To Cut Or Not To Cut
I want to cut so very bad.
I want to feel the sharp pain as the blade slices my skin.
I want to see the red blood pour over the line.
I want the pain to be gone.
But instead of cutting, I'm sitting here and typing this out. That's good right? So why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like a heroin addict needing a fix? Because cutting is my drug and I am addicted. Oh god, I want to cut so badly. I wish someone would just kill me now. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
But I can do it. I know I can. I can beat this. Even Sadie says I can. And if even one person believes then it must be worth it to go through this torture. It must be.
I want to feel the sharp pain as the blade slices my skin.
I want to see the red blood pour over the line.
I want the pain to be gone.
But instead of cutting, I'm sitting here and typing this out. That's good right? So why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like a heroin addict needing a fix? Because cutting is my drug and I am addicted. Oh god, I want to cut so badly. I wish someone would just kill me now. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
But I can do it. I know I can. I can beat this. Even Sadie says I can. And if even one person believes then it must be worth it to go through this torture. It must be.