It's been awhile.....
Pardon the use of Staind lyrics, but goddamn it has been awhile since I wrote anything on here. Lesse, I am currently living with a friend who I am becoming closer to and learning alot about. Most of my old friendships and aquaintances have gone by the wayside, but I"m not really worried about that, the most important people in my life are still here putting up with my silly lost-child-of-fae ass. I almost moved in with my new boyfriend but decided not to. I am starting to get better at catching myself in my bad habit of rushing into things. Just need to catch it sooner, like at the "yes or no" stage rather than the "I've changed my mind" stage. *sigh*
Anyway, I've got an offer for a kind of internship with a producer friend of mine, so I'll be able to start learning all the things I need to know about having my own production company one day. I've also been getting alot of work and am so happy my portfolio is totally blowing up. I'm supposed to go to Hell-A in two weeks and have a bunch of go-sees and shoots, yay! Also some agent/friends of mine are starting a new site and they want me to be one of the main models for it (regular work is always a happy thing). Both my parents know about my chosen profession and my career ambitions, I thank the Goddess I have such understanding and loving parents.
Still trying to figure myself out. In a relationship again and while I am happy I'm starting to get those feelings again. Ya know, those "dear god! what am I doing, I'm a faerie and you can't contain, cage or control faeries! what the fuck am I thinking!" type of feelings. I worry that maybe my love is sometimes just reciprocal. Like maybe I fall in love with people because they fall in love with me. I don't mean that in an egotistical or self-centered kind of way (like I love people who give me attention and emotional support). I mean more like I feel (subconsciensly) that I am supposed to love them back. But when I'm in love with someone and its not returned the same way, I really don't care that much. All I know is that I love my freedom and the the freedom to love and desire whoever I wish. I am beginning to seriously doubt that I can ever truly give my heart to just one person. I cannot be owned, even when I think I might want to be.
Well, c'est la vie right?
Fuck me I'm feeling confused and claustrophobic.
Anyway, I've got an offer for a kind of internship with a producer friend of mine, so I'll be able to start learning all the things I need to know about having my own production company one day. I've also been getting alot of work and am so happy my portfolio is totally blowing up. I'm supposed to go to Hell-A in two weeks and have a bunch of go-sees and shoots, yay! Also some agent/friends of mine are starting a new site and they want me to be one of the main models for it (regular work is always a happy thing). Both my parents know about my chosen profession and my career ambitions, I thank the Goddess I have such understanding and loving parents.
Still trying to figure myself out. In a relationship again and while I am happy I'm starting to get those feelings again. Ya know, those "dear god! what am I doing, I'm a faerie and you can't contain, cage or control faeries! what the fuck am I thinking!" type of feelings. I worry that maybe my love is sometimes just reciprocal. Like maybe I fall in love with people because they fall in love with me. I don't mean that in an egotistical or self-centered kind of way (like I love people who give me attention and emotional support). I mean more like I feel (subconsciensly) that I am supposed to love them back. But when I'm in love with someone and its not returned the same way, I really don't care that much. All I know is that I love my freedom and the the freedom to love and desire whoever I wish. I am beginning to seriously doubt that I can ever truly give my heart to just one person. I cannot be owned, even when I think I might want to be.
Well, c'est la vie right?
Fuck me I'm feeling confused and claustrophobic.