(no subject)
Sometimes I miss Leon, and feel so terribly alone and worried that i will end up as a crazy cat lady. I'm difficult and acerbic and not good girlfriend material. I've grown accustomed to being the practise piece; the girl you fuck until something better comes along. I'm not used to tender demostrations of affection, and I wouldn't know what to do if a partner simply kissed me or touched me in a way that wasn't a preamble to sex. I allow it because i know it's the closest I will ever get to anything resembling a relationship, and because I can pretend that I'm wanted, and loved.
Leon didn't love me. I know because i told him I loved him, and he told me that although he felt affection for me, although he liked me he could never love me.
My parents love me. I'm not trying to make myself out to be some unloved urchin, but it's not the same.
I miss waking up in bed with someone, curled around them. i want to know what it's like to be so in love with someone and loved back that it hurts. I've never been in love like that. i associate love with disappointment, and bitter tastes and emptiness. And that's not love. I know that much.
I'm sorry for the maudlin tone, but sometimes it hits hard, and i don't know what to do.
Leon didn't love me. I know because i told him I loved him, and he told me that although he felt affection for me, although he liked me he could never love me.
My parents love me. I'm not trying to make myself out to be some unloved urchin, but it's not the same.
I miss waking up in bed with someone, curled around them. i want to know what it's like to be so in love with someone and loved back that it hurts. I've never been in love like that. i associate love with disappointment, and bitter tastes and emptiness. And that's not love. I know that much.
I'm sorry for the maudlin tone, but sometimes it hits hard, and i don't know what to do.