CyFishy's Rules For Second Living
argent-bury posted a meme of sorts here, and asked:
If you are so inclined, give me a few rules you live by in SL, and a few things you get out of being here. Don't talk about your expectations on others, talk about you.
So, in no particular order, here are a few of mine:
Rule #1 -- Be nice to the newbs. I stumbled into Second Life in August of 2006 and utterly baffled by things that are now second nature to me. I was helped, perhaps, by the fact that I was part of a massive influx of Duranies who had signed up at the announcement that Duran Duran would be playing a show there and thus I had an existing 'support network' of fellow travelers in this strange new land. Each time one of us came across something helpful, we'd pass the information through much the same pathways that we passed around information about the band.
Later on I met Miles Montgolfier, who did even more to bring me up to speed (even though, ironically, she'd signed up two months after I did--she'd been able to devote more time to it than I had and thus was well past me in knowledge by the time we met.) Miles showed me how to take a little more pride in my avatar's appearance and introduced me to her extensive social circle.
My point being (yes, there was a point to all that) I still remember what it was like to be a clueless newbie in this strange new world. So when I see someone with avatar hair moving around a little uncertainly, I check the date on the profile and, yep, they really were born yesterday. So I'm gentle with them when they ask me where I'm from ("Livigno" is my usual response) and do what I can to help them along. Because just about everybody inworld was new at one point, and shaming them for not getting hip to it sooner doesn't really help anything.
Rule #2 -- Not everybody wants to talk about Real Life, and shouldn't have to. But, by the same token, if you want to talk about Real Life, you should be free to. I'm very much a live and let live person in this department. Second Life will never be a completely self-contained world for me because of my friendship with Miles. I have shared some Real Life details of my existence with folks I've only known inworld. But I also hang with people like Argent and Soph, who see themselves as self-contained individuals and therefore don't have Real Life details to speak of. And that's fine, too.
I gauge it pretty much by what the individual is willing to reveal--if you talk about the weather where you are, I'll talk about the weather where I am. If you mention you're drinking vodka, I'll mention I'm drinking wine. There is a certain line I do draw, simply because there are many things that are nobody's damn business, but my general rule is, the more of your Real Life you entrust with me (and I do see it as a sign of profound trust to reveal it) the more of my Real Life I'm willing to entrust with you. Which sort of brings me to Rule #3 . . .
Rule #3 -- Lie by omission, if you must, but do not fabricate. If somebody asks you about your Real Life, the proper answers are (a) that you'd rather not answer or (b) the truth. Don't say you're single if you're really married, don't say you're a guy when you're really a girl. If you want to be something other than what you are, that's what your avatar is for.
(Can ya tell I feel a bit strongly about that one?)
Rule #4 -- Do not sacrifice your fleshy life on the altar of Second Life. Second Life should be an enhancement, not a substitute. When weighing a Real Life obligation against a Second Life one, the Real Life one takes priority. (Though sometimes I can even take care of both--if I have to do the laundry, I might as well hang out at Quantum Fields while I'm at it. After all, you can keep a dance animation going and have your hands free to sort out your socks . . . and even type in a few comments between pairs.) If you're not happy with your Real Life, put your energies into changing it for the better--use Second Life as inspiration, as a support system, or even just as a way to relax after a long hard day of working towards your goals, but don't let your life wither because it's so much easier to just fire up the client and ignore everything else.
Rule #5 -- Read Section Five of the Terms of Service with feeling and keep in mind that you clicked "I Agree" to all of it. Lag happens. Crashes happen. Inventory glitches happen. It's not fun, I don't like it, but pitching an absolute shitfit over it doesn't help, well, anything. I suppose I take a kind of Buddhist perspective on it, seeing all forms as impermanent and trying not to cling too tightly to them. Any money I spend is at my own risk and, frankly, any income I expect is likewise at my own risk. Obviously, I'd love for the platform to be more stable than it's been, and I still have hopes that this is possible, but in the meantime I accept what is and do what little I can (bug reports and so on) to help it along.
Rule #6 -- If it stops being fun, stop doing it. Once in a while, I just get so overloaded that I need to take a break from staring at a screen. And there's absolutely no shame in that. I know people who have wandered off completely, and as much as I miss them, I accept that they have the freedom to live their lives as they choose. I'm still inworld, because I'm still enjoying myself. If things change to the point that it no longer serves me, then I'll probably move on (though I sincerely hope things will never get to that point!)
Rule #7 -- Be excellent to each other. I really do try to be nice to everybody. Over time, I have learned that being civil gets you farther than being contentious, even though being contentious might feel better in the short run. (Though, granted, I have been known to whip out the sarcas-o-tron when truly provoked.) We all incarnated into this crazy world because we enjoy it, so even if we have nothing else in common, we at least have that. (My new age friends advance the notion that this perspective also applies to Real Life . . . take that as you will.)
What do I get out of being here? In no particular order:
A new creative medium. This is the way I explain it to people in Real Life--"My sister works in fabric. My brother works in metal. I work in prims." I'm not a particularly brilliant designer or scripter (at this point, anyway) but I do get a certain thrill out of building my own house, designing my own clothes and hacking a script to do what I need it to do. That little squee of "I did it myself!' is so worth it, even if the results aren't quite professional quality just yet.
Exploration. I've been falling a bit short of this of late, but there is so much to see and wander in, whether it's replicas of Real Life places or settings spun from pure imagination.
It's also a way for me to explore new ways of being, whether through gender-shifting, appearance-changing or entire other personas.
Connection. I've met some really amazing people through this medium and the fact that we've never met in the flesh doesn't diminish that in the slightest.
Whew! That was quite a bit of rambling for one night, I think. Now it's probably high time for me to stop talking about Second Life and actually go inworld and do something there . . .
If you are so inclined, give me a few rules you live by in SL, and a few things you get out of being here. Don't talk about your expectations on others, talk about you.
So, in no particular order, here are a few of mine:
Rule #1 -- Be nice to the newbs. I stumbled into Second Life in August of 2006 and utterly baffled by things that are now second nature to me. I was helped, perhaps, by the fact that I was part of a massive influx of Duranies who had signed up at the announcement that Duran Duran would be playing a show there and thus I had an existing 'support network' of fellow travelers in this strange new land. Each time one of us came across something helpful, we'd pass the information through much the same pathways that we passed around information about the band.
Later on I met Miles Montgolfier, who did even more to bring me up to speed (even though, ironically, she'd signed up two months after I did--she'd been able to devote more time to it than I had and thus was well past me in knowledge by the time we met.) Miles showed me how to take a little more pride in my avatar's appearance and introduced me to her extensive social circle.
My point being (yes, there was a point to all that) I still remember what it was like to be a clueless newbie in this strange new world. So when I see someone with avatar hair moving around a little uncertainly, I check the date on the profile and, yep, they really were born yesterday. So I'm gentle with them when they ask me where I'm from ("Livigno" is my usual response) and do what I can to help them along. Because just about everybody inworld was new at one point, and shaming them for not getting hip to it sooner doesn't really help anything.
Rule #2 -- Not everybody wants to talk about Real Life, and shouldn't have to. But, by the same token, if you want to talk about Real Life, you should be free to. I'm very much a live and let live person in this department. Second Life will never be a completely self-contained world for me because of my friendship with Miles. I have shared some Real Life details of my existence with folks I've only known inworld. But I also hang with people like Argent and Soph, who see themselves as self-contained individuals and therefore don't have Real Life details to speak of. And that's fine, too.
I gauge it pretty much by what the individual is willing to reveal--if you talk about the weather where you are, I'll talk about the weather where I am. If you mention you're drinking vodka, I'll mention I'm drinking wine. There is a certain line I do draw, simply because there are many things that are nobody's damn business, but my general rule is, the more of your Real Life you entrust with me (and I do see it as a sign of profound trust to reveal it) the more of my Real Life I'm willing to entrust with you. Which sort of brings me to Rule #3 . . .
Rule #3 -- Lie by omission, if you must, but do not fabricate. If somebody asks you about your Real Life, the proper answers are (a) that you'd rather not answer or (b) the truth. Don't say you're single if you're really married, don't say you're a guy when you're really a girl. If you want to be something other than what you are, that's what your avatar is for.
(Can ya tell I feel a bit strongly about that one?)
Rule #4 -- Do not sacrifice your fleshy life on the altar of Second Life. Second Life should be an enhancement, not a substitute. When weighing a Real Life obligation against a Second Life one, the Real Life one takes priority. (Though sometimes I can even take care of both--if I have to do the laundry, I might as well hang out at Quantum Fields while I'm at it. After all, you can keep a dance animation going and have your hands free to sort out your socks . . . and even type in a few comments between pairs.) If you're not happy with your Real Life, put your energies into changing it for the better--use Second Life as inspiration, as a support system, or even just as a way to relax after a long hard day of working towards your goals, but don't let your life wither because it's so much easier to just fire up the client and ignore everything else.
Rule #5 -- Read Section Five of the Terms of Service with feeling and keep in mind that you clicked "I Agree" to all of it. Lag happens. Crashes happen. Inventory glitches happen. It's not fun, I don't like it, but pitching an absolute shitfit over it doesn't help, well, anything. I suppose I take a kind of Buddhist perspective on it, seeing all forms as impermanent and trying not to cling too tightly to them. Any money I spend is at my own risk and, frankly, any income I expect is likewise at my own risk. Obviously, I'd love for the platform to be more stable than it's been, and I still have hopes that this is possible, but in the meantime I accept what is and do what little I can (bug reports and so on) to help it along.
Rule #6 -- If it stops being fun, stop doing it. Once in a while, I just get so overloaded that I need to take a break from staring at a screen. And there's absolutely no shame in that. I know people who have wandered off completely, and as much as I miss them, I accept that they have the freedom to live their lives as they choose. I'm still inworld, because I'm still enjoying myself. If things change to the point that it no longer serves me, then I'll probably move on (though I sincerely hope things will never get to that point!)
Rule #7 -- Be excellent to each other. I really do try to be nice to everybody. Over time, I have learned that being civil gets you farther than being contentious, even though being contentious might feel better in the short run. (Though, granted, I have been known to whip out the sarcas-o-tron when truly provoked.) We all incarnated into this crazy world because we enjoy it, so even if we have nothing else in common, we at least have that. (My new age friends advance the notion that this perspective also applies to Real Life . . . take that as you will.)
What do I get out of being here? In no particular order:
A new creative medium. This is the way I explain it to people in Real Life--"My sister works in fabric. My brother works in metal. I work in prims." I'm not a particularly brilliant designer or scripter (at this point, anyway) but I do get a certain thrill out of building my own house, designing my own clothes and hacking a script to do what I need it to do. That little squee of "I did it myself!' is so worth it, even if the results aren't quite professional quality just yet.
Exploration. I've been falling a bit short of this of late, but there is so much to see and wander in, whether it's replicas of Real Life places or settings spun from pure imagination.
It's also a way for me to explore new ways of being, whether through gender-shifting, appearance-changing or entire other personas.
Connection. I've met some really amazing people through this medium and the fact that we've never met in the flesh doesn't diminish that in the slightest.
Whew! That was quite a bit of rambling for one night, I think. Now it's probably high time for me to stop talking about Second Life and actually go inworld and do something there . . .