(no subject)
goodness, an actual livejournal post. but dont get excited, its not very interesting, i wanted to get some thoughts out of my head, but they will likely be far too emo, mawkish, irrelevant, and lengthy to be of any real interest to anyone else. So! i have created a handy cut tag thing
Im going into hospital tomorow, im really not looking forward to it, ive been not allowed food for a bit and ive reached that stage where even a bbc news story about ..choclate design or something twists the stomach and makes you want to go chuck a spear at something and devour it.
The hospital thing should be ok, routine-ish but lengthy and not very pleasant, but still one of the main reasons for it is to rule out the C word, and my doctor was kinda worried about that, so we shall see.
i cant quite believe the sheer amount of empire froth thats going on, it seems to be all anyones talking about. Id be happy just to be well enough to attend empire, i couldnt give a stuff if it has special arrows which sneer at your kit when they hit you, unless your wearing re-enactment grade underpants.
I had such a love hate relationship with maelstrom, i kinda wanted to be a trader/dogsbody/del boy type character, and then by the nature of the game got sort of pigeon holed into spread sheet monkey/accountant. people like gray or russ will know the contortions me and wendy went through over the life of the system, and sometimes it really did seem to suck all the fun out of it. (and i admit that bitterly as i think im more than capable of doing a BIT of that sort of thing and still having fun, downtime, admin, its not a dirty word to me, but my god, near the end.....it got harsh) I think most of the latter half of the game for me was trying my best to extricate myself from various wraps of bindweed and trying to actually have fun again, and then my illness hit. i had a couple of half hearted events where i couldnt really do much except for walk around and talk to people, and then just when something unexpected happened which could have made for good game, i found i was just incredibly weary of it. Normally id have taken some unexpected politics and being given a good shafting by persons unknown as awesome, but the wearyness of being unwell all the time and the huge amounts of admin had sort of drained that shield or buffer that makes getting shafted into "awesome" and sudden adversarys as "fun".
Without that layer of "fun" and "bounce" and the physical pain all the time it was very easy to fall into my usual habits of worrying and stressing too much, i started worrying that because at first i had no clue what was going on IC, people would think i was being dishonest ooc, worried that i should have been more involved, and that people would resent me for bugging out, worried that i should drag my ill carcass back to an event as jason so people could kill him cos thats "good form" Then my health got substantially worse and i spent a great deal of time in and out of hospital and i guess it was a moot point. id like to come back to maelstrom to play one last game, just to say goodbye to the system, i have no idea what id play though, as jason got binned fairly early on as a way of not thinking about mael and concentrating on my health.
I also had to quit other amazing larps like m & m which i bitterly regret as i just couldnt travel, further adding to my feeling of being somewhat isolated and out of the loop these days. Awesome system, btw, if anyones actually reading this, i heartily recomend it
And whilst a lot of the empire discussions have made me shake my head with despair (im perhaps being a bit unfair to it, theres been some pretty cool discussions, but theres just only so many times i can read larpers subtly or not so subtly imply that their preffered larp makes them a better larper) the actual official stuff about factions thats been released looks very cool (im not making my mind up about ANYTHING till i know if i can even travel next year, let alone larp) but i dont think ive seen one of the factions that i didnt think looked pretty awesome in its way, guess that means it was good blurbs :)
anyway ill know by the end of tomorow if its not as bad as it could be, and thats something at least.
Im going into hospital tomorow, im really not looking forward to it, ive been not allowed food for a bit and ive reached that stage where even a bbc news story about ..choclate design or something twists the stomach and makes you want to go chuck a spear at something and devour it.
The hospital thing should be ok, routine-ish but lengthy and not very pleasant, but still one of the main reasons for it is to rule out the C word, and my doctor was kinda worried about that, so we shall see.
i cant quite believe the sheer amount of empire froth thats going on, it seems to be all anyones talking about. Id be happy just to be well enough to attend empire, i couldnt give a stuff if it has special arrows which sneer at your kit when they hit you, unless your wearing re-enactment grade underpants.
I had such a love hate relationship with maelstrom, i kinda wanted to be a trader/dogsbody/del boy type character, and then by the nature of the game got sort of pigeon holed into spread sheet monkey/accountant. people like gray or russ will know the contortions me and wendy went through over the life of the system, and sometimes it really did seem to suck all the fun out of it. (and i admit that bitterly as i think im more than capable of doing a BIT of that sort of thing and still having fun, downtime, admin, its not a dirty word to me, but my god, near the end.....it got harsh) I think most of the latter half of the game for me was trying my best to extricate myself from various wraps of bindweed and trying to actually have fun again, and then my illness hit. i had a couple of half hearted events where i couldnt really do much except for walk around and talk to people, and then just when something unexpected happened which could have made for good game, i found i was just incredibly weary of it. Normally id have taken some unexpected politics and being given a good shafting by persons unknown as awesome, but the wearyness of being unwell all the time and the huge amounts of admin had sort of drained that shield or buffer that makes getting shafted into "awesome" and sudden adversarys as "fun".
Without that layer of "fun" and "bounce" and the physical pain all the time it was very easy to fall into my usual habits of worrying and stressing too much, i started worrying that because at first i had no clue what was going on IC, people would think i was being dishonest ooc, worried that i should have been more involved, and that people would resent me for bugging out, worried that i should drag my ill carcass back to an event as jason so people could kill him cos thats "good form" Then my health got substantially worse and i spent a great deal of time in and out of hospital and i guess it was a moot point. id like to come back to maelstrom to play one last game, just to say goodbye to the system, i have no idea what id play though, as jason got binned fairly early on as a way of not thinking about mael and concentrating on my health.
I also had to quit other amazing larps like m & m which i bitterly regret as i just couldnt travel, further adding to my feeling of being somewhat isolated and out of the loop these days. Awesome system, btw, if anyones actually reading this, i heartily recomend it
And whilst a lot of the empire discussions have made me shake my head with despair (im perhaps being a bit unfair to it, theres been some pretty cool discussions, but theres just only so many times i can read larpers subtly or not so subtly imply that their preffered larp makes them a better larper) the actual official stuff about factions thats been released looks very cool (im not making my mind up about ANYTHING till i know if i can even travel next year, let alone larp) but i dont think ive seen one of the factions that i didnt think looked pretty awesome in its way, guess that means it was good blurbs :)
anyway ill know by the end of tomorow if its not as bad as it could be, and thats something at least.