[True_writers prompt: 13. 2. B. Sit down and shut up.]
OOC: This prompt features AU!Leoben, and references the AU!verse, with Sam (Notmyfate) and Kara (Burnandrave).
[Leoben doesn't lock a single word of this from anyone.]
It's come to my attention that Kara and Sam both think of me as not having a temper. My fellow Cylon models often thought this as well, and I admit that it amuses me that everyone seems to see me as eternally calm. I will admit that I usually am, and I do believe that comes directly from my acceptance of myself, my place in the universe, and the inevitably of my fate.
But I do have a temper, certainly. I think it's very hard for Kara and Sam to notice, since mine is somewhat--let's say less obvious than theirs. I think a hurricane is less obvious than Kara in a temper, and Sam might not want to hear this, but he definitely has his moments. It's very interesting to be the most even-tempered in a household with two other very hot-headed individuals. Apparently if I am not throwing things, I'm never angry.
I'm fairly sure that half the time something angers me, neither of them notice. I suppose I should try shouting or talking louder, but that's not really my way (though I've done it, certainly). I tend towards rational discussion more than shouting, but I've noticed that seems to make Kara and Sam disproportionately angry at me ("how can you be so calm when I'm so mad, Leoben?"), but shouting back would only (I think) be worse, so you can see my dilemma.
Kara has always been able to anger me because she's very willful. That is one of her strengths, certainly, but when she puts her mind to ignoring things (like, say, the truth of her destiny) it can be very frustrating. It used to baffle me that she would fight so hard against the obvious, even when she herself finally admitted it. She nearly killed me on the Demetrius, for example, because she finally knew I was right. There are times when there is no way to win with her. And it's not just matters of fate with which she manifests this behavior, lest you think that. It's pretty much her standard mode of operation.
Sam and I have always had something of a contentious relationship. He was angry at me for abducting her, and I understand that. He tried to attack me on the Demetrius, and I let him because I understood and deserved his anger for that. It is hard, in the heat of the moment, to explain the larger plan. When caught in the threads, it is difficult to see the tapestry in its entirety. I have always known Kara loves Sam; the truth of it shines like a light when she looks at him, and I respect that bond between them.
(As an aside: it has never made sense to me, this idea that humans can love only one other person. Of course Kara loves Sam, and he loves her. This has nothing to do with Kara and I. Why do humans become so jealous, as if love is a finite commodity that will run out? Love is infinite.)
I did not expect Sam to be able to make me angry as he does; but once again, I am watching someone blatantly and willfully ignore what they are, what they must do. Sam and I, we seem to be at the stage I was with Kara when we initially met. And I won't lie, the thought that I will require abduction, death and civil war to get him to listen is exhausting. But I think it won't come to that. Sam wants to stop with the fear and the doubt, and I think in time, he will. This will be good for us both; it is very frustrating to be asked a question and then be yelled at for doing nothing more than answering it. Refusal to answer said question may result in a similar occurrence. Perhaps you begin to understand the situation I am in, mm?
My fellow Cylons thought I was too involved in the esoteric and not invested enough in the practicality of the moment. I think, often, that both Kara and Sam think this way about me, too. (Disregard the fact that if I were not invested in the practicality of the moment, so to speak, we wouldn't eat.) That is not true. Just as I can become annoyed that Sam fights so hard against accepting himself as a Cylon, I can be equally irritated that Kara never picks up her towels (why would you throw a wet towel on the place where you sleep, and then leave it there all day?) or that Sam leaves his shoes in the doorway (why would anyone do this?) so they are the first thing you trip over when you come inside.
So, perhaps I have made it adequately clear that, yes, I do have a temper. If Kara's anger is a hurricane, and Sam's is less destructive and overt but just as intense--a tornado, perhaps--then mine is probably something a bit more subtle, like a low-pressure front that hardly anyone notices unless not much else is going on.
I should stop before I am chastised for my usage of metaphors, though I have a feeling that is going to be the least of my worries.
[Leoben doesn't lock a single word of this from anyone.]
It's come to my attention that Kara and Sam both think of me as not having a temper. My fellow Cylon models often thought this as well, and I admit that it amuses me that everyone seems to see me as eternally calm. I will admit that I usually am, and I do believe that comes directly from my acceptance of myself, my place in the universe, and the inevitably of my fate.
But I do have a temper, certainly. I think it's very hard for Kara and Sam to notice, since mine is somewhat--let's say less obvious than theirs. I think a hurricane is less obvious than Kara in a temper, and Sam might not want to hear this, but he definitely has his moments. It's very interesting to be the most even-tempered in a household with two other very hot-headed individuals. Apparently if I am not throwing things, I'm never angry.
I'm fairly sure that half the time something angers me, neither of them notice. I suppose I should try shouting or talking louder, but that's not really my way (though I've done it, certainly). I tend towards rational discussion more than shouting, but I've noticed that seems to make Kara and Sam disproportionately angry at me ("how can you be so calm when I'm so mad, Leoben?"), but shouting back would only (I think) be worse, so you can see my dilemma.
Kara has always been able to anger me because she's very willful. That is one of her strengths, certainly, but when she puts her mind to ignoring things (like, say, the truth of her destiny) it can be very frustrating. It used to baffle me that she would fight so hard against the obvious, even when she herself finally admitted it. She nearly killed me on the Demetrius, for example, because she finally knew I was right. There are times when there is no way to win with her. And it's not just matters of fate with which she manifests this behavior, lest you think that. It's pretty much her standard mode of operation.
Sam and I have always had something of a contentious relationship. He was angry at me for abducting her, and I understand that. He tried to attack me on the Demetrius, and I let him because I understood and deserved his anger for that. It is hard, in the heat of the moment, to explain the larger plan. When caught in the threads, it is difficult to see the tapestry in its entirety. I have always known Kara loves Sam; the truth of it shines like a light when she looks at him, and I respect that bond between them.
(As an aside: it has never made sense to me, this idea that humans can love only one other person. Of course Kara loves Sam, and he loves her. This has nothing to do with Kara and I. Why do humans become so jealous, as if love is a finite commodity that will run out? Love is infinite.)
I did not expect Sam to be able to make me angry as he does; but once again, I am watching someone blatantly and willfully ignore what they are, what they must do. Sam and I, we seem to be at the stage I was with Kara when we initially met. And I won't lie, the thought that I will require abduction, death and civil war to get him to listen is exhausting. But I think it won't come to that. Sam wants to stop with the fear and the doubt, and I think in time, he will. This will be good for us both; it is very frustrating to be asked a question and then be yelled at for doing nothing more than answering it. Refusal to answer said question may result in a similar occurrence. Perhaps you begin to understand the situation I am in, mm?
My fellow Cylons thought I was too involved in the esoteric and not invested enough in the practicality of the moment. I think, often, that both Kara and Sam think this way about me, too. (Disregard the fact that if I were not invested in the practicality of the moment, so to speak, we wouldn't eat.) That is not true. Just as I can become annoyed that Sam fights so hard against accepting himself as a Cylon, I can be equally irritated that Kara never picks up her towels (why would you throw a wet towel on the place where you sleep, and then leave it there all day?) or that Sam leaves his shoes in the doorway (why would anyone do this?) so they are the first thing you trip over when you come inside.
So, perhaps I have made it adequately clear that, yes, I do have a temper. If Kara's anger is a hurricane, and Sam's is less destructive and overt but just as intense--a tornado, perhaps--then mine is probably something a bit more subtle, like a low-pressure front that hardly anyone notices unless not much else is going on.
I should stop before I am chastised for my usage of metaphors, though I have a feeling that is going to be the least of my worries.