Insomniac Sex - Staceyann Chin
Long time
since this mark of death by no sleep visited me
last time I was in my twenties
I could hardly sleep for the turning
tossing me this way
fucking that person
and everyone thinking
that is way is no way for a young lady to live
Jack Rabbit/turtle/hare
puss/dog and everything in between
cross a line and watch that wire get tighter
and tighter round your neck
I wish I had fucked more when I was younger
blue waters and warm flavors
flesh on tongue
salt and rock
the Caribbean has always been hard on me
expatriate
runaway/nobody want to claim that girl
unless they don't know her
strangers follow her leading them down an alley
with little or no light
from afar I am a firefly
pulling at some poor thing in flight
up close
I am my own tragedy
drunk on pity and a baby that nobody else but me wants to birth
nothing makes sense in this pitch night
hugging bone and finger pointing
laughing
I feel everyone always laughing at this odd girl
colors flying scarves and light feet
I want to take my shoes off
and race my brother through a canefield
the familiar itch making us irritable
nothing else to making us sweat
but the sun beating down on me
he always beat me
fast as he was I lagged short pace floundering
falling behind
Why the fuck can't I catch up
split/crack/divide
I am in constant competition with the things I did not do
the people who never loved me enough to stay
to consider me
my mother
my father will die a stranger to me
biology has always failed me
why should it be any different now
except for blind hope
some call that shit faith
wish I could buy some from the religiously devout
if I wasn't so damned cynical
I could be praise worshipping some white man with gold hair
and thinking death will open the curtains of some great answer
to why we live
who the fuck knows what will happen when I stop breathing
take sleep mark death
my demons are roaring today
flag and country
exile and loss
love and war is only metaphors for what we long for
connection
I want you to fuck me when it turns dark
spark me an undoing
splay me
in the light of day
lay me flat and fulfilled
take me/convince me/my pussy is the only thing you need
between your finger
and my fury
we must find a way forward
fuck what the fools looking on/will say
take what you will
leave me nothing I can use against you
ignore my fears convulsing through my intentions
find what really lies beneath
here
under the rubble
under what no one else sees
here lies a fractured footrest
muddy with years of use
wash me/tears and sorrows/blow me
pound the horror of all you know about me
sound the crass alarm
fuck me hard
fuck me careless
fuck me senseless
fuck me/blue
fuck me
until all these lies I have told you
become true
since this mark of death by no sleep visited me
last time I was in my twenties
I could hardly sleep for the turning
tossing me this way
fucking that person
and everyone thinking
that is way is no way for a young lady to live
Jack Rabbit/turtle/hare
puss/dog and everything in between
cross a line and watch that wire get tighter
and tighter round your neck
I wish I had fucked more when I was younger
blue waters and warm flavors
flesh on tongue
salt and rock
the Caribbean has always been hard on me
expatriate
runaway/nobody want to claim that girl
unless they don't know her
strangers follow her leading them down an alley
with little or no light
from afar I am a firefly
pulling at some poor thing in flight
up close
I am my own tragedy
drunk on pity and a baby that nobody else but me wants to birth
nothing makes sense in this pitch night
hugging bone and finger pointing
laughing
I feel everyone always laughing at this odd girl
colors flying scarves and light feet
I want to take my shoes off
and race my brother through a canefield
the familiar itch making us irritable
nothing else to making us sweat
but the sun beating down on me
he always beat me
fast as he was I lagged short pace floundering
falling behind
Why the fuck can't I catch up
split/crack/divide
I am in constant competition with the things I did not do
the people who never loved me enough to stay
to consider me
my mother
my father will die a stranger to me
biology has always failed me
why should it be any different now
except for blind hope
some call that shit faith
wish I could buy some from the religiously devout
if I wasn't so damned cynical
I could be praise worshipping some white man with gold hair
and thinking death will open the curtains of some great answer
to why we live
who the fuck knows what will happen when I stop breathing
take sleep mark death
my demons are roaring today
flag and country
exile and loss
love and war is only metaphors for what we long for
connection
I want you to fuck me when it turns dark
spark me an undoing
splay me
in the light of day
lay me flat and fulfilled
take me/convince me/my pussy is the only thing you need
between your finger
and my fury
we must find a way forward
fuck what the fools looking on/will say
take what you will
leave me nothing I can use against you
ignore my fears convulsing through my intentions
find what really lies beneath
here
under the rubble
under what no one else sees
here lies a fractured footrest
muddy with years of use
wash me/tears and sorrows/blow me
pound the horror of all you know about me
sound the crass alarm
fuck me hard
fuck me careless
fuck me senseless
fuck me/blue
fuck me
until all these lies I have told you
become true