The Bitter Solstice
June 19th, 2008.
Previously…
Life was properly grand. I had a job, a new car, a decent place to live (safe, quiet, and location-wise was nearly perfect). I even had a girlfriend. I know, it's funny, but it was true. Fun and happiness for 9 months then I suddenly got hit with a 2x4. And then I got kicked to the curb for nothing and became single and bitter and angry. She didn't matter much anyway if the relationship wasn't going to last. That's how this reality works. I wasn't at all happy about it-but that's the past, and it's time to move on.
My mates and I still hung out at our usual spots downtown, usually Pine Street Bar & Grille, Cleo's, or even Antigua for sentimentality's sake. My official drink changed from Jack & Coke to Vodka & Cranberry or Vodka & Red Bull. Good stuff, and nicer on my aging system. My billiards playing skill got a little better, but I usually needed a shot to jumpstart my talent (or lack thereof, depending on who you asked).
That was my life, up until the sudden and ridiculous kicking to the curb. Oh, other things, forgot about everything else! I got stuck in a pattern of what some would consider normal life. Lots of traveling for work, work, and more work. Gina was going to be married in a day. Her fiancée, Jose, was a cool cat in my book, and didn't have any issues with me, so I gave her my blessing. My baby sister, married? All kinds of cool!
With her marriage, I'm the last of the trio (I'm the oldest, which is funny and kind of sad) to be solo. My family has always given me grief for that, but from what I've seen of my past relationships, it's not a priority, not a desire, and something that could be considered a colossal waste of time. Maybe it's because I'm never in one place for too long, maybe it's the way I'm wired, or maybe it's just because I'm not that guy. I don't know, I'll probably never know. It doesn't matter anymore anyway.
In other news, I finally got my big screen TV. 46" Vizio. Freaking huge. And I also got a Playstation 3 along with Grand Theft Auto 4. But since I haven't been home a lot, there's not a lot of playing time that I've gotten in. Hell, I didn't even watch much television in the first place. But it's nice when I do. GTA4 is tremendous.
Oh, and the reason for my lack of blogging. Well, it was the relationship thing. If I ever get in another one, and totally vanish, then that's why. New rule. I also got into politics big time. Yes, I'm a proud Barack Obama supporter. In the beginning of the primaries, I had no idea who I was going to support. After doing exhaustive research, I ended up picking him, and I was shocked when he won Iowa.
Yes, the race went on long, but it's a good thing. Sort of. On one end, Clinton put him through the wringer with every trick in the old school book. But here we are. So yes, every now I then I got political, but not too much. I've only posted one diary on dailyKos, so I'm not that much of a freak for it. Okay, maybe I am, because I've been such a lurker over there.
What else…hmm. Nope that's about it. That's enough of a prologue, I think. A primer, if you well. So new status quo? Same as before. Single, loads of good mates, a car that can take me nearly anywhere, and a whole new outlook on life in general. The future's tough (it always is). But I ponder that I'm a whole lot tougher. I have to be.
And Now…
Breakups. We've all had them, we've all dealt with them. I won't talk about it too much because it's what it is. It's like the stages of grief. Deal with it and move on. Still didn't mean I still liked it. I was at home sitting on the couch. The TV was on, but I wasn't watching it. It was on MSNBC and one of the talking heads was chattering and it was like the noise was all gone. I was in my head again, thinking about what to do next.
Saying, "Just move on" is a coping strategy that I always practiced. It was usually reliable for me all my life. It was the how that was elusive this time. Yes, I could go about things like nothing ever happened. That was the easiest. But in the end I was still going to be in my default position, that of the perpetual bachelor. And what was a guy tied to that role going to do about it?
My mum always said that I should stop going out and partying, that that's what put me in this predicament. She could be far from the truth. So wrong. We'd argue and she'd come up with a lot other things that I could do to put myself on the market again. I told her there was no market and I'm not in it.
She went down the laundry list of places I should've been looking. I wasn't even looking-looking's a waste of time, just let the magic happen and if does, enjoy it before it goes away-because it will go away; it always does. But my mum being my mum, she said it anyway, going through a list of romantic first moments pilfered straight out of every possible cheesy chick flick or love story imaginable. I would always laugh, and tell her goodbye and that was it.
Mi Madre's silly strategies were completely and utterly fiction-but it was nice of her to try, I always guessed. While she believed in the impossible, I was still sitting on the couch, staring off into nothingness. Yes, I could see through the blinds to the outside world, but I wasn't looking. I wanted to rage and be loud and shout at the top of my lungs, but that would've been pointless, and the ex would've won.
The staring into nothing bit got really old to me, and I wasn't going to spend a perfectly fine evening wasting away on the couch. I hadn't had dinner (or lunch, for that matter), but I wasn't hungry. There was only one thing to do about this moping evening. And that was to go out and party it up. It was time to make with the happy. If that couldn't cure me, nothing would.
I got suited up and headed for Pine Street, as usual. It was still around happy hour, so I could at least lounge for a bit and not get too ridiculous. There was a random guy at the bar who bought the entire bar a round. The shot? A lemon drop. I forgot how sugary they were. But it went down smooth, and I continued to enjoy my Jack & Coke. It wasn't a vodka night, and I wasn't in the mood for that kind of smooth.
I sent Lu a text about the breakup debacle, and he was taken aback by the news. He told me that I'd be okay, and gave a pretty good pep talk, for which I was thankful.
Red popped in and we played a few games of pool. I was trying to focus on my shots, but obviously my attention was elsewhere. I had said that I wasn't going to the wedding because everyone was expecting me to have a date, and it would look pretty damned silly if I showed up solo. But reason set in, along with Red…and I changed my mind. So of course she proceeded to whip my ass in pool. Story of my life.
We also talked about the ex, but I quickly changed the subject. A few of her mates from work called her up and off we were to the apartment to change and to head off to far flung Lake Mary. There was a Dexter's up there, but we kind of got lost trying to get there-and ended up in the really dodgy part of Sanford. Across the tracks, as some say. Suffice to say, we drove in the opposite direction and ended up at our destination.
Dexter's was a cool place. The music was not too poptopia, not too trendy, yet nice, catchy, fun. The people were a bit of that Winter Park hoity toity set, everyone dressed nice, ladies looked great. I was impressed, very impressed. We met up with Red's mates, and we all danced a whole lot.
Later on we ended up at a cigar bar. It was dark and pretty Miami style. I really liked this place as well! The music was excellent, and we ended meeting even more new people. We shared stories about everything, traded business cards, that sort of thing. Keary always told me that networking would get you places, and I figured why not try for once…even though I usually didn't like it. I wasn't a corporate dude.
The evening came to a close, and everyone went their separate ways. I watched the finale of Top Chef (which I DVR'ed…DVR is awesome, that much I must say) and my girl Stephanie won! She was the calmest and coolest of the lot, and pulled it through. Can't say that I'll miss the contemptible Lisa though. Good riddance to her. All in all a great result. The time read 4 am. I crawled into bed thinking there was no way I was going to work tomorrow. But such was life. It giveth, it taketh, and I'm just there to drink it all in.
The new status quo was something I was already used to. I was supposed to meet the ex on Monday, and that was in the back of my mind, but the anger behind my eyes was masking it. Yes, the night was a great release...but there was something missing-something that used to be missing before.
Next: A wild Friday night helps out a lot, but can good friends and a night on the town make things better? Plus, Gina and I talk it all out.