I think "fag" certainly has more of a negative connotation in our language. This is not just a lifestyle but more of a persona, a gay man who's main sense of identity is based around being gay and how being gay shapes his relationships with people, his gay friends are fags, female friends are "fag hags", straight acquaintances are "breeders". Sexuality is forefront. Sex is more of a common topic of discussion, explicitness is expected, all the gory details. There is almost a sense that some of their dialogue is challenging those around them to feel uncomfortable. They claim the word "fag" and make it their own by making it an obvious statement. You are forced to confront that part of their persona as soon as you encounted them and you must make a decision, almost as immediately, of whether to be ok with it. This, I feel, can sometimes push away people who may be open minded about homosexuality, but don't feel completely comfortable with blatant references to sex in general. The word fag as used by straight people, often men, is more ugly and derogatory than gay. Yet when used against people who so obviously flaunt their sexuality and even call themselves fags, it loses it's offensiveness. If anyone calls them "fag", the response may well be "duh"! Of course they are a fag, it's obvious and calling them out on it makes no difference. I think it can also be empowering for some people to identify themselves as "fags" and become part of a group which so obviously supports them. Gay seems to be a more quiet and comfortable approach to this sexuality. Gay is an aspect of their lives but not their whole life. They do not feel as much need to flaunt it but they will be open about it if the subject is breached. It is not so much an identity and can be almost removed from their relationships with friends. Again this approach may put people who don't feel as comfortable making casual references to sex more at ease and more able to accept homosexuals as friends without fear of being drawn into the "fag" culture.
Gay seems to be a more quiet and comfortable approach to this sexuality. Gay is an aspect of their lives but not their whole life. They do not feel as much need to flaunt it but they will be open about it if the subject is breached. It is not so much an identity and can be almost removed from their relationships with friends. Again this approach may put people who don't feel as comfortable making casual references to sex more at ease and more able to accept homosexuals as friends without fear of being drawn into the "fag" culture.
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