A never ending thought, a fatal decision...........
One part of me has also been heavily confused for a while now about a decision I have been heavily pondering over. I decided about 2 months ago not to go out with Megan whether it was the right decision the decision is not something I really regret with how I felt at the time however I do heavily regret the way that I did it and the length of time and potential mindgames I could of played with her in the time. I'm looking back at why I decided against it and I came to the conclusion that I did have some love and interest but I decided against it because I felt it wasn't enough at the time.
I made the decision due to a few reasons, the first and main reason I decided on at the time was that I wasn't feeling like that I was falling that in love with her, there was a nice comforting feeling but I didn't get that addictive feeling of missing her insanely straight away. The other problem was I came to new realisations and ideas on love after Holly proved to be another pathetically short failed attempt on love, I promised myself not to simply just date the next girl who threw herself onto me.
There was nothing really wrong with Megan admitting and confessing her love for me, if anything I was quite honoured when anyone does it, particular in the case of Megan. The problem was she was the first, this meant that it made it much more significant as I wasn't heavily falling for her, since while I didn't have anybody in mind at the time, I definitely wanted to leave that option open in case there was somebody in the future that could have.
I have left the option for a significant amount of time, which has left me both time to think about my decision although it was also to consider or pursue any other love interests that could arise. In this time I have kept my eyes open and haven't seen anyone that I have felt has been special or amazing. During this time Megan has definitely been a thought and very recently I've heavily been starting to think about her a lot more.
It's not something out of desperation, if it was, I wouldn't have bothered with a post like this and just proceeded to ask her out yet I feel that making a rash and stupid decision like this would only hurt our friendship in the long-term or even in the short-term too. It's an area I want to be a bit careful in, since I'm being sure to decypher the reasons why I'm potentially developing an interest for her again, this weekend has been quite helpful by being a lot more chilled out to actual start to figure this area out.
I'm not sure where to here from now, one part of me has come to the decision that I'm interested I should go for it but it's not something I'm not 100% sure yet, going into a relationship that you're not 100% sure on is extremely suicidal as soon as something goes wrong and will do an immense amount of damage to our friendship. This is even if I will even get the chance, as I was given a chance very early on and handled it in a way that dragged things out and caused far too much pain that I would definitely understand from her side of things that it isn't really worth trying all over again.
Regardless of what happens, I think that the whole bachelor/playboy side in me (not that really anything has after Holly) seems to be dead and single life is now seeming a lot less appealing these days and I'm quite happy to settle down now. It's been a difficult post to write, I'm just really glad I've had the time and a clear head to finally get it all out there.
I made the decision due to a few reasons, the first and main reason I decided on at the time was that I wasn't feeling like that I was falling that in love with her, there was a nice comforting feeling but I didn't get that addictive feeling of missing her insanely straight away. The other problem was I came to new realisations and ideas on love after Holly proved to be another pathetically short failed attempt on love, I promised myself not to simply just date the next girl who threw herself onto me.
There was nothing really wrong with Megan admitting and confessing her love for me, if anything I was quite honoured when anyone does it, particular in the case of Megan. The problem was she was the first, this meant that it made it much more significant as I wasn't heavily falling for her, since while I didn't have anybody in mind at the time, I definitely wanted to leave that option open in case there was somebody in the future that could have.
I have left the option for a significant amount of time, which has left me both time to think about my decision although it was also to consider or pursue any other love interests that could arise. In this time I have kept my eyes open and haven't seen anyone that I have felt has been special or amazing. During this time Megan has definitely been a thought and very recently I've heavily been starting to think about her a lot more.
It's not something out of desperation, if it was, I wouldn't have bothered with a post like this and just proceeded to ask her out yet I feel that making a rash and stupid decision like this would only hurt our friendship in the long-term or even in the short-term too. It's an area I want to be a bit careful in, since I'm being sure to decypher the reasons why I'm potentially developing an interest for her again, this weekend has been quite helpful by being a lot more chilled out to actual start to figure this area out.
I'm not sure where to here from now, one part of me has come to the decision that I'm interested I should go for it but it's not something I'm not 100% sure yet, going into a relationship that you're not 100% sure on is extremely suicidal as soon as something goes wrong and will do an immense amount of damage to our friendship. This is even if I will even get the chance, as I was given a chance very early on and handled it in a way that dragged things out and caused far too much pain that I would definitely understand from her side of things that it isn't really worth trying all over again.
Regardless of what happens, I think that the whole bachelor/playboy side in me (not that really anything has after Holly) seems to be dead and single life is now seeming a lot less appealing these days and I'm quite happy to settle down now. It's been a difficult post to write, I'm just really glad I've had the time and a clear head to finally get it all out there.