My dirty past...
I was checking out fics at AO3, one thing led to another, and I found this old prompt on the kinkmeme. And lo and behold, I found one of my sort-of-not-really fills.
It's probably not going to grow into a full-on fic. But for your enjoyment, here's a little look of one of my earlier attempts at writing.
Mycroft decides to chat with his brother's new boyfriend. Said brother failed to mention his new boyfriend is an international assassin.
"So, Dr. Watson-"
"John, please."
"John, then. What do you do for a living?"
"I kill people."
"..."
"Oh, not for fun. I'm not a serial killer or anything, don't worry. Complete professional, me."
"...I see."
"Used to work for a group, but I quit after they cut our pensions. And banned pub nights, something about too much property damage. Anyways, I'm freelancing now."
"Ah."
"It's quite nice, actually, I get to pick and choose my own contracts. You wouldn't believe how many rich gits want to off their relatives. Gets rather dull after the first couple dozen or so."
"Indeed. If you'll excuse me for a moment?"
"Of course."
7:03 Answer your phone. Now. MH
7:19 Busy. SH
7:23 Perhaps if you knew I was holding John Watson? MH
7:24 Get your fat fingers off of him. SH
7:26 Childish insults won't get you anywhere. Did you know your boyfriend is an assassin? MH
7:26 Of course I did. It's rather obvious. SH
7:27 I see. And exactly how did you two meet? MH
7:28 He tried to kill me. SH
7:34 Mycroft? SH
7:40 Mycroft, did you eat your phone? SH
7:43 Where is John? SH
7:47 Someplace very secure. MH
7:48 What have you done to him! SH
7:50 There's no need to be so dramatic, Sherlock. He's unharmed. MH
*ring*
"Ah, Sherlock. I was wondering when you would call."
"Give him the phone."
"I'm afraid he's incapable of holding a phone right now."
"You pompous prick!"
"Language, Sherlock."
"Oh, go eat a pastry, Mycroft. Put me on speakerphone."
"Er, hello?"
"John. Has he hurt you?"
"Oh, Sherlock, hullo! How are you?"
"Answer the question, John!"
"Huh? Oh, no, I'm fine. Well, mostly fine."
"Mostly?!"
"Well, I'm tied to a chair, and there's a couple of blokes aiming their guns at my head. And a sniper, if I'm not mistaken."
"Anthea, please terminate Sniper 348's contract."
"Oh, wait, hang on, is this because I saw him? You shouldn't fire him, he's actually quite good. I just have a lot of practice in spotting snipers. Got into a bit of a tiff with some ex-KGB and all."
"John! Focus!"
"What? Oh, sorry, Sherlock."
"Mycroft, this is all very extreme. Even for you."
"He sent two of my men to the hospital, Sherlock. My reaction is perfectly appropriate."
"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry about that. Just, you know, I was stalked by phones and a black unmarked car was following me. It was weird."
"Don't worry, John. My brother seems to think kidnapping people is a perfectly acceptable method of introducing himself. You were well within your rights to defend yourself."
"Um, thanks."
"In fact, feel free to hurt Mycroft. At any time."
"Charming, Sherlock. Say goodbye to John now."
"Don't you dare, Myc-"
*click*
"Well, that was...indescribable."
"What are your intentions towards my brother, Dr. Watson?"
"Hmm? Oh, uh, I was planning on asking him out a few more times, and then shagging him."
"..."
"Well, actually, I was hoping he'd shag me. It's been ages since I've been fucked and your brother looks like he'll be a real goer once you get him started."
"Good. God."
He's really tall, too. If the rest of him is in proportion, I'm in for a right good rogering."
"Oh dear GOD."
"Mycroft, are you okay? You're looking a bit green."
"Anthea, please drop Dr. Watson off as far away as possible. In fact, drop him off the face of the planet."
"Hey!"
It's probably not going to grow into a full-on fic. But for your enjoyment, here's a little look of one of my earlier attempts at writing.
Mycroft decides to chat with his brother's new boyfriend. Said brother failed to mention his new boyfriend is an international assassin.
"So, Dr. Watson-"
"John, please."
"John, then. What do you do for a living?"
"I kill people."
"..."
"Oh, not for fun. I'm not a serial killer or anything, don't worry. Complete professional, me."
"...I see."
"Used to work for a group, but I quit after they cut our pensions. And banned pub nights, something about too much property damage. Anyways, I'm freelancing now."
"Ah."
"It's quite nice, actually, I get to pick and choose my own contracts. You wouldn't believe how many rich gits want to off their relatives. Gets rather dull after the first couple dozen or so."
"Indeed. If you'll excuse me for a moment?"
"Of course."
7:03 Answer your phone. Now. MH
7:19 Busy. SH
7:23 Perhaps if you knew I was holding John Watson? MH
7:24 Get your fat fingers off of him. SH
7:26 Childish insults won't get you anywhere. Did you know your boyfriend is an assassin? MH
7:26 Of course I did. It's rather obvious. SH
7:27 I see. And exactly how did you two meet? MH
7:28 He tried to kill me. SH
7:34 Mycroft? SH
7:40 Mycroft, did you eat your phone? SH
7:43 Where is John? SH
7:47 Someplace very secure. MH
7:48 What have you done to him! SH
7:50 There's no need to be so dramatic, Sherlock. He's unharmed. MH
*ring*
"Ah, Sherlock. I was wondering when you would call."
"Give him the phone."
"I'm afraid he's incapable of holding a phone right now."
"You pompous prick!"
"Language, Sherlock."
"Oh, go eat a pastry, Mycroft. Put me on speakerphone."
"Er, hello?"
"John. Has he hurt you?"
"Oh, Sherlock, hullo! How are you?"
"Answer the question, John!"
"Huh? Oh, no, I'm fine. Well, mostly fine."
"Mostly?!"
"Well, I'm tied to a chair, and there's a couple of blokes aiming their guns at my head. And a sniper, if I'm not mistaken."
"Anthea, please terminate Sniper 348's contract."
"Oh, wait, hang on, is this because I saw him? You shouldn't fire him, he's actually quite good. I just have a lot of practice in spotting snipers. Got into a bit of a tiff with some ex-KGB and all."
"John! Focus!"
"What? Oh, sorry, Sherlock."
"Mycroft, this is all very extreme. Even for you."
"He sent two of my men to the hospital, Sherlock. My reaction is perfectly appropriate."
"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry about that. Just, you know, I was stalked by phones and a black unmarked car was following me. It was weird."
"Don't worry, John. My brother seems to think kidnapping people is a perfectly acceptable method of introducing himself. You were well within your rights to defend yourself."
"Um, thanks."
"In fact, feel free to hurt Mycroft. At any time."
"Charming, Sherlock. Say goodbye to John now."
"Don't you dare, Myc-"
*click*
"Well, that was...indescribable."
"What are your intentions towards my brother, Dr. Watson?"
"Hmm? Oh, uh, I was planning on asking him out a few more times, and then shagging him."
"..."
"Well, actually, I was hoping he'd shag me. It's been ages since I've been fucked and your brother looks like he'll be a real goer once you get him started."
"Good. God."
He's really tall, too. If the rest of him is in proportion, I'm in for a right good rogering."
"Oh dear GOD."
"Mycroft, are you okay? You're looking a bit green."
"Anthea, please drop Dr. Watson off as far away as possible. In fact, drop him off the face of the planet."
"Hey!"