"This is SO much fun!"
Long story short, my 21st birthday was amazing. Hitches here and there, but all in all a great ride.
From Wednesday night with the 533 fam party until getting back from Ithaca last night, things have just gotten a lot clearer. Ironic, given the amount of toxins I put into myself over the course of the past five days. If nothing else, I was able to figure out what it is I wanted versus what I realistically expected.
I found myself oddly attracted to someone who I guess I kind of was normally, but never really past a lust or whatever. And it got me to thinking. And then I realized that I had gotten what I needed to finally get over and move on from someone else. Years of being loosely tethered to the slightest notion that something could work out between us. And I just sort of stopped caring.
In that discovery, I realized that the kind of person I wanted was the type of person this other guy is. I mean, we will more likely than not never date (if we even see each other again), if only because he's not attracted to me. But I still knew that this was the kind of guy I want NOW versus what I looked for from the other guy.
I kind of compare the two to two totally separate restaurants, except they both share the same exact menu. One is the edgy, posh restaurant where you can never get a table without a reservation- and even when you do, they can never guarentee they haven't sold out what you want to order. HUGE hype. Everybody who eats there raves about their experience. Their whole marketing strategy is geared at promising things they can never deliver.
The other restaurant is more modest. It doesn't have a huge marketing campaign. It doesn't hype itself or promise food it doesn't have. What you see is what you get. You can always get a table, and while the place is crowded, it's a completely different kind of clientelle.
Not the cleanest metaphor, but really- I'm tired of doing all the work, and playing games, and waiting around. Finally, I just got really tired and fed up with the whole thing, and so after three years.. I think I'm somewhere new. As for the second restaurant, the modest one- that's what I'm looking for now.
Anyway, not much time for writing, but that seemed like something I wanted to write out at the time.
Peace.
From Wednesday night with the 533 fam party until getting back from Ithaca last night, things have just gotten a lot clearer. Ironic, given the amount of toxins I put into myself over the course of the past five days. If nothing else, I was able to figure out what it is I wanted versus what I realistically expected.
I found myself oddly attracted to someone who I guess I kind of was normally, but never really past a lust or whatever. And it got me to thinking. And then I realized that I had gotten what I needed to finally get over and move on from someone else. Years of being loosely tethered to the slightest notion that something could work out between us. And I just sort of stopped caring.
In that discovery, I realized that the kind of person I wanted was the type of person this other guy is. I mean, we will more likely than not never date (if we even see each other again), if only because he's not attracted to me. But I still knew that this was the kind of guy I want NOW versus what I looked for from the other guy.
I kind of compare the two to two totally separate restaurants, except they both share the same exact menu. One is the edgy, posh restaurant where you can never get a table without a reservation- and even when you do, they can never guarentee they haven't sold out what you want to order. HUGE hype. Everybody who eats there raves about their experience. Their whole marketing strategy is geared at promising things they can never deliver.
The other restaurant is more modest. It doesn't have a huge marketing campaign. It doesn't hype itself or promise food it doesn't have. What you see is what you get. You can always get a table, and while the place is crowded, it's a completely different kind of clientelle.
Not the cleanest metaphor, but really- I'm tired of doing all the work, and playing games, and waiting around. Finally, I just got really tired and fed up with the whole thing, and so after three years.. I think I'm somewhere new. As for the second restaurant, the modest one- that's what I'm looking for now.
Anyway, not much time for writing, but that seemed like something I wanted to write out at the time.
Peace.