(no subject)
I have no idea whos honestly going to read this now.. The room is white and there isn't a soul in sight.
Sometimes... I wish I could just drive away and do anything that I wanted despite my thoughts and feelings invovled. I've had this feeling before and it took me for a wild ride. This time I can't steal my moms car and be reckless. I just have to deal. The peace is slowly dying when I realize that I am still here. This womans house is mad.
I have pictures... vivid pictures of my old room and my sisters beds. The pink christmas lights I put over the closet doorway that illuminated the room at night. High school and sneeking backstage in the dark. I would be like a ghost. I've taken so much for granted that it hurts to realize. Even my opportunity for education was taken..
The steps arent clear. I am tired of not knowing, and then when I tried I got tired of being the only person doing something.
My mother is stealing from the company again. It makes me sad cause the more she'll do it the more we will be held back reguardless of how hard she works. God will always decide where we are going at this point.
Music isn't even an escape anymore. I find songs that remind me of certian people and places. Most of which are sad endings and I arrive at depressions door again. In a week I should be out of here and back into a hotel for the fall and winter. I can be hopeful, but what does it matter if I know I have the energy to do something about the situation. I want Gods direction. So far all I've gotten is to give an offering and that was a month ago. I still havent done it yet. I think that because I haven't been able to manage my money correctly it's keeping me from getting more.
So.. I will tithe, and I will save money for my spring semeser education and pray that he will allow us to rise again.
~Claire
Sometimes... I wish I could just drive away and do anything that I wanted despite my thoughts and feelings invovled. I've had this feeling before and it took me for a wild ride. This time I can't steal my moms car and be reckless. I just have to deal. The peace is slowly dying when I realize that I am still here. This womans house is mad.
I have pictures... vivid pictures of my old room and my sisters beds. The pink christmas lights I put over the closet doorway that illuminated the room at night. High school and sneeking backstage in the dark. I would be like a ghost. I've taken so much for granted that it hurts to realize. Even my opportunity for education was taken..
The steps arent clear. I am tired of not knowing, and then when I tried I got tired of being the only person doing something.
My mother is stealing from the company again. It makes me sad cause the more she'll do it the more we will be held back reguardless of how hard she works. God will always decide where we are going at this point.
Music isn't even an escape anymore. I find songs that remind me of certian people and places. Most of which are sad endings and I arrive at depressions door again. In a week I should be out of here and back into a hotel for the fall and winter. I can be hopeful, but what does it matter if I know I have the energy to do something about the situation. I want Gods direction. So far all I've gotten is to give an offering and that was a month ago. I still havent done it yet. I think that because I haven't been able to manage my money correctly it's keeping me from getting more.
So.. I will tithe, and I will save money for my spring semeser education and pray that he will allow us to rise again.
~Claire