fandom_muses February topic: Madness
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -John Russell
Scott sometimes had to ask himself how many times you could fall in love with crazy people before it started to say something about you.
His relationship with Logan was the latest reason for him to question this pattern. Not that Logan was acting particularly crazy, right now -- considering the circumstances, Scott sometimes felt surprised that Logan was managing to be so level-headed. Relatively speaking.
Still, Logan did have a history: bouts of uncontrollable behavior, springing from a rage that was very much like madness. The truth was that it didn't really worry Scott, personally; he wasn't scared of Logan -- which the other man might take as insult. But part of the basis of their rivalry over the years had been that there were so evenly matched, neither one could ever really beat the other. Scott was no match for Logan at close range, of course, but he wasn't worried about Logan at close range. Wolverine's madness wasn't the kind that would sneak in close to you so that it could slip the blade in. Scott had no doubt the man had done such things over the years, but at those moments, it would be his reason in control -- and he couldn't conceive that Logan would ever find a reason to hurt him.
No, only one person had ever gotten at Scott that way. Emma. That night she had come upon him in their bedroom while he did the accounts. She had pulled him into an old game they used to play, used all the knowledge that he had casually given her in their time together to rip his mind apart. That was Emma's insanity, all cold and sharp and intimate. It hadn't been hers, of course; the mental parasite Cassandra Nova planted had dug in and done its work. And yet, Emma had thought the choices were her own. So, even in madness, they had taken the form that she expected and feared -- reverting to the self she had shed, betraying the man she loved and dismantling the life she had built.
And Scott had saved her. He had refused to let Emma go, refused to let Kitty give her the death she was seeking. He had held on tight and spoken to her, and she had heard him through the madness. Scott had always believed it was possible with Jean, had always wanted it to be possible with Madelyne. Three women who all seemed perfectly sane when he met them ("Save for loving me" -- wasn't that the line from the play?) They had all three fallen apart, and at last, with Emma, he had figured out how to hold the pieces together.
Scott had done it for her; he would do it for Logan if the time came that he needed to. He just had to wonder about the level, somewhere not even that deep down, where the idea appealed to him. Standing beside the person you loved, being strong and solid for the person who was slowly going mad. As long as you could do that, one thing could be certain: the crazy person in the room, it wasn't you.
Scott sometimes had to ask himself how many times you could fall in love with crazy people before it started to say something about you.
His relationship with Logan was the latest reason for him to question this pattern. Not that Logan was acting particularly crazy, right now -- considering the circumstances, Scott sometimes felt surprised that Logan was managing to be so level-headed. Relatively speaking.
Still, Logan did have a history: bouts of uncontrollable behavior, springing from a rage that was very much like madness. The truth was that it didn't really worry Scott, personally; he wasn't scared of Logan -- which the other man might take as insult. But part of the basis of their rivalry over the years had been that there were so evenly matched, neither one could ever really beat the other. Scott was no match for Logan at close range, of course, but he wasn't worried about Logan at close range. Wolverine's madness wasn't the kind that would sneak in close to you so that it could slip the blade in. Scott had no doubt the man had done such things over the years, but at those moments, it would be his reason in control -- and he couldn't conceive that Logan would ever find a reason to hurt him.
No, only one person had ever gotten at Scott that way. Emma. That night she had come upon him in their bedroom while he did the accounts. She had pulled him into an old game they used to play, used all the knowledge that he had casually given her in their time together to rip his mind apart. That was Emma's insanity, all cold and sharp and intimate. It hadn't been hers, of course; the mental parasite Cassandra Nova planted had dug in and done its work. And yet, Emma had thought the choices were her own. So, even in madness, they had taken the form that she expected and feared -- reverting to the self she had shed, betraying the man she loved and dismantling the life she had built.
And Scott had saved her. He had refused to let Emma go, refused to let Kitty give her the death she was seeking. He had held on tight and spoken to her, and she had heard him through the madness. Scott had always believed it was possible with Jean, had always wanted it to be possible with Madelyne. Three women who all seemed perfectly sane when he met them ("Save for loving me" -- wasn't that the line from the play?) They had all three fallen apart, and at last, with Emma, he had figured out how to hold the pieces together.
Scott had done it for her; he would do it for Logan if the time came that he needed to. He just had to wonder about the level, somewhere not even that deep down, where the idea appealed to him. Standing beside the person you loved, being strong and solid for the person who was slowly going mad. As long as you could do that, one thing could be certain: the crazy person in the room, it wasn't you.