Mental Health Update
I have been in denial until today.
All I thought was whenever I am at work and my panic attacks are severe, I usually hit myself or slap myself in the face to refocus. At times when it is just too tough, I cry out of nowhere.
Today, that happened. I found out that our lazy co-worker, who left the school in the middle of the school year, acted as a freeloader. Dude thought that her clearance will be accomplished if she will ride on my hard work. I have forgiven her, well not towards her, because I wanted to be free from such feelings yet she pushed my buttons too hard hence I voiced out my concern to the school admin. Good thing they listened and will demand that freeloader to do her part. If she will retaliate, she better do ALL THOSE STUFF! Unfortunately, and I hope not, she might have seen my works. Whatever reason, she must do it HERSELF.
Another blow to my mental health was a friend who borrowed money from me, promised to give it back as a certain date, then kept pushing that back due to "no resources." The fudge! Out of being a friend while she was acting as a fucken boo boo fixer to his no balls boyfriend, and me being an idiot, I kept doing "errands" - especially paying off those people whom she also borrowed money from. Well at first it was okay but when she kept insisting (even if I was not asking) that "the money that you will withdrew is not yet my payment to you" and the constant "uncalled errands" that involves money with out asking "could you please...", seriously am done. I gave her a warning and emotional blows that I my post grad enrollment and my parents' anniv are on the line if she will not pay. Gawd, that friendship bubble just went down the drain... I really have no care towards her since she won't even give me updates on when does she intend to pay for it.
Its just sad... I mean I do not deserve this! I worked hard (well too hard) and was loyal yet this is what I get?
Anyways I learn. All things happen for a reason right?
I need to find my center again and heal myself.