OOC: This features AU!Leoben and is written with the lovely number_eight, taking place in the Earth!AU verse.Mornings in his household were somewhat chaotic
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"When we were trying to see if we could create life, many of us had sex without love." Leoben quirked a brow at her. "Sometimes we had sex just to see what it was like, to learn." Or, as it were, to help the Sixes master their charms of seduction. "So sex without love is not unknown to us, as a race."
Leoben was quiet for a moment. "We're becoming...not human, of course, but something else. I don't even know the last time anyone called me Two. I sign things with a name I chose from nothing. We live with humans--you have born a child," he said, with a touch of reverence in his voice. "Perhaps it would have seemed strange to us, that maybe we would seek...what you have sought," he said delicately, seeking to be respectful. "But I think it is because we are evolving into something greater than we were before."
He cocked his head at her. "Do you want to stop? Is he threatening you, hurting you in any way? Though, if so," he continued before Sharon could answer, "I imagine Kara would have already done something about that. She's protective."
"But my mission was to make Karl fall in love with me, not have sex. And it worked. He fell in love with me, but I fell right back and I don't regret it. I know I was considered a traitor to the race, but then the other Eights," which was hard for her to admit, "looked up to me as some sort of leader for doing that." Helo had even told her about the one model who had accessed all of her memories and 'fell in love' with Sharon's husband.
"I want to stop, and I don't." It was still odd to think of it that way. "I've hurt him, he's hurt me, and somehow it makes it better that way. Less... complicated. We're both married to people who love us and are the 'safe' choice, so maybe we had to seek out other... venues?" Sharon hung her head again. At least Leoben wasn't judging her.
Leoben laughed before he could help himself. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I promise. It's just that I know that story very well. That's probably why Kara told you to talk to me." Leoben took a sip of his own coffee, which was mostly cold by now. "That's what I am, for her. The choice that isn't safe. She needs that. Maybe you do, too."
"And of course you were a role model for them--pardon the pun," he said dryly. "You exhibited independence. And see how the rest of us followed suit."
She raised her head and was ready to say something until he explained himself. Somewhat. "I... I don't get it," she said with a frown. A story he knew well? Sure, she knew what Kara had told her, but...
"Oh," she sighed, "I get it. And don't take this the wrong way because I love Kara, but I don't want to be like her. I don't want to need that."
She shook her head and stood, pacing. "I'm not a role model for anyone. Just because I'm the liaison, it doesn't mean I'm any better or worse than any other Cylon." Not that she really believed that.
"I don't think Kara wants to be her, half the time," Leoben said, shrugging. "But the thing is, Sharon--this is weird, what we're doing, but it's working. Kara finally admitted what she wanted, needed, and..." he spread his hands, indicating himself, the house. "Things are better than they were before."
He watched her pace and quirked a smile at her words. "You don't have to pretend with me," he said, amused. "I will fully admit you are much better company than some of our other brethren." Leoben fell quiet for a moment, and his voice, when he spoke again, was soft.
"Have you seen the mural Kara painted in my bedroom? It's two stars in the darkness of space, a comet in the distance. It's supposed to be us--. Sam, for Kara, is Earth. Stability. Safety. Helo is that for you, the sun, rising bright and setting in darkness. What is Apollo, then, sister, if Helo is that which is always constant?"
She half-laughed. "Well, Apollo is the god of sun according to the humans, right?" And Helo was another form of sun, so the metaphor didn't really work for her even though Sharon knew she was ignoring what Leoben was trying to tell her.
"I don't know," she admitted. "He's... unpredictable, but reliable in that unpredictability, if that makes sense." There was no way she thought she could have what Kara did, though. She had a daughter that wouldn't understand it. She had a very possessive husband who loved her and would beat the crap out of Lee once he found out -- Sharon remembered that night at the Dance when Karl had gotten the better of Lee.
"This is frakked up," she mumbled. "I don't know how you can do it, Leoben."
"Yes. Of course, their gods are not ours. Maybe that is what this is, for you. Cylon and human, because we cannot pretend we are not fashioned in their image." Leoben's mouth twisted for a moment into an ironic smile.
"What do you mean?" he asked her curiously. "How I put up with Kara? That is, of course, a very good question. She's very...well. You know. " He waved a hand, though his voice was affectionate in a way it often wasn't around Kara herself.
"If you mean, how I do we do this, with the three of us?" He laughed. "Sometimes it's hard. But you see, I don't mind that Kara loves Sam. Love is infinite. And there is some balance between the three of us that makes this work where Kara and Sam, or Kara and I, would not." He gave Sharon a wry smile. "Sam might have a different answer. But he might not. I think even he realizes this is necessary, even if he doesn't like admitting it at times."
Cylon and human? Sharon eyed him carefully. Leoben had always talked in riddles, it seemed, so she was trying to understand him, but he wasn't making it easy.
"No, no, not Kara. How you can put up with Sam and Kara who are obviously in love." Although he was right; sometimes Kara made loving her a hard thing. How many female friends did Kara have, anyway?
"Oh, that's..." Odd, she thought to herself. "Great," she said aloud. It still didn't help her at the moment, though. She was supposed to be reliable, caring, the opposite of Kara. Sharon didn't frak around, so when people heard some scuttlebutt that Kara had, no one had been surprised.
"What if it's not love, though?" It was her last question, because it was really the only question that mattered.
"Why should it bother me that Sam and Kara are in love?" Leoben asked her, his gaze sharp. "They are better together than they are apart. I would no more get between them than I would try and stop the sun from setting." Leoben raised a brow. "I know Kara loves me," he said quietly. "But it's not the same kind of love."
"What if you don't love Lee Adama? Sharon, why would you be willing to give up everything you have that makes you happy, if it isn't?"
Different kinds of love. Interesting. Still, she was glad it could work out for the three of them, but Sharon wasn't sure how it related to her just yet.
"Why?" That was the question she'd been asking herself all this time. Why would she? Why would he? "Because maybe I'm frakked up." No, that wasn't it, although it felt that way sometimes.
"Because it's wrong," she said quietly, "and I'm tired of doing the right thing all the time with the right person and the right life."
"You're not," Leoben said, his head tilted. "There is some lesson here to learn." And then, because Kara tried to hit him when he said things of that nature, he added, "There you go. It gives you balance, as I said. Perhaps you should think why you want that, why you need it enough that you are risking everything that makes you happy for it?"
He held a hand up. "I'm not saying you should stop, of course. That's not my place, and I'm aware I'm the last person that should ever give advice on these matters. But there is something you're getting, even if it's not love. Is he the only one who can give you that?"
Leoben wondered, privately, why Lee Adama seemed to function in that role often. From the little Kara had shared with him about her brief affair, it had been that way with her, too. Leoben started, wondering if that had been why Kara had suggested Leoben talk to her.
"It was like that, for Kara. With Lee," he said cautiously, not sure at all how receptive Sharon would be to this. "I think she figured out she needed that from someone. Something unsafe." Leoben smiled briefly. "Maybe that's why she told Sam she wouldn't be with him, not unless I was here."
"I don't know why!" That's why I'm talking to you right now. Give me the answers. You're supposed to know everything! Sharon kept her thoughts to herself, though. She wasn't sure how much this was helping.
"With Kara?" Sharon shuddered, just a little bit, thinking on that. On all the times that she had been with Lee while he had been confused over Dee and Kara. While she had felt guilty over Karl and Hera.
"So, you're the unsafe one, then?" Sharon nodded. "Okay, that much I can get."
"I suppose so. I'm not really sure anymore if that's accurate." Leoben didn't say, I would never hurt her, because he had. That it had been for her own good notwithstanding. "But that's how it started, with us. She would have never said it was love."
"Would she call it love now? Or would it only refer to you?" Sharon was actually curious about that. She hadn't talked to Lee about it much, but maybe it was different for him than it was for her.
"Yes, now she would," he said easily, because it was true. "For me, and for Sam. Love is limitless, sister." Leoben smiled at her. "Would you care for some more coffee? I'm afraid I'm not giving you very good advice."
"No. No, thanks," she said with a smile. "I think I should get home and, well, think over some of the things you mentioned. You didn't give bad advice, Leoben, it's just that it really wasn't what I was expecting, if that makes any sense."
She grabbed her jacket and smoothed out her hair. "I'll probably be around again at some point, who knows? Tell Sam and Kara I said hi, okay?"
It felt weird to hug him, so instead Sharon offered Leoben a handshake before she walked out the door and back to her home.
Leoben was quiet for a moment. "We're becoming...not human, of course, but something else. I don't even know the last time anyone called me Two. I sign things with a name I chose from nothing. We live with humans--you have born a child," he said, with a touch of reverence in his voice. "Perhaps it would have seemed strange to us, that maybe we would seek...what you have sought," he said delicately, seeking to be respectful. "But I think it is because we are evolving into something greater than we were before."
He cocked his head at her. "Do you want to stop? Is he threatening you, hurting you in any way? Though, if so," he continued before Sharon could answer, "I imagine Kara would have already done something about that. She's protective."
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"I want to stop, and I don't." It was still odd to think of it that way. "I've hurt him, he's hurt me, and somehow it makes it better that way. Less... complicated. We're both married to people who love us and are the 'safe' choice, so maybe we had to seek out other... venues?" Sharon hung her head again. At least Leoben wasn't judging her.
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"And of course you were a role model for them--pardon the pun," he said dryly. "You exhibited independence. And see how the rest of us followed suit."
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"Oh," she sighed, "I get it. And don't take this the wrong way because I love Kara, but I don't want to be like her. I don't want to need that."
She shook her head and stood, pacing. "I'm not a role model for anyone. Just because I'm the liaison, it doesn't mean I'm any better or worse than any other Cylon." Not that she really believed that.
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He watched her pace and quirked a smile at her words. "You don't have to pretend with me," he said, amused. "I will fully admit you are much better company than some of our other brethren." Leoben fell quiet for a moment, and his voice, when he spoke again, was soft.
"Have you seen the mural Kara painted in my bedroom? It's two stars in the darkness of space, a comet in the distance. It's supposed to be us--. Sam, for Kara, is Earth. Stability. Safety. Helo is that for you, the sun, rising bright and setting in darkness. What is Apollo, then, sister, if Helo is that which is always constant?"
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"I don't know," she admitted. "He's... unpredictable, but reliable in that unpredictability, if that makes sense." There was no way she thought she could have what Kara did, though. She had a daughter that wouldn't understand it. She had a very possessive husband who loved her and would beat the crap out of Lee once he found out -- Sharon remembered that night at the Dance when Karl had gotten the better of Lee.
"This is frakked up," she mumbled. "I don't know how you can do it, Leoben."
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"What do you mean?" he asked her curiously. "How I put up with Kara? That is, of course, a very good question. She's very...well. You know. " He waved a hand, though his voice was affectionate in a way it often wasn't around Kara herself.
"If you mean, how I do we do this, with the three of us?" He laughed. "Sometimes it's hard. But you see, I don't mind that Kara loves Sam. Love is infinite. And there is some balance between the three of us that makes this work where Kara and Sam, or Kara and I, would not." He gave Sharon a wry smile. "Sam might have a different answer. But he might not. I think even he realizes this is necessary, even if he doesn't like admitting it at times."
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"No, no, not Kara. How you can put up with Sam and Kara who are obviously in love." Although he was right; sometimes Kara made loving her a hard thing. How many female friends did Kara have, anyway?
"Oh, that's..." Odd, she thought to herself. "Great," she said aloud. It still didn't help her at the moment, though. She was supposed to be reliable, caring, the opposite of Kara. Sharon didn't frak around, so when people heard some scuttlebutt that Kara had, no one had been surprised.
"What if it's not love, though?" It was her last question, because it was really the only question that mattered.
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"What if you don't love Lee Adama? Sharon, why would you be willing to give up everything you have that makes you happy, if it isn't?"
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"Why?" That was the question she'd been asking herself all this time. Why would she? Why would he? "Because maybe I'm frakked up." No, that wasn't it, although it felt that way sometimes.
"Because it's wrong," she said quietly, "and I'm tired of doing the right thing all the time with the right person and the right life."
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He held a hand up. "I'm not saying you should stop, of course. That's not my place, and I'm aware I'm the last person that should ever give advice on these matters. But there is something you're getting, even if it's not love. Is he the only one who can give you that?"
Leoben wondered, privately, why Lee Adama seemed to function in that role often. From the little Kara had shared with him about her brief affair, it had been that way with her, too. Leoben started, wondering if that had been why Kara had suggested Leoben talk to her.
"It was like that, for Kara. With Lee," he said cautiously, not sure at all how receptive Sharon would be to this. "I think she figured out she needed that from someone. Something unsafe." Leoben smiled briefly. "Maybe that's why she told Sam she wouldn't be with him, not unless I was here."
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"With Kara?" Sharon shuddered, just a little bit, thinking on that. On all the times that she had been with Lee while he had been confused over Dee and Kara. While she had felt guilty over Karl and Hera.
"So, you're the unsafe one, then?" Sharon nodded. "Okay, that much I can get."
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She grabbed her jacket and smoothed out her hair. "I'll probably be around again at some point, who knows? Tell Sam and Kara I said hi, okay?"
It felt weird to hug him, so instead Sharon offered Leoben a handshake before she walked out the door and back to her home.
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