disappearing too, and talk about some kind of giant, gold-colored squid-thing slithering across the countryside. Those stories?”
“You’ve heard them too!”
“Sure. Everyone this side of the Hellispont has. That’s why I’m here waiting for my friend,” said Iolaus. “We’re going to check it out and see if there really is a monster that needs bashing. That’s what we do. Rescue villages, stop warlords, save damsels in distress--” A slight movement in the far corner brought his gaze from Sarah Jane’s lovely features to the leather-armored mercenaries. “Speaking of which … Hi ya, fellas. Anything we can do for you?”
Sarah Jane turned slightly in her seat and gasped. The three very ugly, brutish looking men were now striding their way.
“If there’s anyone going to be catching a golden squid monster, it’s gonna be us,” said the tallest of the three. To emphasize his point, he slapped the flat of his short sword’s blade in the palm of his hand. “Not some little runt - SLAP! - or some pretty witch - SLAP! - and her magic dog - SLAP! - is gonna stop us.”
“Yeah,” grunted the mercenary to his right. “Ajax don’t like compe-compe-“
“Competition, dummy,” said the third.
“Right. What Jorrin said.”
Ajax narrowed his dark, piggy eyes as his gaze skated over Sarah Jane, lingering on her chest. “Or maybe we could take the witch with. She might be useful.”
“Yeah! As bait!” guffawed Jorrin.
“You don’t mind, do you, Shorty?” said Ajax as he reached out to lay a meaty paw on Sarah Jane’s shoulder.
K-9 slid forward and barked, “You will release the Mistress!”
“Who’s gonna make me, shrimp?” laughed Ajax.
“Me!” replied Sarah Jane and Iolaus in unison.
As Iolaus jumped up, knocking the bench backward, Sarah Jane wrapped her fingers around her mug of water and slammed her reinforced fist into Ajax’s crotch. The big, burly, fierce looking warrior squealed like a pig as he cupped his privates and dropped to his knees.
“Have a chaser,” said Sarah helpfully. She slammed the mug of ale against the man’s head, shattering the pottery and splashing foul-smelling brew everywhere.
Ajax’s eyes rolled back in his head as he toppled backward like a felled tree.
“HEY! You can’t do that to da boss!” protested Jorrin, drawing his sword.
“Sure she can,” said Iolaus. “An Amazon can do anything she wants.”
“Amazon? She’s a - OWWW!!” Jorrin’s head snapped backward as Iolaus jumped and spun, landing an expertly executed kick on the mercenary’s jaw. There was a crunch of bone and spurt of blood as Jorrin flew backward, landing across Ajax’ prone body.
The last mercenary paused for a split second, not exactly certain whether he should attack Iolaus, Sara Jane, or run. It was at that moment that the all but forgotten little metal dog announced, “You have been warned!”
A thin red beam of light shot from K-9’s elongated nose, briefly illuminating the warrior in glowing light. With barely a grunt, he collapsed into a limp puddle.
Still balanced in a fighting stance, Iolaus glanced around at the other occupants of the tavern. “Anyone else?”
The remaining locals made a hasty retreat from the establishment, leaving behind Iolaus, K-9, Sarah Jane, and a very agitated owner.
“Clean up on aisle three,” Iolaus announced.
“Sorry about the mess,” Sarah Jane apologized.
“Affirmative,” agreed K-9.
“I can’t leave you alone for a minute, can I?” said a voice from the tavern doorway.
The owner squeaked and ducked behind his counter, anticipating more mayhem.
“Hey, don’t blame me,” said Iolaus as he turned to look at Hercules. “I’m just doing my job. You know, fighting the bad guys, saving the damsel in distress. Thing is, she’s pretty good at handling herself. I -oh! Hey, Doc! How’re you doing?”
“I’m good, thanks. Very good,” said the auburn, not-ginger-haired man standing next to the muscular Son of Zeus. He wore a strangely cut, short brown jacket, loose cloth leggings, and a strange sort of amulet at his throat.
“Ward against evil?” asked Iolaus, pointing to the item.
“Bow tie,” replied the Doctor. “Where I come from, bow ties are cool.”
“Oh. Sure. Okay.” Iolaus could think of better ways to beat Greece’s heat than a scrappy little amulet.
“You know the Doctor?” asked Sarah Jane in surprise.
“Well, sure,” said Iolaus. “Doesn’t everyone?”