something tells me that you're too scared...
I cripple myself.
I am so afraid of what comes next - of the future - and I'm so caught up in the past, that I continually prevent myself from any significant achievement. I have all of these self-imposed limits that are designed to preserve stagnation and contain myself in the here and now. It's a choking, stifling suicide mission into the realm of the comfortable.
I don't let things happen to me; I've become so afraid of advancement in any respect of my life, whether it be school, career, music, or relationships. Each time I reach the brink, each time I'm about to spill over into something new, something grand, something at the next level, the fear kicks in - I pull back. I could fail - I may not be the student, writer, teacher, musician, or lover that I ought to be, or that I expect of myself. I feel as though I’m living on a permanent cusp.
And still I'm torn. In many ways I love where my life has taken me. All of the great people I've met in the last few years, and I mean all, are irreplaceable and I wouldn't have received the opportunity to meet these people had I become ultra noble and took off to some stereotypical college after high school. For that, I am grateful.
But now I'm older. No longer 18, no longer willing to succumb to whim and apathy - I want more. My love for this state is matched only by my boredom - by the sinking feeling that I'm going to end up another victim of the auto industry - another slave to Ford, GM, Chrysler - helplessly watching as out-sourcing and a dead economy strangle the life from the Motor City and eventually, the Motor State. This is the crisis of our generation. Michigan's best and brightest will be forced to leave in search of greener pastures, like a starving herd hunting for vegetation, and after that exodus, we'll have nothing left - nothing for potential children except crumbling, rusted cities and at the very least, a few low paying manufacturing jobs. Instead of inheriting the wars of our fathers like former generations, we're inheriting the careers of our fathers - and it could kill us.
I am capable. I know this. I feel as if I have more potential than many people who have achieved success - we all do. I've seen it in every single person I know. The question is, will we have the constitution, the mental fortitude to reach beyond this cluster of counties? Maybe we can save Michigan, maybe we can't, but we can save ourselves, right?
Will I possess the constitution and mental fortitude to do so? God knows I'm trying. One crawl after the other, I'm overcoming that fear. I want the future. I want success, not so much on an economic level, but on a more spiritual and intellectually fulfilling plane. I can only hope that I haven't thrown opportunity away yet - that with continued time and self-discovery I can reclaim what was once mine, or what could have been mine.
Mistakes do not define me. They were simply things I needed to explore.
I am so afraid of what comes next - of the future - and I'm so caught up in the past, that I continually prevent myself from any significant achievement. I have all of these self-imposed limits that are designed to preserve stagnation and contain myself in the here and now. It's a choking, stifling suicide mission into the realm of the comfortable.
I don't let things happen to me; I've become so afraid of advancement in any respect of my life, whether it be school, career, music, or relationships. Each time I reach the brink, each time I'm about to spill over into something new, something grand, something at the next level, the fear kicks in - I pull back. I could fail - I may not be the student, writer, teacher, musician, or lover that I ought to be, or that I expect of myself. I feel as though I’m living on a permanent cusp.
And still I'm torn. In many ways I love where my life has taken me. All of the great people I've met in the last few years, and I mean all, are irreplaceable and I wouldn't have received the opportunity to meet these people had I become ultra noble and took off to some stereotypical college after high school. For that, I am grateful.
But now I'm older. No longer 18, no longer willing to succumb to whim and apathy - I want more. My love for this state is matched only by my boredom - by the sinking feeling that I'm going to end up another victim of the auto industry - another slave to Ford, GM, Chrysler - helplessly watching as out-sourcing and a dead economy strangle the life from the Motor City and eventually, the Motor State. This is the crisis of our generation. Michigan's best and brightest will be forced to leave in search of greener pastures, like a starving herd hunting for vegetation, and after that exodus, we'll have nothing left - nothing for potential children except crumbling, rusted cities and at the very least, a few low paying manufacturing jobs. Instead of inheriting the wars of our fathers like former generations, we're inheriting the careers of our fathers - and it could kill us.
I am capable. I know this. I feel as if I have more potential than many people who have achieved success - we all do. I've seen it in every single person I know. The question is, will we have the constitution, the mental fortitude to reach beyond this cluster of counties? Maybe we can save Michigan, maybe we can't, but we can save ourselves, right?
Will I possess the constitution and mental fortitude to do so? God knows I'm trying. One crawl after the other, I'm overcoming that fear. I want the future. I want success, not so much on an economic level, but on a more spiritual and intellectually fulfilling plane. I can only hope that I haven't thrown opportunity away yet - that with continued time and self-discovery I can reclaim what was once mine, or what could have been mine.
Mistakes do not define me. They were simply things I needed to explore.