Continued
I may not be perfect, I may not be completely independent, but I am trying. I am striving to be that which I wrote about at 5AM this morning. Yes, I am still in the codependent range but I am unlike others who fold into that role and accept it as only. I want to be sitting in my room doing some project, having a jolly good time, nto wondering when the phone will ring or when I will stop being so alone and dateless. It's what I joked about so many times before: dating myself. In a sense. Yeah, sure, a relationship would be fine to have. But it does not complete the self.
And I don't want to have to prove myself to another- to make sure I say the right things for them to like me. I want to just be so okay with myself and my company and for the other person to be that when we meet, we will be so into each other that our own selves do not have to be displayed. We do not have to strive for each others attention because we have already captivated each other. Captivated- that is the only word I can think of that sums up what I envision. To be so enthralled with the other person for who they are. They are not puppeting themsleves in front of you. Their moves are not correographed. And when they make love (or whatever word you use, or that appropriately describes the degree of sex you are involved in(yes, even fuckign can be 'romantic'))they ar ejust so into each other-each other's body, their passion, their pleasure. It's like energy waves combinging into one solid fixture of light that just burns and pulsates as a single, unified beat.
And I don't want to have to prove myself to another- to make sure I say the right things for them to like me. I want to just be so okay with myself and my company and for the other person to be that when we meet, we will be so into each other that our own selves do not have to be displayed. We do not have to strive for each others attention because we have already captivated each other. Captivated- that is the only word I can think of that sums up what I envision. To be so enthralled with the other person for who they are. They are not puppeting themsleves in front of you. Their moves are not correographed. And when they make love (or whatever word you use, or that appropriately describes the degree of sex you are involved in(yes, even fuckign can be 'romantic'))they ar ejust so into each other-each other's body, their passion, their pleasure. It's like energy waves combinging into one solid fixture of light that just burns and pulsates as a single, unified beat.