Fucked Up Dreams
More and more often, I'm not only recalling my dreams, but figuring out that a lot of my dreams are truly, without a doubt, fucked up. Is someone sneaking hallucinogens into my food? Is the secret ingredient that makes chex mix so good a light dusting of E? Did the waning of cracker popularity prompt the fine people at Saltine to replace salt with a salt derivative that shares close genetic relations with crystal meth?
I don't know the answers to these questions. But, more important, I don't know where the hell these dreams are coming from. I will now briefly describe three that I recall enough to have written down as soon as I woke up. Granted they'll be totally disjointed, but you'll get the general idea.
Dream #1
I am lying in my sister's bed with Ryan (my roommate) and our friend Matt, to whom I was attracted to briefly. So, we're all lying there, and Matt whispers to me that he's interested (toned down version of the actual dialogue..). I don't know what to think, so I turn to Ryan, and he does the affirmative nod that everyone does, and so I return the nod and turn back to Matt, and my dream - like a camera - trucks away from the bed and turns to go through the window. The front yard has been replaced with a jungle, and there are howler monkeys all up in the trees with Christmas lights, and Starr Jones - Yes, Star Jones - is sitting in one of the trees singing "Happy Holidays." End Dream.
Dream #2
My mom, my sister, and I are all in my sister's room (recurring theme, anyone?) and we're talking. Suddenly I see my Grandma walking around on part of the roof outside my sister's window, and her eyes are all yellow and her face is blank, like a mix between a zombie and the exorcist. My mom tells us she won't live past Easter (horrible), and so my mom then proceeds to climb out the window and follow her around on the roof.
Suddenly we're at the train station, and apparently there has been a zombie attack and there are no more trains. Instead, there are mini-trains designed to fit one person that look like PlaySkool plastic cars.. they basically look like chairs with huge backs on wheels. And so we all have to sit on one and it automatically goes backward to the furthest train station away in an instant. So we all get there and Grandma is rounding us all up and we go inside some building with a long hallway. Someone else and I go into another room to get pillows for people, and this girl comes in and freaks out and starts screaming at us not to talk to the cows.
So the place blacks out and I hear someone say "Yesssss..." and it blurs into a growl (Grr..) and I wake up and see the silhouette of Foster (the Ikea teddy bear I bought) laying next to me and screamed.
Dream #3
This one was last night, and by far the most fucked up of any dream I've had lately. I forget what happened, but I think I was going to the plastic surgeon and my dad was upset my mom and bought be a bottle of Tylenol, so he took my brother and I to the Mall of Miami, which is apparently where my plastic surgeon's office now was, although it was still in Northbrook, IL. Okay. There was a California Pizza Kitchen and an Auntie Anne's Pretzels and I was in heaven.
So I'm at the plastic surgeon's and suddenly this kid Lewis shows up and tells me I have to come with him. So it's all dark out and we're at some intersection/strip mall. This guy in a turkey/horse costume shows up and is running around, and then he takes off the head of his costume and puts it where he penis should be and starts having sex with a cop car. Then a water mane breaks and there's water all in the streets, and some wires fall into it and it's electrified, and I throw Lewis in it to make sure, and he gets electrocuted and a woman thanks me for saving her life. She was way old, and she was all touching my face. Creepy.
So I think maybe the old lady drove me home, or Lewis came back to life or something, and I woke up the next morning. My mouth felt weird, like it was numb but not, and watery and puffy. And I got up and looked in the mirror and two of my front teeth were missing and my gums were torn up, and a bunch of my bottom teeth were broken off, and my lips were torn open. Fucking ew, I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it, it was that real and sick looking. So I'm screaming and running up all these stairs (not my house, I guess) and there's wood and stuff everywhere, and I keep running and running and finally I reach the top, and I figure out it had something to do with my brother but I'm not sure what.
I saw my mom and she screamed, and I tried to call out but realize my mouth was so puffy because I had bitten off my tongue and it was lodged in front of my teeth and only connected to the rest of the tongue by a few strands of muscle tissue behind my molars. My teeth hurt when I woke up and I just laid there, being like, "Oh my God.." and NOT wanting to get up and look at them. Eventually I tore out of bed and the first thing I did was look in the mirror. Ew.
That's pretty much all of them that I remember, or the main ones. There was some other one with the girls from Sex and the City but I couldn't find where I wrote that down.
Anyway, enjoy my fucked up brain. It's a real treat.
I don't know the answers to these questions. But, more important, I don't know where the hell these dreams are coming from. I will now briefly describe three that I recall enough to have written down as soon as I woke up. Granted they'll be totally disjointed, but you'll get the general idea.
Dream #1
I am lying in my sister's bed with Ryan (my roommate) and our friend Matt, to whom I was attracted to briefly. So, we're all lying there, and Matt whispers to me that he's interested (toned down version of the actual dialogue..). I don't know what to think, so I turn to Ryan, and he does the affirmative nod that everyone does, and so I return the nod and turn back to Matt, and my dream - like a camera - trucks away from the bed and turns to go through the window. The front yard has been replaced with a jungle, and there are howler monkeys all up in the trees with Christmas lights, and Starr Jones - Yes, Star Jones - is sitting in one of the trees singing "Happy Holidays." End Dream.
Dream #2
My mom, my sister, and I are all in my sister's room (recurring theme, anyone?) and we're talking. Suddenly I see my Grandma walking around on part of the roof outside my sister's window, and her eyes are all yellow and her face is blank, like a mix between a zombie and the exorcist. My mom tells us she won't live past Easter (horrible), and so my mom then proceeds to climb out the window and follow her around on the roof.
Suddenly we're at the train station, and apparently there has been a zombie attack and there are no more trains. Instead, there are mini-trains designed to fit one person that look like PlaySkool plastic cars.. they basically look like chairs with huge backs on wheels. And so we all have to sit on one and it automatically goes backward to the furthest train station away in an instant. So we all get there and Grandma is rounding us all up and we go inside some building with a long hallway. Someone else and I go into another room to get pillows for people, and this girl comes in and freaks out and starts screaming at us not to talk to the cows.
So the place blacks out and I hear someone say "Yesssss..." and it blurs into a growl (Grr..) and I wake up and see the silhouette of Foster (the Ikea teddy bear I bought) laying next to me and screamed.
Dream #3
This one was last night, and by far the most fucked up of any dream I've had lately. I forget what happened, but I think I was going to the plastic surgeon and my dad was upset my mom and bought be a bottle of Tylenol, so he took my brother and I to the Mall of Miami, which is apparently where my plastic surgeon's office now was, although it was still in Northbrook, IL. Okay. There was a California Pizza Kitchen and an Auntie Anne's Pretzels and I was in heaven.
So I'm at the plastic surgeon's and suddenly this kid Lewis shows up and tells me I have to come with him. So it's all dark out and we're at some intersection/strip mall. This guy in a turkey/horse costume shows up and is running around, and then he takes off the head of his costume and puts it where he penis should be and starts having sex with a cop car. Then a water mane breaks and there's water all in the streets, and some wires fall into it and it's electrified, and I throw Lewis in it to make sure, and he gets electrocuted and a woman thanks me for saving her life. She was way old, and she was all touching my face. Creepy.
So I think maybe the old lady drove me home, or Lewis came back to life or something, and I woke up the next morning. My mouth felt weird, like it was numb but not, and watery and puffy. And I got up and looked in the mirror and two of my front teeth were missing and my gums were torn up, and a bunch of my bottom teeth were broken off, and my lips were torn open. Fucking ew, I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it, it was that real and sick looking. So I'm screaming and running up all these stairs (not my house, I guess) and there's wood and stuff everywhere, and I keep running and running and finally I reach the top, and I figure out it had something to do with my brother but I'm not sure what.
I saw my mom and she screamed, and I tried to call out but realize my mouth was so puffy because I had bitten off my tongue and it was lodged in front of my teeth and only connected to the rest of the tongue by a few strands of muscle tissue behind my molars. My teeth hurt when I woke up and I just laid there, being like, "Oh my God.." and NOT wanting to get up and look at them. Eventually I tore out of bed and the first thing I did was look in the mirror. Ew.
That's pretty much all of them that I remember, or the main ones. There was some other one with the girls from Sex and the City but I couldn't find where I wrote that down.
Anyway, enjoy my fucked up brain. It's a real treat.