backdated: a rather weighty issue
SATURDAY, 23 MAY 2009
When I'm with a new client, or a new lover, or if I'm just having a self-concious sort of day, I get a bit nervous stripping down. I make sure my panties are smoothed over my belly in a way that disguises the way it curves to my pubic hair. I am pleased and flattered when I see how hard they are, or how wet, and their enjoyment of my flesh in turn gets me turned on.
It likely doesn't help my insecurity that most of the people I play with are average to slender, and incredibly hot in that they-turn-heads-when-they-walk-down-the-street sort of way. I sleep with arm candy, and it still comes to a surprise to me when they want me, though I of course disguise that with arrogance because there's nothing as trite as the girl who doesn't like her body. Anyway, I wouldn't say I don't like it- I do, we go through a lot together, it and I, and I have few complaints- I think I feel uncertain of it, more, unsure that it's up to par. But the fact that, time and time again, I can flirt hard with someone I like and they flirt back really empowers and invigorates me. That's possibly one of the things I like best about the UK. The dandies and riot grrls I like are within reach in a way they feel unattainable in the States. There, I'm just fat- here, I'm luscious.
I was reading Girl with a One Track Mind, and she said something I really liked:
"And likewise, I hope, one day, to meet someone who wants me just the way I am - a clumsy, awkward, dork - and, who, when he knows I am hungry, will offer, “Sushi or my cock, darling?” and take pleasure from me enjoying either."
I can only point, and nod my agreement. And I have to say, while sex work in the States sometimes was amazing and sometimes made me feel really shit about myself (like the calls I'd get about being a fat cow and how could I expect to work looking like I did... gee, thanks) working here in the UK is really where I've come into my own. I feel sexy in a way I never felt sure of before. I feel comfortable in my skin. And while I still go into the habit of adjusting my panties to hide my belly a bit, I no longer shy away from the mirror. Remind me, again, why this is degrading..?
When I'm with a new client, or a new lover, or if I'm just having a self-concious sort of day, I get a bit nervous stripping down. I make sure my panties are smoothed over my belly in a way that disguises the way it curves to my pubic hair. I am pleased and flattered when I see how hard they are, or how wet, and their enjoyment of my flesh in turn gets me turned on.
It likely doesn't help my insecurity that most of the people I play with are average to slender, and incredibly hot in that they-turn-heads-when-they-walk-down-the-street sort of way. I sleep with arm candy, and it still comes to a surprise to me when they want me, though I of course disguise that with arrogance because there's nothing as trite as the girl who doesn't like her body. Anyway, I wouldn't say I don't like it- I do, we go through a lot together, it and I, and I have few complaints- I think I feel uncertain of it, more, unsure that it's up to par. But the fact that, time and time again, I can flirt hard with someone I like and they flirt back really empowers and invigorates me. That's possibly one of the things I like best about the UK. The dandies and riot grrls I like are within reach in a way they feel unattainable in the States. There, I'm just fat- here, I'm luscious.
I was reading Girl with a One Track Mind, and she said something I really liked:
"And likewise, I hope, one day, to meet someone who wants me just the way I am - a clumsy, awkward, dork - and, who, when he knows I am hungry, will offer, “Sushi or my cock, darling?” and take pleasure from me enjoying either."
I can only point, and nod my agreement. And I have to say, while sex work in the States sometimes was amazing and sometimes made me feel really shit about myself (like the calls I'd get about being a fat cow and how could I expect to work looking like I did... gee, thanks) working here in the UK is really where I've come into my own. I feel sexy in a way I never felt sure of before. I feel comfortable in my skin. And while I still go into the habit of adjusting my panties to hide my belly a bit, I no longer shy away from the mirror. Remind me, again, why this is degrading..?