Thank you.
Thank you Kelly for you listening to my..."superficial"...ranting. After contemplating a plethora of things...I have no real friends. I realize that I am sounding redundant, but fuck off if it annoys you. I realize that I am a very private person, and I put on a mask at school to shield what I actually think. As a result, I do not have many close friends.
I have often wondered about people who have gone to the point of suicide due to the pressures and problems the high school society imposes. They have left suicide notes explicitly telling their point of view through life. I can only understand a smidgeon of what goes through their minds. If I let my emotiong get to me, I probably would wind up in the same boat as those people have resulted.
"If I could only have a person that could truly understand me, I could not be more happier. Just that simple wish... No one is there. No one really understands what I am. I know I do good, I do no harm to others on purpose. I do good to be good, to do what I was taught, and what I believe. I have done good, I want to have other people around me happy. I want good things to happen to other people, and I want to help as many people as possible. When I do help, no one helps me in return. Have I ever made a complaint against that? No. I do not have people here to help me, no one has ever helped me. I certainly wish well to others and am concerned for myself being a burden to them, but that same consideration and repect never has been returned to me. If people do not return that consideration and respect...then they will not have a easy time of remembering me. When I am gone, it will be as if a myself have never been noticed. I will kill myself, to a world that does nothing for me in return. When everything is all said and done, no one will have a thought of my presence being gone. I am not afraid to die. For as I have been as helpful to people living, I will be evermore as helpful to them deceased."
Someone wrote that...and the way he wrote that truly applies to how I feel and think. It gives the best avenue to my understanding of my life. That note, is not surprisingly accurate as my life, for I am the person that wrote that. Does that mean I am suicidal? No, but I sure have indulged in that fact that I would not be sorely missed by many people. I probably would be lucky if someone has an inkiling of a thought if someone actually gives a damn. I hate how that idea can be true on many levels, especially with theatre, a group that I love, probably would support that truth. The term backstab comes to mind, and since that is the case...perhaps that letter looks extremely appealing to it becoming fact than thought.
I have often wondered about people who have gone to the point of suicide due to the pressures and problems the high school society imposes. They have left suicide notes explicitly telling their point of view through life. I can only understand a smidgeon of what goes through their minds. If I let my emotiong get to me, I probably would wind up in the same boat as those people have resulted.
"If I could only have a person that could truly understand me, I could not be more happier. Just that simple wish... No one is there. No one really understands what I am. I know I do good, I do no harm to others on purpose. I do good to be good, to do what I was taught, and what I believe. I have done good, I want to have other people around me happy. I want good things to happen to other people, and I want to help as many people as possible. When I do help, no one helps me in return. Have I ever made a complaint against that? No. I do not have people here to help me, no one has ever helped me. I certainly wish well to others and am concerned for myself being a burden to them, but that same consideration and repect never has been returned to me. If people do not return that consideration and respect...then they will not have a easy time of remembering me. When I am gone, it will be as if a myself have never been noticed. I will kill myself, to a world that does nothing for me in return. When everything is all said and done, no one will have a thought of my presence being gone. I am not afraid to die. For as I have been as helpful to people living, I will be evermore as helpful to them deceased."
Someone wrote that...and the way he wrote that truly applies to how I feel and think. It gives the best avenue to my understanding of my life. That note, is not surprisingly accurate as my life, for I am the person that wrote that. Does that mean I am suicidal? No, but I sure have indulged in that fact that I would not be sorely missed by many people. I probably would be lucky if someone has an inkiling of a thought if someone actually gives a damn. I hate how that idea can be true on many levels, especially with theatre, a group that I love, probably would support that truth. The term backstab comes to mind, and since that is the case...perhaps that letter looks extremely appealing to it becoming fact than thought.