Turn around
I'm hoping that things will start to turn around for me this week because there is no where to go other than up from where I'm at.
I attempted to have a civil text conversation with Toby yesterday. Dawn and Mark don't understand why I needed to try to do this, but if you talk to someone every day for a year and then suddenly they are just gone there is a loss there. And love doesn't dissapear over night - well.. some does as he proved - but true, real love doesn't and that's what I had. I thought maybe I'd sleep better if I had a talk with him. I just need sleep... Nope. Up until 3 am, wide awake and upset. It sucks.
I got the comment last night from Mark when I was trying to explain why I was talking to Toby that I shouldn't come crying to them when he breaks my heart again... I don't think it'll mend from this break enough to break again for a while.
I said to Toby last night:
"Just because we are having this conversation doesn't mean I hurt any less."
He replied, "It will get better."
To which I said, "It doesn't feel like it will. I don't think you could ever understand how much I hurt."
He replied, "I know"
And that was the end of the night.
*sigh*
I am out of my medication and I don't have the cash yet to go to the doctor to get it represcribed. I see big pain coming soon, like doubling over pain. I am still waiting on the proceeds of the condo closing - they should be in the bank today so I should have the money to go see a doctor soon, it's just they will charge an arm and a leg since I have no insurance now. I could try to get my medication online without a prescription - but I have no idea where to go to do this. I'm sure it can be done though.
I had a bowl of life cereal this morning. I want another. It's so yummy.
So now I fall asleep with the TV on at night. I kinda need it to sleep lately which is sad. Anyway, in the middle of the night I had this dream that someone was chasing me because I had these really rare coins with holograms on them. I woke up a bit later after lots of cloak and dagger in the dream, and found that I had on QVC and they were pushing coins. :) hehe.
Today I want to get a bunch done, and I would like to find out if there is an art store in this town. I'm sure there is cause of the college, but I'm not going into Varney's where Toby works so that kinda limits where I can find brushes, paint and canvas when I have the money for it. I feel the need to be creative now that I'm all emotional and stuff. I have about 2 inches of my crocheting done - it doesn't sound like much but it's gonna be an blanket and it's about 5ft long and now 2 inches wide only in 2 days of working on it when I had nothing else to do.
Well... have a good day.
I attempted to have a civil text conversation with Toby yesterday. Dawn and Mark don't understand why I needed to try to do this, but if you talk to someone every day for a year and then suddenly they are just gone there is a loss there. And love doesn't dissapear over night - well.. some does as he proved - but true, real love doesn't and that's what I had. I thought maybe I'd sleep better if I had a talk with him. I just need sleep... Nope. Up until 3 am, wide awake and upset. It sucks.
I got the comment last night from Mark when I was trying to explain why I was talking to Toby that I shouldn't come crying to them when he breaks my heart again... I don't think it'll mend from this break enough to break again for a while.
I said to Toby last night:
"Just because we are having this conversation doesn't mean I hurt any less."
He replied, "It will get better."
To which I said, "It doesn't feel like it will. I don't think you could ever understand how much I hurt."
He replied, "I know"
And that was the end of the night.
*sigh*
I am out of my medication and I don't have the cash yet to go to the doctor to get it represcribed. I see big pain coming soon, like doubling over pain. I am still waiting on the proceeds of the condo closing - they should be in the bank today so I should have the money to go see a doctor soon, it's just they will charge an arm and a leg since I have no insurance now. I could try to get my medication online without a prescription - but I have no idea where to go to do this. I'm sure it can be done though.
I had a bowl of life cereal this morning. I want another. It's so yummy.
So now I fall asleep with the TV on at night. I kinda need it to sleep lately which is sad. Anyway, in the middle of the night I had this dream that someone was chasing me because I had these really rare coins with holograms on them. I woke up a bit later after lots of cloak and dagger in the dream, and found that I had on QVC and they were pushing coins. :) hehe.
Today I want to get a bunch done, and I would like to find out if there is an art store in this town. I'm sure there is cause of the college, but I'm not going into Varney's where Toby works so that kinda limits where I can find brushes, paint and canvas when I have the money for it. I feel the need to be creative now that I'm all emotional and stuff. I have about 2 inches of my crocheting done - it doesn't sound like much but it's gonna be an blanket and it's about 5ft long and now 2 inches wide only in 2 days of working on it when I had nothing else to do.
Well... have a good day.