Kiss of Death - 7th chapter - Putting Holes In Happiness
God is killing me... I just had to say that, 'cause it's true.... Long story - gonna tell you other time. Let's read!
Notice: Hellsing and it's characters DO NOT belong to me!
For me the day started with the sun fall - friends always made fun of me because of that. I recall them making vampire jokes - my favourite one was the one about me meeting a vampire and going with him to Transylvania to chase bats… I guess they just couldn't imagine me chasing unicorns with a rainbow in the background, not that I can imagine it. But why am I thinking about this kind of nonescene right now? I shall never know.
"Good morning… or should I say evening?" I greeted when I came to Integra's office. "Good evening." My body froze for a moment and I turned my eyes to the darkness where I could faintly see Alucard. I didn't know how to react and so I just smiled. I smiled with my whole heart because this is Alucard - my God. "Omen, let me introduce you to miss Victoria. She will keep an eye on you tonight." Miss Victoria was a woman that looked innocent and porcelain-like, but when I looked closer I noticed something shocking - she was a vampire. But she was very different from the vampire I fell in love with.
"I figured you'll need clothes of your own so I'm sending you with miss Victoria for a little trip." Integra continued, telling me details and other things I didn't care about. I was sad that Alucard can't be the one going with me and I know that whole London would end up in absolute chaos if he'd go but still… "It's pleasure to finally meet you, master Alucard and sir Hellsing told me about you." We shook hands, but that was all, at least for now. I wonder if it was true that Alucard spoken of me - and if he did, what he said about me. "Your car is waiting outside, you should go."
That broken my thoughts and I came back to reality, but oh, how I love the world outside this box which is chained with rules and logic. How I love it, my God, when you force my spirit out of here and then back, mixing this reality with fantasy, life with death and romance with horror. You even mixed water with blood and turned it into wine. Vampire… you truly are a god.
"Omen?" "Huh?" I found myself looking at a pair of red eyes which, sadly, didn't belong to Alucard. Miss Victoria seemed a bit nervous - or was I just imaging things again? "Something wrong Miss Victoria?" I had to make sure I'm not mad - or madder then I already am. "Seras's fine. And it's nothing." She tried to assure me with a smile - in that moment I realized she is probably the most human vampire I'll ever meet. "May I ask you something?" With those words I started a real conversation. "Of course!" She gave me another of those friendly smiles - I can't imagine Alucard smiling like this, I must say - and I voiced my question that is running wildly in my mind from the point when I met her. "What did you mean by master Alucard?" Alucard is probably called a monster by those who are ignorant and scared to death, then he is called a servant by Integra and a God by me but I didn't hear anyone call him master yet.
"He made me." Was the silent answer, and Lucifer, my hot blood turned to ice. I felt unloved - I know it's only a game but I do not wish to be reminded of that fact - and cheated. My God, I beg you, stop playing with my heart. And I know this is an over-used sentence but still - What have I ever done to you? Why, Alucard, why are you doing this to me? "Why?" It was a weak cry, spoken in whisper and the most tragic about it is that this time my God won't answer me. "Well… in short… A vampire used me as a shield and master had to shot me to get to the vampire… so he let me choose if I want to die or live a life as a vampire." Was the answer I was given - it may not be an answer from the God, but it pleases me anyhow. "If you can call it a life, of course…" She finished with a small note which made me smile. "I believe it's called unlife."
That night I understood that we humans, even if we were born to love and were given hearts for that, the most easiest thing we know how to do is to hate - and how strongly and much we can hate. We are as bad as vampires, some of us even dare to call them monsters - but the real monsters are us, humans, because they were born to kill unlike us - and we kill carelessly each other day and night - such a madness, such a tragedy. We all deserve to rot in Hell.
The night was getting old when we came back and there was just one person on my mind. I wanted to see him badly and so I left my body move on it's own and before I knew it I was already holding him tightly - my sanity is in danger I believe - that sinful mouth against my skin damaging it, but God, please, don't ever stop! My mouth was so close to his ear - it made me want to speak - I closed my eyes and whispered words, those from deepest chambers of my heart, and how I was scared - I don't really know why. "Alucard… When I die and my soul'll go to Hell… Will you chase after it?" His lips left my skin (or what was left of it) and looked at me with those red, red eyes like blood. In the silence I could hear my breath - I could hear how I'm trembling - and I was praying for an answer. But his lips weren't moving - those lips are tempting me - and I was on the edge of tears. I needed his answer, him so why isn't there a reply - is he ignoring me? I was lost at what to do and so I moved, pressing my body against his my lips begging for his, but my God didn't answer my prayers this time - my mouth touched his ice-cold skin and I felt tears - my tears falling down my cheeks - my God broke my heart, forced me to wake up from the sweet dream he gave me and denied me this one egoistic wish. I never wanted him to kiss me back, I just wanted his lips for a heartbeat or a blink of an eye - not longer. I wanted to cry, scream, yell at him but I held it all inside, covering my mouth with hands just to be sure not a sound will escape from my lips.
How could he watch me with such a calm, it almost looked as if he regretted it. But it was too late for those lips to act… "Omen…" "NO!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran - ran away from him, ran to hide - just like a child I ran to my room and hid under the blankets crying my eyes out until my cries turned to a lullaby and I fell to sleep hoping, believing that when I wake everything that happened that night will turn into a bad dream - a nightmare.
Notice: Hellsing and it's characters DO NOT belong to me!
For me the day started with the sun fall - friends always made fun of me because of that. I recall them making vampire jokes - my favourite one was the one about me meeting a vampire and going with him to Transylvania to chase bats… I guess they just couldn't imagine me chasing unicorns with a rainbow in the background, not that I can imagine it. But why am I thinking about this kind of nonescene right now? I shall never know.
"Good morning… or should I say evening?" I greeted when I came to Integra's office. "Good evening." My body froze for a moment and I turned my eyes to the darkness where I could faintly see Alucard. I didn't know how to react and so I just smiled. I smiled with my whole heart because this is Alucard - my God. "Omen, let me introduce you to miss Victoria. She will keep an eye on you tonight." Miss Victoria was a woman that looked innocent and porcelain-like, but when I looked closer I noticed something shocking - she was a vampire. But she was very different from the vampire I fell in love with.
"I figured you'll need clothes of your own so I'm sending you with miss Victoria for a little trip." Integra continued, telling me details and other things I didn't care about. I was sad that Alucard can't be the one going with me and I know that whole London would end up in absolute chaos if he'd go but still… "It's pleasure to finally meet you, master Alucard and sir Hellsing told me about you." We shook hands, but that was all, at least for now. I wonder if it was true that Alucard spoken of me - and if he did, what he said about me. "Your car is waiting outside, you should go."
That broken my thoughts and I came back to reality, but oh, how I love the world outside this box which is chained with rules and logic. How I love it, my God, when you force my spirit out of here and then back, mixing this reality with fantasy, life with death and romance with horror. You even mixed water with blood and turned it into wine. Vampire… you truly are a god.
"Omen?" "Huh?" I found myself looking at a pair of red eyes which, sadly, didn't belong to Alucard. Miss Victoria seemed a bit nervous - or was I just imaging things again? "Something wrong Miss Victoria?" I had to make sure I'm not mad - or madder then I already am. "Seras's fine. And it's nothing." She tried to assure me with a smile - in that moment I realized she is probably the most human vampire I'll ever meet. "May I ask you something?" With those words I started a real conversation. "Of course!" She gave me another of those friendly smiles - I can't imagine Alucard smiling like this, I must say - and I voiced my question that is running wildly in my mind from the point when I met her. "What did you mean by master Alucard?" Alucard is probably called a monster by those who are ignorant and scared to death, then he is called a servant by Integra and a God by me but I didn't hear anyone call him master yet.
"He made me." Was the silent answer, and Lucifer, my hot blood turned to ice. I felt unloved - I know it's only a game but I do not wish to be reminded of that fact - and cheated. My God, I beg you, stop playing with my heart. And I know this is an over-used sentence but still - What have I ever done to you? Why, Alucard, why are you doing this to me? "Why?" It was a weak cry, spoken in whisper and the most tragic about it is that this time my God won't answer me. "Well… in short… A vampire used me as a shield and master had to shot me to get to the vampire… so he let me choose if I want to die or live a life as a vampire." Was the answer I was given - it may not be an answer from the God, but it pleases me anyhow. "If you can call it a life, of course…" She finished with a small note which made me smile. "I believe it's called unlife."
That night I understood that we humans, even if we were born to love and were given hearts for that, the most easiest thing we know how to do is to hate - and how strongly and much we can hate. We are as bad as vampires, some of us even dare to call them monsters - but the real monsters are us, humans, because they were born to kill unlike us - and we kill carelessly each other day and night - such a madness, such a tragedy. We all deserve to rot in Hell.
The night was getting old when we came back and there was just one person on my mind. I wanted to see him badly and so I left my body move on it's own and before I knew it I was already holding him tightly - my sanity is in danger I believe - that sinful mouth against my skin damaging it, but God, please, don't ever stop! My mouth was so close to his ear - it made me want to speak - I closed my eyes and whispered words, those from deepest chambers of my heart, and how I was scared - I don't really know why. "Alucard… When I die and my soul'll go to Hell… Will you chase after it?" His lips left my skin (or what was left of it) and looked at me with those red, red eyes like blood. In the silence I could hear my breath - I could hear how I'm trembling - and I was praying for an answer. But his lips weren't moving - those lips are tempting me - and I was on the edge of tears. I needed his answer, him so why isn't there a reply - is he ignoring me? I was lost at what to do and so I moved, pressing my body against his my lips begging for his, but my God didn't answer my prayers this time - my mouth touched his ice-cold skin and I felt tears - my tears falling down my cheeks - my God broke my heart, forced me to wake up from the sweet dream he gave me and denied me this one egoistic wish. I never wanted him to kiss me back, I just wanted his lips for a heartbeat or a blink of an eye - not longer. I wanted to cry, scream, yell at him but I held it all inside, covering my mouth with hands just to be sure not a sound will escape from my lips.
How could he watch me with such a calm, it almost looked as if he regretted it. But it was too late for those lips to act… "Omen…" "NO!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran - ran away from him, ran to hide - just like a child I ran to my room and hid under the blankets crying my eyes out until my cries turned to a lullaby and I fell to sleep hoping, believing that when I wake everything that happened that night will turn into a bad dream - a nightmare.