Count the swearwords bitch
My god I am so sick of fake happiness. You have no idea. I know SO many people who are sad as all fuck and they just keep smiling and pretending to laugh, not because they want to but because they think they should. How retarded are you people?? Jesus sometimes I think that girls aren't allowed to be unhappy, and guys aren't allowed to be
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People pretend to be happy because they think it makes other people happier. It's kind of a half truth. When around someone that's cheerful and positive it's a natural tendancy to feel pretty good as well, unless envy rears its ugly head. It really seems as though maybe the only enemies are social norms, that work so opposed to your personality and views, and Cameron's. Really, when you come down to it, happiness and saddness are just body chemistry. Endorphins and hormones and neurotransmitters. That sad nerd's joke, if it causes any changes, the good feeling is still just the release of a chemical in your brain, if you look at it solely on a physical level. So what's the difference if the chemical reaction comes from an outside source? It's basically like having imported food. If the physical part of feeling good comes solely from chemicals. When you look at nations in the world today you see that very few (if any) are self reliant, they have a tendancy to specialize in producing what they can and total overall global production increases. Possibly a bad analogy. Still, this would only be the physical part of the pleasure. Maybe the work and performance thought required to tell and understand a sad nerds joke give it some sort of "spiritual" component to the raw physical pleasure it produces. That's something no one really knows for certain. It's possible to elaborate on all of this, but really that seems like something anyone who wants to can do on their own time.
It's always been somewhat hard for me to communicate with Cameron. Conversations between him and myself alone tend to go on for about 5 lines before one or both of us give up on them. And it's pretty much always been that way. I have wondered, and occassionally claimed that maybe we're too harsh on Cameron, and I'm still not sure we are. I tried to talk with him a few days ago, and he just said he was bored. I suggested he play a game, the conversation magically ended, and he's tried to kill himself. I think I can understand the feeling, when everything seems pointless and it seems like there's nothing left to do and life is pain and we're not amused. Seriously though, Cameron needs a good hobby, and some friends to share it with. Maybe someone to talk with also...but he won't talk with me.
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Yeah Cameron's gotta be safe before he starts talking freely I think, much like everyone else. I know it wasn't us though, we are nothing compared to his family. Friends can't replace family, no matter how hard they try, unless they actually become the family, which is something different. And don't we ALL need a good hobby? And someone to talk to? And friends to share it with?
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