Future
I keep looking for another email like a confused idiot. There's not going to be one! I can never make up my mind about anything...not exactly what I want to do in the future, not about my sexuality/romantic interest, not whether or not I can ever commit, not even what food I want sometimes. And with food sometimes its a 'take it all' attitude and I wonder if that is everpresent in my sexual mindset. Though I am sometimes just never sexual because my mind is everywhere, because I go off and start thinking about other things mid-masturbation and my anxiety is up to the hilt and I am just all over the place.
Its not clear cut. I don't know...(I really don't, this time). I might regret something.
But,, on the flip side, my suite mate moved in today. She was tired of her freshman suitemate who slammed doors(nostalgic of my past suitemate) so she decided to room with me since I was older and otherwise some freshman would have moved in with me. So the freshman is going with the other freshman and I am relieved entirely. Things are good. She is a nice girl-criminal justice and political science major, 21, likes things pretty quiet. So I am happy to comply for once in my stay here. Though I still want my own apartment I am happy with this arrangement that I am leaving my boots in the hallway-last semester I was afraid they might get stolen or something because of issues with my suite mate but I am secure now- she likes to have the door locked.
So,,,what else...I am just hoping to get to sleep. I did not take any sleeping pills liek rpeviously considered and I am not sure if I will. Though, thank fully, these are the ones my doctor gave as a sample and they have a 1 hour peak and 4 hour in the system time so I am happy, unlike the generic store brand(16hours!!!)(seriously-I felt like i was not able to function after waking up!! As if I had lost control over my mind-wierd feeling!!)..and I am rambling..goodnight.
Its not clear cut. I don't know...(I really don't, this time). I might regret something.
But,, on the flip side, my suite mate moved in today. She was tired of her freshman suitemate who slammed doors(nostalgic of my past suitemate) so she decided to room with me since I was older and otherwise some freshman would have moved in with me. So the freshman is going with the other freshman and I am relieved entirely. Things are good. She is a nice girl-criminal justice and political science major, 21, likes things pretty quiet. So I am happy to comply for once in my stay here. Though I still want my own apartment I am happy with this arrangement that I am leaving my boots in the hallway-last semester I was afraid they might get stolen or something because of issues with my suite mate but I am secure now- she likes to have the door locked.
So,,,what else...I am just hoping to get to sleep. I did not take any sleeping pills liek rpeviously considered and I am not sure if I will. Though, thank fully, these are the ones my doctor gave as a sample and they have a 1 hour peak and 4 hour in the system time so I am happy, unlike the generic store brand(16hours!!!)(seriously-I felt like i was not able to function after waking up!! As if I had lost control over my mind-wierd feeling!!)..and I am rambling..goodnight.